Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Dar- I just had to chime on on the subject of MIL - I've known mine since 1980 - she's never had a good day - and she's a "one-upper" - if I have a cold - she's running a fever and coughing. If I feel a bit tired,she's exhausted. A very needy attention demanding old lady. She's genuinely sorry I have cancer, but hints periodically that her son has to spend more time now with his wife than her - This has been going on for years - There are 4 siblings, my SIL - who has never gotten along with her mother, barely even to this day, an older brother, who has lived either in Boston or San Francisco and we are in Toronto, do you get the distance factor, and my husband's fraternal twin brother, who basiccally has not much to do with his mother unless she's handing out money - then he's the sweetest son ever. So basically my DH has been listening to and attending to his mother over the years, and finally in Jan 06 he suffered a brain aneurysm, which I blasted his siblings about - I really feel that his blood pressure and the stress of taking the brunt of her crap caused that to happen. Luckily he has come through it, and his sister has really come around and stepped up to the plate to take a more active role in looking after my MIL -
I'm just not used to her kind of behaviour, because I had wonderful parents who loved their kids tremedously, - my mother and I are very close - she had me when she was just married over a year, so she's only 19 years older than me. And don't even get me started on my late father, who passed on in 1991 - his family was the most important thing in his life. He had a binder of sales figures that he would take to business meetings, and in the front of it he had an 8 x 10 glossy picture of our family with the heading "This is the reason I do what I do". Never a word of complaint from either of my parents...
So Dar you're not alone out there with MIL from you know where -
caya

Lynn – I got the package. You are so thoughtful. It’s on my desk where I will see it all day as I work. It is my company address – but it’s my company and I check the mail, so no slow down there! I have always joked that our mail carrier is a bit of a slacker (same guy for home and work address). He often delivers mail to the wrong address. I’ve met some good friends in my neighborhood after delivering their mail to them after it was put in my box. Last year they fired one of our mail carriers because if she didn’t finish her route at “quiting time” she would just leave the mail in her car and finish the next day. Can you imagine! Anyway, the package did arrive and I LOVE it!

Oh, and Lynn – call your oncs office and see if they can add something else for nausea (there are more pills, trust me).

Robertin – what a wonderful celebration. It’s great that the nurses recognized it. Love that you took all of that great food with you.

Dar – The red heels sound perfect. Ugh, that MIL. I am sorry that you have to put up with that at any time and especially now. A headache!??!?! Please!

Mizsissy – glad to hear your energy is coming back. It’s nice to hear some evidence that there is light at the end of the tunnel since I can’t quite see it yet. I am sorry that you are having such a struggle with hormone therapy. A subject that I don’t know anything about except for what you have told us here.

My last chemo is Friday. Can’t say that I’m looking forward to it. But I will be glad to have it behind me. I just hope I have a vein left in my arm for them. They pushed the epirubicin faster last time and that vein still looks OK.

Lynn - have you tried eating more frequently to stop the nausea? I found a little bit of food helped even though nothing seemed appetizing. The mail in Michigan must be the slowest around!
Nancy, Sorry you're so tired. Maybe you should call the dr and get your blood checked?
Lilacs -- Every time I see them I think of you guys!

Robertin - congras on being finished with chemo - hope you feel ok.
Caya - I know what you mean about being raised differently. My inlaws are/were strange. It is true that when you marry, you marry the whole family.
Jan - good luck on Friday, I'll be thinking of you.
Shorti - I want the last rad appt of the day - I hope everyone else wants the early ones. How long between chemo and starting rads?
Mizsissy - good news that you can still exercise. Everyone is warning me that I am going to be tired when I start rads but I hope that I can do something.
I am trying to figure out the coconut/kiwi hair thing. Does a coconut have hair?

