Alice, Hanoria and Sue

Hi Jackie,

Sorry to hear that you've been struggling with not feeling well. I hope you get some answers from the Mayo Clinic, they have a very good reputation.

Seeing a therapist can also be helpful, I'm going to see one starting on Monday! BC is not the only stressor for me. I have a son who has a lot of serious problems which is very hard to deal with. As his Mom you want to be able to "fix" things, but that's not always possible. He is dealing with serious depression, drug issues, and attempted sucide twice. He came back to live with me in October, just before I got diagnosed. I got him some medical help that he needed for both issues, and he's now doing a lot better. It will be something that he will have to deal with for the rest of his life. It's so hard to see someone you love in so much pain and you can't really help them. I don't talk about it much, there's a lot of shame that comes with drug addiction, but so many good young people now are struggling with it. My son is now doing a lot better, he got a job this past month in Virginia with a friend for the summer. I worry when he's living with me, and now I worry when he's not. That's what I'm hoping therapy will help me with!

My medical bills added up to $100,000. I have very good coverage so it only cost me a few hundred in co pays. I also know that's what the providers asked for, not what the insurance company paid out. I'm so thankful that I have health coverage.

I am going to the Jersey Shore for a week this summer and I'm really looking foward to it. My sisters and brother and their families will be there also, we all rented houses within walking distance of each other. I'm not sure if any of my children will be able to come, but I'm hoping, and if not, I'll sitll enjoy it.

Hang in there Jackie, I thought for awhile that I would never get healthy, dealing with first my BC and then my shoulder problem, but now I'm feeling well. I know that your health issues are different and more serious, but hopefully the help your reaching out for will improve your situation.

Alice

Hi everyone-
Just got home from church. It was so nice to go after missing so much. Didn't last through Sunday School, though. My friends from church have been so sweet to me. They bring my dh and I dinner twice a week and someone comes over to help with housework a couple a times a month and my mom and mother-in-law help out frequently as well. I saw a therapist yesterday and she said that I needed to grieve, the lost of health, mobilty, so forth. Made so much since. Prior to becoming sick with B12 defiency, I was very active in so many things. I worked with the youth at church, worked in our church's family history center (geneology) once a week and I was the one helping someone by cleaning their house or taking in a meal. I have tried to retrain my thinking. I have always been a positive person and once the bc struck, then boom, recurrence of health issues that I thought I had a handle one. A few of you have also mentioned issues that have caused you increased stress since the bc. But guess what, we're all still here and just think if we had gone through this 20 years ago, we would have given a death sentence. Grateful for medical science even though at times we feel the treatments can kill us. HA!

Alice- I am so sorry that you are having to deal with issues with your son. Both of my kids went through some scary stuff when they were in high school. I know how hard it is and I know that pray is the only thing that kept me going sometimes. Fortunately they are both doing well now and I couldn't be more proud of them. I hope things will work out for your son as well.

Hanoria- I am so sorry that you are also dealing with issuses with your son. My Aunt and Uncle adopted older children as well and they sure do come with alot of baggage, but I admire you for adopting in the first place. It takes very special people to welcome adoptive children into their homes. I hope he will get the help he needs and you can have peace in your life.

I have also had a feeling that I should "put things in order". I don't think it is because of fear of recurrence so much as getting a wake up call telling us that we are vuneralbe and we need to prepare our families to deal with
whatever comes our way.

Sue, Kelly, Wendy- How are you all doing?

Sending ya'll all (southern slang) well wishes,
Jackie

Hanoria,

Lots more patients are eligible for mammosite than receive it, possibly because ( my thoughts):

1) Not all facilities have the mammosite radiation source available

2) Not all radoncs are trained to perform it

3) Not all insurance companies cover it

4) Even patients who are "eligible" sometimes are explanted because of conformity or skin spacing issues.

More in the above groups are prepared to provide mammosite therapy all the time (and working around issues in #4), but until all the major insurers cover it, other facilities/docs won't invest the time or money.

OK all, so what's with heart palpitations (slight) that produce small adrenaline rushes about every 30 seconds? It started about 6 hours after my first treatment this morning, and has been going on for about 8-9 hours now. It's NOT my body's normal response to anxiety, so this is something different. Any ideas? I'll surely tell the rad onc tomorrow... I think I may need xanax tonight.

keep praying and send any ideas this way!

