Sexuality and stage IV

Tracy,
I am not stage 4 but I have been exactly where you are now.I finished chemo Nov 06 and I still have alot of fatigue.We had a very active sex life pre BC.We went 3 months recently and he never complained.We have been married 17 years and though I love him with all my heart and find him just as attractive as ever.But when I am tired I just don't have sex on my mind.Of course,I feel guilty and I start thinking he will look elsewhere.You know,I'm sure that sex involves other things than actual intercourse for his pleasure.Good luck Tracy,I wanted to let you know that I understand.

Hugs,
Lisa

Yes it is a tough subject, Tracy. As odd as it might seem, this is a very common problem that medical providers refuse to deal with and that women are silent about, partly because it can seem ungrateful for "more important" things. I am only stage I, 5 years out, and was only 50 at dx, and find it hard to deal with even though I use the Estring by recommendation of the oncs that I've had. It is a trade-off. The Estring does nothing for libido, which is almost zero, nothing like it was for me before dx. Entry is still dry and difficult even with the Estring plus lubrication, for me. The whole experience continues to be 100% a mechanical exercise that thankfully is reasonably brief and I wouldn't do it at all except for the love of a good man. It is, however, hard to accept that this is a permanent chore instead of a permanent pleasure.

There is a clinical trial phase III for a drug that may be helpful eventually.

Personally, I think that each one of us who refuses to be silent with our health care providers is doing the next woman who comes along a very big favor.

Much sympathy,

AlaskaAngel

Thank you, all, for addressing this subject so candidly. I have been very sad about my lack of interest in sex, it is another thing I find to cry about. My husband and I have been together 30 years and he has always been a great lover, but I can honestly say I have enjoyed sex with him more in the last 10 years than the first 20...until chemo.
I miss not only the physical release but the emotional intimate connection. Plus I feel as though I am letting him down although I will have sex with him any time he wants except when I am really feeling the chemo side effects. He doesn't push it though because it hurt me the last few times, plus he always took great pleasure in my pleasure...and that just ain't happening no matter what we try. I worry about how this is affecting my husband, and I worry that once I start the anti-estrogen drug, I will face 5 years of even less interest, if that's even possible.
My cancer therapist gave me the name of a female doctor in Newport Beach, CA, who specializes in helping women with this type of problem. I cannot personally recommend her because I have not yet scheduled an appt., not because I don't consider this a priority but because I am dealing with more problems with my elderly mother that are eating up my time. If anyone lives in the area and is interested in the doctor's name, address, and phone #, just PM me, and I will be glad to give it to you.

Another one who understands completely, too... Sybil
DX IDC Stage 1(or 2, depending on which onc you ask -- 2 tumors), Triple Positive, Oncotype DX 35 High Risk,
Surgery BCS 12/23/06,started Chemo 2/25/07,but just found out mid-April one of my tumors is confirmed to be HER2 +

There is much, much more discussion about this problem going on in the forum section under "moving on" or after-cancer. So... take a look!

A.A.

I'll try to be diplomatic...

Invite hime to take a shower with you.. Take matters in hand...Wash vigoursly..Repeat as needed...

Bimmer.



I laughed as I read your reply to my husband. I said a man wrote this. And I was right!



A sweet recomendation.