I overdid it today, went to the gym (don't tell my dr) and tried to take it easy then went shopping, then came home and cleaned. I feel great but I am draining more. Those of you who had drains and got them out soon after surgery, did you lay around - did that help? I guess I better taper off for the next few days or I'll never get this last drain out. I feel soooo good, it's hard for me to do nothing. I also got a good referral from a friend for a new gynecologist so I'll have to find out when I make an appt. I was hoping to get the rad simulation done soon but I know the drains have to be out and swelling down. I talked to a trainer at the gym today who had Stage IV lymphoma and it surrounded his heart. They tried a new drug that only two other people had had, and it worked for him. This gave me great hope. My son made the Dean's List again so that made me very happy.

Hi to Dar, Rebecca, RobbinJaye, Skye, Amera and anyone else I forgot.

QUOTE: also, to get ready to move on and transition from this world to another, because now we know the time will come sooner or later. Religion is more important now

MIZSISSY, THIS IS THE PART I CAN'T HANDLE. AT 41, W/TWO KIDS UNDER TEN, I JUST CAN'T EVEN GO THERE. THIS IS THE PART THAT KEEPS ME ON ATIVAN.

Well, tomorrow is my last chemo. I have a friend who does cookie baskets out of her house so I ordered a huge basket of assorted cookies for the nurses and a smaller one for my onc. She dropped them offtoday, they look amazing. I am ambivalent about it being my final chemo, but of course they won't see the last of me for about a year because I'll be back for the Herceptin.

Jan- it's you and me kiddo to finish this week - yippee!!

shorti - check at Sunnybrook to see if they hav a BC social worker there that you can speak to if you want to get post chemo counseling - I had one at PMH where I had my MRM and I did call her once, she was very nice.

Mary - I did spent alot of time on the couch after my mast. - it still took almost 3 weeks for the second drain to come out - but like I said, I healed great. Congrats on your son making the Dean's list.

Mizsissy - thanks for the post chemo advice all good ideas.
I am going to speak to my onc. this week about what anti-hormonals he's going to put me on, but I think they will have to redo my hormone blood work - before BC I was still premenopausal. Plus I still have the ovary issue. My GP called last night with the report from the gyn onc. I saw last month - everybody thinks I should wait to decide when I get my BRCA test results back- so I will wait.

RobbinJaye - do night sweats count as hot flashes - cuz I get a few night sweats everynight - shorti - I hear ya - sheets on, sheets off - and cap on, cap off...

Tina - It is against the Jewish religion to get tattoos - good enough reason for me to NEVER do it...

Nancy - glad you chimed in - hang in there - great about your hair...
hugs to all
caya

I just wrote a long post catching up on two days worth of stuff, and it's lost - do you know how frustrating that is?? Don't know that I can do it again - I may just have to declare myself caught up and call it good. Please just know that I've been reading the past two days and paying attention, but for some reason haven't gotten up the energy to post. Not that I'm particularly feeling bad - actually today I felt better than I have in several weeks, I think! Of course, that is with 12 hours (or more) of sleep, but still... My weight was down 2 lb. today and I think yesterday also, so the fluid is coming off, and the legs look like legs again.

Just a couple things...Congrats Lynn and Robertin for being done with chemo, and Caya and Jan for being done this week also. Who's next?

Jan, glad you had a good lunch with goldnmom - I knew you'd love her, she's a great lady!

Caya, your story about your father and his family photo brought tears to my eyes - what a special guy he must have been.

Everybody else, I love you, I'll keep up better, I promise!
Mel

Mary, so glad you finally got your path report back. Are you sure she said 7mm? That is actually a very small tumor and should not require radiation. She might have said 7cm, in which case you would need radiation. Us lobular gals tend to have the larger size tumors (mine was 7.5 cm). To answer your question about activity and drain removal, I literally laid around from the time I got home Monday until Friday when I had my post op and he removed the drain then. I was so happy. Good news on the nodes and margins! J

Skye, congrats on 3 week heceptin instead of 1 week. That must be such a relief!

T4t, boy oh boy, Tae sure has had enough. Glad the Onc didn’t fell as though she needed the last taxotere, sounds like she had just as hard of a time that she did on Taxol. She’s on the road to recovery and that fabulous she can look forward to visit from family! Thanks so much for the update.

