I could use some encouraging words please

nbare1952 · May 2007

I was diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer in Januanry 2007. I have had five TAC treatents. I am supposed to have one more and then surgery and radiation. After my last treatment I will have a Pet scan and it is possible I will need more treatments. I am so scared, cepressed and tired. I feel like this is never going to end and I am never going to have my life back. My family is wonderful. I just started taking zoloft for depression five days ago and I don't think it is helping.
If someone could give me some encouraging words I would so appreciate it. I can't stop crying today.
Nancy

Bugs · May 2007

Oh Nancy...HUGE {{hugs}} to you!! You are in the thick of treatment. I think I was at that same point when some minor glitch at my dr's office made me break down and turn into a blubbering mess. I just wanted it to be OVER. I was sick of feeing like crap, tired and SOOO DONE with not having any hair. My oncology nurse hugged me and said "yep, you are right on track"...so I guess this means I wasn't the only one that has broken down, hehe.

You WILL get through this. Take it one step and one treatment at a time. I have never taken Zoloft, so I don't know how long it takes to get up and running. But if you feel it's not working, talk to your dr.

Deep deep breath!!

{{hugs}}

Bugs

Anonymous · May 2007

Big hugs from Virginia, Nancy. There is just no avoiding getting down in the dumps from time to time! I know you will start to feel better soon and the Zoloft will begin to help.

All the stuff that happens to us during cancer treatments IS overwhelming. We can only smile, laugh, stay upbeat, etc. part of the time. Inevitably, something (usually something small like Bugs said) will cause us to take a dive and just cry and cry. It is so normal!

I got a bill from the hospital in the mail on Saturday (from 2006 mind you) for $7400 that my insurance should have paid already. It seems like all I do is call my insurance company repeatedly to find out why something isn't being paid, then call the hospital to tell them what to send in. Half the people I talk to don't do anything they say they are doing... it's starting to drive me crazy!
Anyway, when I opened that bill I started crying and I cried for the best part of an hour!

In reality, it just means I have to make more phone calls. It's not a big deal. But it felt like a huge deal at the time!

Try to watch some funny TV or movies... get outside if you can... the sunny weather helps me feel good. Call a friend who you know loves you dearly.... go out to lunch. This is just a glitch in our lives and we will work through it and move on!

Here's wishing you a week full of sunshine and happy moments...

Miss S

AlaskaDeb · May 2007

Nancy-

Does it help at all to know we really do understand? I can remember being right where you are. It sucks, and it feels like it will never end...but here is the good news...IT DOES!!! You are kicking cancers butt and it is hard work. It was the hardest work I have ever done, but you life is waiting for you at the end of treatment.

I was Stage 3C, 27 of 32 nodes positive for cancer, bilateral mastectomy and my treatment ( surgery, chemo, more surgery and rads) took 11 months. Here is the really good news, I am almost 6 months out from the end of treatment and I feel good. I have found a new normal and I am loving life. YOU WILL TOO!!!

Be kind to yourself and do the best you can...that is all anyone can ask. Some days are going to stink, some will be better. Everything you are going through is so normal...it sucks, but it is normal. Lower your expectations and hang in there!

Do you have any specific things that are really buggin you? Post about them and we might have some tips to help you through. We are here to help if we can

Big hugs to you
Deb C

Fitztwins · May 2007

I sit here almost 2 years out of treatment. I too am on zoloft. It does help. It can take up to 2-3 weeks.

About 1/2 through treatment I got the chemo blues. They stink. Stay on path, hopefully things will kick in soon. I also allowed myself to be sad once in a while. Have myself a big ole pity party. Those get fewer and fewer now a days. The light is there at the end of the tunnel.

Janis

karen1956 · May 2007

Nancy - I am so sorry that you have to journey through BC treatments. BC treatment is hard, but it is DOABLE!!!. I had bilat mastectomy on 3/1/06, TAC chemo, rads, ooph and now on hormone treatments and done recon. TAC chemo is hard, but it is doable. Your hair does grow back. As Deb said, it takes time to find the new you - something that I am still finding. Take care of yourself, ask for help when you need it - be it with meals, cleaning house or taking care of the rest of your family. We relied on friends to help with play dates for my youngest daughter and we had people cook meals for us the weeks I had chemo. I didn't clean house - dh took over many of the chores that I had previously done. I chose to work during treatments and by the time I got home, I was just plain worn out, so nothing else got done by me. Cry when you want to cry - its okay. It is really one day at a time. It does get better, albeit slowly. Please keep us posted and please take time to take care of yourself. Hugs from Denver, Karen

