Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Jan, that Grad pic is beautiful. You look lovely!! You have a very handsome family!!

Amera, one thing I'm amazed by is the number of young women developing this disease. I think alot of it is due to the environment.

Yesterday at my rads appt I met an gentleman that was telling me he had farmed for the last 35 or 40 years, and that just about all his neighbours (farmers also) have developed some form of cancer over the last 10 years. DDT and all the fertilizers that they use, it's no wonder.

Also, he was saying he has honeybees, and that just about his entire colony has died. They're saying it's from cell phones, but without honey bees we wouldn't have much agriculture anymore, and they pollinate a majority of the crops.

Makes you wonder!!

___________

Joni

Quote:

---

We finishing up. We're getting done. It's time to STOP FOCUSING ON CANCER and focus on LIFE, and I can't think of a better place to do it than with you women. You are so remarkable, and so talented and insightful...this is a great group...we just need to move forward into other discussions.
Mizsissy

---

Mizsissy, I hope there will be a time when I can stop focusing on cancer, but I'm not there yet. I still have another chemo to get through and then the after time when I'll feel like crap. I'm all for other discussions, but I still need to come here for the support all you wonderful women give me during my treatments.

Jan, lovely picture, you look fabulous!

Joni, your niece and her husband make an almost fairytale bridal couple. I loved the way she had her hair done, and I think the first picture of them in the slide show is the one I liked the best.

Hey Lynn...I understand...I had a little wine in me when I posted and I think I was responding to Aladora, who has as much or more to cope with than we do and needs to get her mind away from it. I do think that the survivors are the ones who are so enthralled with life they are drawn back into it and away from thoughts about being sick.

Haven't read all your posts, but Mel, I can certainly relate to your need to throw pots. For years and years that's all I ever wanted to do and I never got a chance.

Skye..wish someone would buy me some scarves; I have one favorite old limp one that I wear to bed every night that is falling into shreds.

EYEBROWS-they're comin' back...Little black specks. And I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I did rub a little Nioxin on them a few days ago!!

Mizsissy

Well, I'm not doing so well today. I just have this feeling of dread in me and can't seem to get out. I have to drive out to Cambridge for my company's User Forum tomorrow. I will be very happy to see my clients but am dreading all the 'you look great' comments. I only see them about twice per year. I'll have to be 'on' for Sunday night, Monday, Monday night, then drive home Tuesday just in time to get my chemo at 11am. So there goes the rest of the week. I don't know, I guess that's why I'm so grumpy, not sure if I have some anxiety about this being my last one. Also, I have to miss a biker event tomorrow. There's a run in honor of a friend that died a year ago with all the proceeds being donate to Shriners. I always have so much fun with these friends and have to miss it. I'm not sure that I would have gone on my dh's bike though. For some reason I'm afaid...feel like I can't go riding until I'm done with my treatment.

Anyway, enough whining...just a little blue. DH is taking me out to a local favorite restaurant tonight.

Joni, I think those are the most beautiful wedding pictures I've ever seen. What a gorgeous couple, and setting...and her hair was so romantic and perfect. I hope their life is always as happy as that day was beautiful.

Also, I had a bit of an excuse for not singing well in the first grade, too - some kind of ear problem, so I couldn't hear the horrible sounds I must have been producing. I let that excuse stand, in the family, but in all honesty, I *know* I was trying to sing like an opera singer, and that was the problem.

Lynn, I sort of had that feeling of dread before my last treatment, too. I blamed it on a lot of things, but I really think I was just anxious about the end of treatment, and what was to come after that. With your trip to Cambridge added in, no wonder you're grumpy. But, a week from now you'll be starting to perk up, right? Hope you have a good dinner this evening, and a good night's sleep tonight. I also agree with you that while it would be nice to just move on past all this cancer stuff, I'm still not totally there - it's not done for me and I still need the support of the group for that. The other stuff is fun, too, of course.

Jan, you looked elegant and lovely in your picture. Don't you wonder now why you worried so much? Glad it went well.

Skye, you're probably right - I need to just go take a class and learn to throw pots. It might be sad if I find out it's in my soul and I can't get it out...but there have been a couple of other things that I just *knew* I could do, that I knew were in there, and I was right, so maybe.... Mizsissy, wish we were close to each other, sounds like we would have fun doing that together.

DH and I went and took a cooking class this morning. Actually, it was a sushi makingi class, and it was a LOT of fun. We did a pretty good job of it, too, if I do say so myself. I don't see us doing that much, we mainly went to learn what goes into the process, and we did learn that. Didn't expect it to be so much fun. I think we - or at least I - will go back for some other classes. Then we came home, and took a nap - I slept for three hours, and that's after a three hour class. Guess I'm not ready for a day's work yet. My legs swelled up quite a bit from standing for three hours, too, but they're still better than they were.

Mary hope you're doing ok - sorry you're still waiting.