Mel, thanks for the link on Spanx. I think I’ll give them a try. I saw them on Oprah one day and Oprah herself wears them all the time. Is there any style in particular you like? So sorry to hear you’ll need 2 surgeries. Wow, only a month difference. Not that you would go back and ask if they already made their decision, but how about meeting in the middle?

Mary, where did you get the stat on anyone over 5cm is stage 3? I believe that is true if you have positive nodes, but if you are negative nodes, you are stage Iib with tumor over 5cm. Here is the link to ACS. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_3X_How_is_breast_cancer_staged_5.asp?sitearea= Looks like you are stage IIB, just like me.

Skye, I don’t ride a motorcycle, but am the biker babe on the back! J I’m too scared I’d lose my attention span just long enough. Not sure how much I’ll ride this summer though.

Joni, looks like you’re heavily involved in your flowerpots…how nice! Do let us know more about the Breast Cancer supportive Care Center.

Amera, thanks for the update on your rads. Hope the new cream works. We were talking about getting a dog today and decided against it. Schedules are too crazy.

Robertin, I don’t remember if I officially graduated you on finishing chemo…yippee! That’s so sweet they celebrated with you!

Dar, sorry about the lymphedema, but glad they caught it early. Hang in there. You go girl with your bright red heals.

Mizsissy, go glad your energy is back, but try not to fall back into the exhaustion by doing too much. You sound like you have so much energy all the time and get frustrated when you can stay with your usual routine. Please don’t get yourself back to where you were not feeling well. I just finished up chemo and still have no interest in sex

Mary, I do feel worse when my stomach is empty, but sometimes it’s so hard because nothing appeals me. Once I do get eating, the nausea subsides. Based on history, I expect it will be better tomrrow.


Mizsissy, thank’s for all the post chemo wisdom! I will try to do the best I can. Working and family usually prohibits getting enough sleep. Also the steroids don’t help in that department either.

Caya, big hugs and best of luck at your last chemo…check in with us when you can!

I have the BC board open and scroll through, then when I find something I want to post, I put it in a word doc. I then don’t have to keep scrolling up and down on the message board and never lose the post . Just copy and paste from word into the message board, works like a charm.

Ok, I am officially caught up! Whew! Sorry again for such long posts, just wanted to make sure I was up to date.

I think about 5 people still ahve not received their gift. Hopefully tomorrow...

love and hugs!

My daughter Abby (she was insistent on attending my appt.- wanting to know what's happening with Mom!) and I met Dr. Warren, the radiologist. He's reviewed my records. We talked about what the pathology signifies, at least his interpretations of the information.

The simplified version of our discussion is:

a) I am not the typical breast cancer patient. The relatively small size of tumor, 1.1 cm, and having only one involved node puts me in a grey area. National Comprehensive Cancer Network, NCCN, recommends that radiation be discussed. But it's not a 'have to' situation.

b) According to Dr. Warren, usually node involvement correlates to tumor size - the larger the tumor, the greater the chance for node(s) involvement. He's concerned that my tumor had affected my sentinel node at such a small size (it didn't feel that small when I found it!), indicating perhaps some virulence.

c) He's also concerned that the sentinel node was greatly enlarged and it was not encapsulated but had 'extensions'. He says that increases the chances of recurrence.

We discussed the possibility that radiation would increase my chances for lymphadema in my right arm. The field of treatment typically is from above the clavicle on the treated side, the entire chest wall of that side and the axillary area (armpit). The lymph nodes that are just above the clavicle are part of the lymphatic system affecting the arm, radiating that area and them could cause problems in fluid in the arm draining appropriately. We discussed the surgeon's concern about this as the armpit area has already been disturbed.

I don't want there to perhaps be a recurrence in a few years and wish that I had done more now - radiation. It seems like I've been through so much already, going through radiation won't be that much more.

Dr. Warren is going to call the surgeon and talk with her. He's going to compromise and reduce the field of treatment so it will be below the clavicle and those lymph nodes are not involved. I am agreeable to that.

I will have some preliminary tests and preparations this week starting with a CT of my chest tomorrow. 6 weeks of radiation will start next week when they've got me marked and ready.