LittleFlower · May 2007

Oh Nancy! I feel for you... just as all the other ladies have stated, i've been there too. I find that after a good cry i feel better... so there's no shame in crying. I remember during chemo (which just ended in Jan) it was like a big black tunnel and the end was nowhere in sight... all i can say is that slowly but surely things are getting better. I would never have thought that i'd feel that sense of hope and happiness that other survivors have but now i realize that it comes with time. You too will survive! one day at a time, some days are brighter than others, but we can only take it one day at a time. You realize you're going through a really scary time, but also give some thought to the fact that you're doing everything you need to do - you're getting through treatment, and that's a major accomplishment..one day at a time sweetie. BIG HUGS
LittleFLower

nbare1952 · May 2007

Thank you all for your words of encourgement. It means so much to me. It especially helps to hear from you survivors.
Love,
Nancy

vickib · May 2007

Nancy-
I know it seems like the craziness will never end, but it will. You will get through it sister!
I can not even recall how many pitty parties I had for myself but I sure did feel better once it was over. Cry as much as need to, you are going through hell right now!
Hugs

mandyjayne · May 2007

I remember being 1/2 way done with my 8 chemo tx's and thinking "There is NO WAY I can do the rest of the tx's." I felt like I was going crazy. I felt depressed, then I would feel blessed for having so many caring friends. Then I would feel like @#%&. Then I would feel okay again.
A friend that had been through chemo before told me about feeling so emotional "Don't trust yourself right now. It's the drugs in your system. Nothing is as it seems."
That was comforting to me b/c it meant that I didn't have to take ownership of my crazy self. I blamed it on the drugs and claimed temporary insanity.
Then I watched a crapload of funny movies. I got out of the house and did lunch (okay, when my tastebuds were cooperating). I went to Starbuck's and sat and read a non-cancer related book and sipped a yummy latte (broke thru the metal-mouth barrier for me.)
Most of all I went to these boards and found the support from those who "get it".
You are a survivor too! And your words will help inspire the next person!
My chemo tx's ended a year ago this month. I can't believe how good I feel and how fun it is to plan a long future.
Mandy

helensdaughter · May 2007

Hang on darling girl it will and does get better. Not much to add but it does suck being where you are - one day no make that one hour at a time. :-)

hugs
Vicky

threadbear · May 2007

Oh Nancy, I'm sending you happy thoughts! I went through all that last summer, and now I am feeling good. You will too! Neo-adjuvant treatment (chemo before surgery) is tough. They start you on chemo with very little time before you start, and for me, the upcoming surgery was causing a lot of anxiety. I had too much time to think about it. The surgery (mod. rad. mast.) was much easier to deal with than the chemo, IMO.

Good advice has been submitted by all the others. Laugh when you can, and cry when you must. I am awed by your courage to post here during this time for you. I was too scared to do that until after my chemo and surgery, before rads!

Hugs,
Laura

bbmom · May 2007

Nancy,
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Try to hang in there. It does come to an end. In Dec. 2005 when I was dx I felt the same way. I had so much ahead of me and couldn't see an end in site. I had surgery, chemo, rads and more surgery. It will soon be a year since I finished chemo and started rads. Most of the time it seems like so long ago. Hang on and have faith, it will get better.
God Bless!

Annaanne · May 2007

Oh, Nancy, I want to second Tbear's response. I also had neo adjuvant chemo and, while every bc treatment is hard, neo adjuvant poses some extra challenges -- especially emotionally. Your body and MIND are totally wacked by the chemo and the steroids, plus you have the stress/fear of waiting for your surgery to get more information. A doc told me that neo chemo is like being diagnosed twice.
I can just confirm that you will get through it and things will get better...with time. I'm 2 years from a stage 3a dx and doing really well -- back to my old self. And I spent plenty of time just where you are now. You're in the toughest part. Do anything you can to distract yourself (movies, friends, acupuncture, walks, whatever) and get through it. You'll be done soon,
A

nbare1952 · May 2007

Sherry,
Thank you for your response. You are the first person who has said they were diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer. I hope you do not mind if I ask you some questions. When you had your surgery did you have any lymph node involvement? How may lymph nodes did they remove and did they take them from both arms? Did you have reconstructive surgery? What kind of follow up care do you recieve?
I just recieved my fifth TAC treatment and was supposed to have one more and then surgery. After my recent cat scan which showed some progress they are saying I may need more treatments. I hate the thought of this but of course will do whatever it takes. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions.
Nancy

lam · May 2007

Nancy,

I'm so sorry to read about what a tough time you are having. Wish I could reach through my PC and give you a hug. Prayers and thoughts going out to you.