Have a good ecvening, everybody.
Mel

As I sit looking at your girls, I think about going through this with my two daughters being grown and married - 27 and 24.

I can't imagine what this process has been for you and the other BC sisters with the young children. I have cried over the worry and the stress that y'all must have been carrying.

And for the young women who've not had children and end up in chemopause.

I know we all have a story. We all have our own road to travel but some things do seem harder.

Cindy

Joni, looooooooooove the wedding pics. What a gorgeous couple. Looks like a layout for a magazine, Ralph Lauren or something. Beautiful!

Jan, loved your pic too of graduation. Congrats, by the way! The kids are adorable, your husband is handsome and your scarf looks great. You def. can wear scarves! About now they aren't looking so good on me...think my face is kind of round right now and I feel like a pumpkin.

Speaking of which, my SIL put "medium brown" in what little white/gray hair I had and now, 2-3 weeks later, it's faded to this gross orangey-brown. Hating it. I hate grey, I hate this. It's growing so damn slow too...I'm getting very frustrated.

Skye, didn't notice a thing btw. small and large doses of Herceptin.

Nancy, gross chemo group they put you with. Boy, did that sound mean. But really, if it isn't bad enough... what was imagechefs.com and why did you direct me there? I can't recall. I just looked at the site but got some advertising stuff.

Lynn, I think you are smart to avoid going on a bike (I'm assuming you mean motorcycle). As we know, we don't heal well on chemo and God forbid you fell off or anything. All it takes is one fool to pull in front of you... I think you are having "end of tx" syndrome. I definitely had it. Plus, I don't blame you for not wanting to hear all the "you look great" stuff. It gets old.

Mary, yes, I concur with the others: waiting is the hardest part. I am sooooooooo not good at it. God forbid you are still chatting w/me if I ever need to "wait" for something some day... you'll wish you never met me!

I fell asleep on the couch last night at 9 and here I am...wide awake at 3. I had a crappy evening trying on dresses for a friends wedding which is in a month. NOTHING fit. I know I said I wasn't going to worry about my weight, but I felt like an encased sausage in everything I put on...I can't wear strapless or backless dresses because, as my husband said: I look like a linebacker. I know that sounds mean but I'm not offended. It's kind of our codeword when I want an honest opinion...

Robertin, I'd keep painting those nails red as there's not much you can do otherwise...

QUOTE: Mel that is hilarious about the baby pilgrim and the teddy bear.

How could I have grown up in New England and not heard of baby "Oceanus"? Not even when I went to the Mayflower for the first time two summers ago. I must have been tuning out in history class.

Wow, it is really great to read about everyone starting to pull out of the funk.

Lynn-I know EXACTLY how you feel. the end of treatment for me coincides with final exams and wrapping up the semester, so I have to be "on" when I am least equipped to as well. I have a strong desire to bury my head in my pillows and hide in my room but I do not have that luxury. On the other hand, it does keep me from wallowing in my misery so I guess it can be looked at as ok from a certain point of view. Be well! {{{{Lynn}}}}

Robertin-I would probably keep an eye on your toenails. There is a possibility of infection, which you would not see if they are painted red. My fingernails look a bit like what you are describing and I was told NOT to paint them so that I would be able to see if anything went seriously funky and deal with it.

Jan, you did look absolutely gorgeous! Congrats to your hubby.

Mel-I LOOOOOVE sushi! That sounds like a fun class. I once had an impromptu class from a Japanese student who worked in my lab from grad school. It was unforgettable!

Dearest Cindy-I have to admit that doing this with small children has been very difficult and heartbreaking. At the same time, however my children inspire me to keep going. They are the "carrot on the stick". Through this entire experience I just keep telling myself that I am doing this so that I do not miss any birthdays. As difficult as they (unintentionally) make it, they also paradoxically make it easier...albiet in a different way than my BC sisters make it easier

As for me, I still feel pretty weak, and my sleep has been very disturbed. On the other hand the rains have passed and the sun has come out in NJ. All of the rain and the subsequent sunshine has resulted in an explosion of growth everwhere. Yesterday we were driving home from my MIL's house, and I was brought to tears by the beauty around me. I do not think I can remember a more beautiful spring. It almost seems like the world is coming to life around me just when I myself am beginning to return to life. Just to add to the hokyness, my lilac bush is now in bloom (just two flowers) which may not seem very significant, but that is a flower I associate with my beloved, departed grandmother. Through this I have thought of her much, and just when I need her the most, something like this happens to bring her to mind.

I too was a bit hesitant to wash my scarves, mostly because I did not want them to shrink. Hot flashes being what they are, I have found it hard to avoid for too long . What I have done is wash them with woolite (sometimes in sink, sometimes in washer ALONE) and then after spinning them in the washer to get the water out, I iron them when still damp. This serves a double purpose of drying them, and keeping them from looking like wrinkled tissue paper as they would likely do if I air-dried them. I have had good luck with my Headcovers scarves.