I didn't sleep well last night. Jeez, this mess called Cancer is like the gift that keeps on giving.

Cindy

Hi all. Thanks for the good wishes. Work went well - they had a fruit tray "welcome back" in the coffee room for me. The red shoes made me smile. My husband asked if they were comfortable - but that's not the point!
I got a sleeve for my arm yesterday. As it happened, they only had one in my size and it had been a display, so they gave it to me! I think they run around $100. I'm feeling a bit funked about this, but I sure want to keep it under control so will wear it, at least while exercising and travelling. It feels good on, but it will be hot in the warm weather.
Cindy, what a good daughter you have - that's the kind of caring that counts. Sounds like you have reached a decision you can live with and that's the best we can do.

I meant to say 7 cm. -- sorry I work better in inches. It is comforting to know that it is not uncommon for large sizes with that type of cancer.

I determined my stage according to the breastcancer.org site which says:

Stage IIIA
Stage IIIA describes invasive breast cancer in which:

the tumor measures larger than five centimeters, OR


there is significant involvement of lymph nodes. The nodes clump together or stick to one another or surrounding tissue.

Since mine is larger than 5 cm, I think I qualify under that site, but I see under your site I'm Stage II? Another question for the onc.

I didn't sleep well again, hot/cold, hot/cold, and having strange dreams - dreams about trying to go to the gym and not being able to exercise! I will take it easy today, but I did nothing last night after I emptied my drain except sleep and I still got 30 mm in one empty and I still have to add onto that what I empty tonight, so it's going to be a long road I'm afraid.

Mary thanks for the affirmation. My dad had me doubting my judgement and I wound up very defensive even though I knew in my heart that my place was at Frances's side.

Please everybody cross your fingers that she heals in time for States! She will be very upset if she can not compete

"You can't believe the number of heads that looked up and stared at me... it's like people can't help themselves..."look at the train wreck!"

What I am finding is that after they stare, they turn away- "Turtle faces"
More annoying is being ignored- When I go into stores and such and speak to people, of course not my friends, just people who are acquaintances I meet in stores or elsewhere, and no one acknowledges me. What gives? We have been meeting with quite a few people, some couples, for estimates for a new septic system. They do not say a thing. It is like I am invisible. Maybe they think they would be rude by mentioning anything, I do not know. Does anyone find that after speaking to someone, they do not mention anything?
Viddie

Hi Ladies,
I'm writing from beautiful downtown LaCrosse again, tagged along with the dh on his business conference and am meeting my friend Terri, a fellow survivor (10 years out) for lunch. I'm wearing the wig because like you have all said about the heads turning for the train wreck or the invisibility, it gets a little annoying. And while I enjoy staring back at them and smiling, just to see them look away in embarrassment, that gets annoying too. What I want to do is scream, "Haven't you ever seen anyone with cancer before?" But I don't. Sometimes after they look away they will look again and so I just catch their eye again and smile again. It's quite disconcerting for them. In Walmart last week after a man did that THREE times I said to my dh (so that they guy could hear) "Honey, that man is staring at me." Then he stopped.

Anyway, Robertin I forgot to congratulate you on last chemo day, and Rebecca, much sympathy for Frances. I used to sub between teaching jobs but there was no way I would sub for a phy ed class, I knew I was way out of my league. Supervising playground duty was bad enough. Always someone falling off the monkey bars or something.

Caya, my dh and I also prefer the Luxor! We'll have to meet you and your dh in Vegas next time you go! We enjoy taking long weekends there because it is so different from Wis., we rent cars and drive around in the desert, even went to the Little Ale'Inn on the ET highway.

Lynn, I'm so proud of you for going topless and glad your nausea is better. I will do away with headgear as soon as I have a proper crewcut at least and no scalp is showing. I also have my hair dye ready, I got the kind that eventually rinses out as I figure I'll have to redo several times as it keeps growing.

Mary I have had really strange dreams ever since I started chemo. I think it does things to our brains ...besides the chemo fog.

Hope everyone has a great day -- Skye