Hugs,

Annaanne · May 2007

Nancy:
The terminology can be so confusing when you are first diagnosed! Locally advanced means that you have a largish tumor and probable lymph involvement, so anywhere from stage 2b to 3C. All the women in the stage 3 thread had "locally advanced" bc. It's just another way to describe it -- and there is probably a pretty big variety within what's called "locally advanced." I was confused by that term at first, too.
Take care.
A

kimf · May 2007

Nancy,
I know you were directing your question to Sherri, who I know will be along shortly to answer you, but I wanted to share, too. I had a LB mastectomy and lymph node dissection (23 nodes from underarm and chest). I had immediate tram reconstruction. I did not do neoadj treatment. My tumor was 3.5 c.m., grade 3, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and DCIS. 15 out of the 23 nodes were positive. This was in Feb of 2005. I am stage IIIC with locally advanced breast cancer that now shows no evidence of disease. I did 4 dd a/c, 4 dd Taxol, 28 rads and a year of herceptin. A year after the bc I was dx'd with thyroid cancer. I had a complete thyroidectomy and completed a treatment of radioactive iodine. All of this at age 39 - 40. I am cancer free right now and plan to stay that way. The treatments do work. You do what the doctor's say (as long as you have confidence you are in the right hands). We'll be here to answer your questions.
Good luck
Kimf

nbare1952 · May 2007

Thank you to all of you wonderful women. You are all wonderful and an inspiration to me. I just came from the doctors and I am a little discouraged. I just finished my 5th tac treatment last week and was supposed to have one more then surgery and radiation. Now they are talking three more treatments for a total of 8 before surgery. Of course I will do whatever it takes but I really want the chemo to be over and move on to the next step. Has this happened to any one else? Thank you

oscarsmom · May 2007

Nancy,
I was diagnosed with locally advanced bc Sept 19th, did 8 rounds of chemo, then surgery, then radiation. Sounds like the same protocal as what you are going through. I got pretty depressed during chemo, especially the days I felt rotten and never thought I would feel better. It does get better, i promise. Are you having a mastectomy? I had a bilateral so if you need any help when you are done with chemo, feel free to pm me. Most of these women have been through it and are of great help.
You won't regret having those last 3 treatments. When you are on the other side of this, you will feel confident that you have done everything you can.
p.s., I'm on paxil and have been since infertility problems years ago to deal with depression and anxiety. Even though it was a long time ago, I remember the first week I was on it was horrible. Give it some time to kick in. You will get through this. (((((BIG HUG)))), Pegs

nbare1952 · May 2007

Thanks, Pegs,
I am going to have a mascectomy and right now I don't think I am going to have reconstruction. I know you are right about the treatments. I just want it to be over with and it does not feel like it ever will be. Thank you for your encouragement. All of you ladies are wonderful.
Nancy

threadbear · May 2007

Nancy, I had 4AC and 4 Taxol treatments. After 6 treatments, my onc thought that maybe I should go ahead and have the surgery, then finish the last 2 Taxol afterward, but my surgeon thought that I was responding well, and should finish it before surgery. I'm glad I did, because after the surgery, he told me there was no visible tumor left. Also, I didn't have to go back to the Taxol again. I am receiving Herceptin, but it has no side effects, like nausea or pain. Hang in there- take it one day at a time and you'll make it!

mkl48 · May 2007

Sherri,
What is the rationale between TAC versus DOse denseAC/T. I have read that the taxane is considered the most useful and getting it on board early. Is that your understanding? I had my firstA/C. ist post day not too bad.I feel a little spacey and a sort of headache. did you get Neulasta and Emend and for how long.Beth Hope all is well with you. Glad you are back.Hope the celebratory times were wonderful

lkc · May 2007

Hi Nancy,
Don't know how I missed your original post, But I hope your Rx kicked in and you are feeling better, as Janis said it can take a couple of weeks. The good thing is we have all been down this crappy road and can definitely support you.
My motto was get lots of rest, keep nutrition up, have confidence in my onc, surround myself with positive people and reconnect with my faith. and of course come to these boards for a good dose of sanity and reassurance.
You will be ok,
and yes the Ac will make you feel spacy.
God Bless!