Good Morning,

Thanks for all the support ladies. I agree that it's probably the anxiety of the last chemo lurking.

DH just left on the motorcycle. It's only 45 degrees..brrrrrr. Glad I'm home in my warm clothes. This morning he said 'you've been a furnace the last couple nights' huh? evidently, my hot flashes are not only warming me up, but warming his side of the bed as well. He comes to bed and his side is warm!

Joni, what lovely pics of the wedding! They are both gorgeous!

Mizsissy, so glad your nephew is better, nice picture of him!

Tina, I too had to try on a bunch of stuff for the Users Forum. I did manage to get enough outfits for the conference, but don't feel real comfortable in the tight clothes. Blazers are wonderful!

Mary, I'm still numb on my mastectomy scar and a little bit where my triceps are on my arm. It has been getting less as time goes by. I'm a lob gal as well and just got the reminder to make my annual appt. I absolutely love my ob/gyn. Have been going to him for just over 20 years and have the most trust in him of any of my Dr's.

Speaking of time, tomorrow is 6 months since my dx of ILC.

I think I'm going to bring the 3 chemo nurses an African Violet for my last chemo.

Robertin, we're both getting our last chemo on the same day! Yay for us!

Well, I'm off to go poke around the house and get a few things done since it'll be my last opportunity until next week. I'll check in later.

Hi ladies, Happy Sunday back to all of you. I not only went to church in my freshly washed wig, but wore a skirt and heels too for the first time since dx. It does a lot to help me get over that old victim feeling. And yet, like you Tina and Lynn, I also still feel the need to deal with the cancer issues. I feel like I have a long way to go with the rads and Herceptin and then tamo, etc., plus wearing scarves for a couple of months yet. But that doesn't mean we can't gather lilacs in the meantime. Rebecca, I was out clipping some branches to bring indoors just before I read your post. My late dad LIVED for lilacs in the spring and used to bring home huge armloads of them despite the fact my mom was allergic. They always remind me of him.

Tina, thanks for letting me know the larger Herc dose didn't bother you. I'm afraid to ask about it on the HER2 site. Also, LOL, glad to know I'm not the only wig-washing slacker. It did look brighter and just needed a bit of taming with a quick spray this morning. It was actually much faster than washing and drying my own hair which is normally abnormally thick.

Robertin hope those toenails come back colorwise. I still don't have brown marks anywhere but I do have whitish areas at the base of all my nails now, lighter than the normal "half-moon" color. They aren't sore so I don't know what that means. I was also told not to color nails so they could be observed but if you remove the polish now and then I don't know what harm it could do.

Mary, I didn't have a mastectomy but I still have numb areas in my lumpectomy breast. And armpit. The surgeon managed to save the nipple but it also is numb. And I really must get to Victoria's Secret and get one of those little gel falsies you all have talked about. This morning when I looked down at the hymnal in my lap I realized for the first time that my right side really does stick out farther than the left, even with a padded bra. You'd think after all these months I would have noticed sooner, guess I've been in denial.

Lynn, my 6-month dx anniversary is coming up in a week or so too. I've been thinking about making an OB appt. too, I had a thickened uterine lining they also biopsied but was benign. I still worry about it. And my OB-GYN is a breast cancer survivor so she's extra vigilant.

Lynn and Robertin, congrats on the last chemo Tuesday. Mary, do let us know tomorrow as soon as you hear.

Just sitting here smelling the lilacs -- Skye

Spanx are wonderful - used to have some when I was thin. Was just thinking that I need to buy some of those in a larger size.
Mel

For my fellow scarf wearers – I found the most awesome thing today at REI. It’s a “buff” (like on Survivor if you watch that). You can wear it like a scarf – but with no tying needed. I wore it outside in the wind today with no problem. You can also twist it and wear it like a cap and other styles as well. The one I have is very light, and extremely comfortable. The most comfortable thing I’ve found so far. Here’s the link to the pic online: http://www.rei.com/product/736217 There is a video demo too.

I wash my scarves once a week on the gentle cycle and dry them in the dryer. I usually take them out before they are completely dry. Most of mine are from headcovers or janasbandanas and I haven’t had any problems with them.

Lynn – sorry that you are having a rough day. I hate that you will miss the bike ride. Sounds like a wonderful event. Good luck with your work week.

TPPJ – I get that round face too for a week after each chemo. I blame it on the steroids. It seems like my whole body is swollen for that week and I just hate it.

Mary – my mastectomy was in December and my chest, underarm, and part of my arm are still all numb, although it has gotten slightly better. I have a friend who is 2 years out from bilateral and has most of the feeling back. I do have full range of motion back. Hope you get your path report soon.

RobbinJaye – Yes! Hair! Wonderful!

Thanks all for the compliments on the picture – you always make me feel great.