Linda Stage IIIC dxed May 05, NED !

mibriggs · May 2007

Nancy
Hang in there. I just sent you a private message...
take care
melanie
xoxo

feg1 · May 2007

I was diagnosed with stage3c breast cancer with 21 lymph nodes involved. The diagnosis was in 3/05. Had a masectomy and chemo. I had lobular breast cancer. All my scans in the past were clear with hemangiomas on my liver and also had some hypodense lesion. However the several scans I had were normal. I recently had a ct scan of my liver and was told that there are suspicious lesions on the liver. I was told to get an MRI of the liver as well. I had this in the past and everything was fine. I am really worried now because this time the lesions they found are suspicious. I hope this doesnt mean that i have mets to my liver I am freaking out. Has anyone had this experience before.

Snewl · June 2007

Hi Franci
I also had lobular, stage 3B (I think). 9/9+ nodes. Also had a lesion on liver after CT. They did a pet/ct and said everything was ok. That was 1/06. Now they are going to do another pet/ct to check again and of course I am worried. Onc. said in 4 months but they just called to set it up for next week. Hope that doesn't mean he's worried about it. Does this worry ever end?

Shirley

feg1 · June 2007

I don't know. Maybe as time goes on it becomes more routine and less worrisome. I had a cat scan and now a mri is scheduled for next week on my liver. However the impression I got from my oncologist is that they just want to keep a watchful eye on what is going on. I have had so far in the last 2 years 3 cat scans and one mri.

radiant · June 2007

Hi Nancy:

Being Stage III, after having zero symptoms (like the majority of us) is a BIG shock. Then, to be rushed into chemo and the constant continual medical care, anxiety, worries, inner strength, pills, medicines, WBC, rest, etc, etc . . . as you can see it's NOT a restful time.

But, our nurses keep comforting us, our partners/friends (hopefully) and this board - where we can come and say just as you did "I don't feel positive about this. I'm not super happy I have cancer!" Yes . . . as my chemo nurse says in T-shirts that she gives out to anyone who wants it "Cancer SUCKS". I chose not to keep the shirt becuz I knew one day I wanted this to be behind me.

I'll be two years out this July. I'm just now really moving on and not thinking about it all the time. Because it doesn't take up my day 24/7.

You will be in the same place. But, chemo is a tough time for us all. I watched Ellen every day. She made me happy and that's how I got through it. We all have to find our "secret stash" of happiness to get through this somehow.

Thanks for your honesty! This isn't easy.

- Kim

homeistexas · July 2007

Hi Nancy
I thought a word of encoragement from a long time survivor might help. I have survived since 1981 when i was dx with bc with 3 positve nodes. I was 29 and 5 months pregnant. They delivered the baby at 8 months and i then did 2 years of chemo. I was again dx in 1986 and did 6 weeks of radiation. I was again dx with IDC in 2006. I had a double mastectomy this time and 6 treatments of tax. I lost my hair and was sick but still managed to work most of the time. I am going to have my reconstruction done in Aug. Hope this one works, the one at time of mastectomy didn't work due to infection setting in. Thru it all I have had a wonderfull understanding Husband by my side. My advice is take it one day at a time and it will get better. I know it is hard but it is worth the fight. I have made it to see the baby from 1981 graduate valadictorian of her law class. When you get down think about the rewards to come and how much you will appreciate life when it is all over with. I have learned thru all of this that each day we are given is precious and to enjoy that day and if god chooses to give me tomorrow I will enjoy it to. No one even healthy people are garanteed tomorrow. I hope that knowing there are long time survivors helps you get thru this.
Alma

SoCalNancy · July 2007

Hi Nancy,

Alma is so right in saying that each day is precious, and to enjoy every minute. You hear so many stories of women who say cancer changed their lives for the better, and during my treatment I never really understood how that could be. Now I am 8 months past my bi-lat mast, 4 months from last chemo and 6 weeks past radiation and I feel so blessed to be alive. I do look at life differently, appreciate the little things, don't sweat the small stuff, and am more motivated to loose weight than I've ever been before. Halfway through my chemo I lost my beautiful 21 year old niece in a car accident. From that point on I didn't have any more pity-parties, and realized I need to be thankful for every day I am alive. Our treatments are not easy, and sometimes the best thing we can do is cry. But when the tears stop, we have to pick ourselves up and go forward, one day at a time. It will get better.
Love to all of you!
Nancy

I could use some encouraging words please

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