Wendy

I assume "eligible" , as referred to above, is 'On label' for mammosite. However, there are docs who are yet to be convinced that mammosite is as effective as whole breast radiation and, therefore, women who have no choice but those docs are denied the opportunity for mammosite tho' they are "eligible."

Hi All,
Thanks for all of your kind words. Last week seemed to be rough for alot of us, hope everyone is having a better one this week.
Interesting info on mammosite. It seems every doctor has their own criteria. I am just so thankful that it was offered to me. I read on these boards how hard the 6 weeks of rads can be on the body.
Today is Secretary's Day. I got so many nice cards, gifts, etc. It is always nice to be appreciated.
Anyone else on tamoxifen having hot flashes? They seem to come and go, some days I don't have any and then others, like today, I seem to have them every half hour. This probably means I'll have night sweats tonight. Oh well, small price to pay for the protection it gives me.
Sue

Hi all, I was so excited yesterday. I woke up feeling like a normal human being. I got up at six(haven't done that since bc diagnosis and having to take sleep aid(Lunesta), made my husband breakfast and a lunch.
Clipped coupons, made a grocery list, cleaned out cupboards and frig. (going to start a lifestyle change from You on a Diet by Dr. Oz and Rozien as seen on Oprah). Don't want to pooh-pooh all the lovely meals that my sisters from church have brought me, but I've gained 20 lbs. since dx and that on top of already having constant fatigue, had to do something. Cleaned my kitchen. Went to the grocery! Now for most of you that is no big feat, but I haven't been to the grocery by myself in over 3 months. I get so tired and dizzy, no one will let me drive. Spent two hours just going up and down aisles looking for all of the good for you stuff they suggest you eat for the first two weeks. After that you can eat anything you want as long as you avoid the white stuff. White sugar, flour, rice, anything bleached or enriched, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils, stay with less than 4 grams sat. fat and less than 4 grams sugars.

When I got home I put the groceries away, cut flowers from my yard for a bouquet, rearranged lawn furniture on deck, walked all over the yard to see how much lawn work needs to be done (yikes), late frost did a number on azealeas and crepe myrtles, came in and spent an hour playing the piano. Now I know that all that doesn't seem like a grand day, but for me it was a blessing. Most days I'm so dizzy my dh won't allow me to walk around the pool by myself. Fell in last spring while adjusting fountain handle. Was fully dressed tennis shoes and all and very heavy. Scary, luckily I was a lifegurad in younger days so didn't panic and kicked and kicked till I made it to the side. Can't play piano 'cuz even with glasses can't read the notes or even if I could couldn't remember which was which. I was so excited until bed time. I got so cold and couldn't get warm. No fever. And today woke up with tightchest, just like I have been, no voice and light headed. So sad it didn't last. I wish I knew what gave me the surge of energy, I would bottle it.

Haven't heard from the Mayo Clinic yet. Tried to call neuro's office yesterday, but forgot that they close office at noon on Friday.

Alice- I am proud of you for signing up for Avon Walk. I'll check out your site for a donation.

My 23 yr old son is driving me crazy! He is automotively challenged. Two years ago when he returned from his mission, my daughter sold him her '94 Honda Accord for $750.00, could have gotten alot more, but was trying to be nice. Something flew up from interstate and hit him, breaking out ds window and denting door. My brother took pity and helped him finance a Acura Integra that he had just refurbished. 2 weeks later totaled it in parking lot of apt complex. They had just black topped lot and it was misting just enough to make it slick and he slid into a curb messing up whole undercarriage. Ins. paid so he bought a Bigggg truck just as gas prices were rising. Couldn't afford gas so my sweet brother traded him for a Honda Civic that has the skinny tires and big rims. Glenn (my bro) told him if he took good care of it it would last a few more years. He went too fast over RXR tracks and bent rim and had to buy new tire. Then a girl hit him in the parking lot of Nat. tire(he was parked) messed up ds rear end. Not even a week later, some one hit him from behind on intersate. Put car in to have fixed and drove rental. On his way to return rental and pick up car, something blew up from interstate and hit ds front of car. Had ins. but had to pay $500.00 ded. Well, last weekend he blew his engine. DH had it towed up here (son lives in B'ham) and left him his truck to dirive while engine is rebuilt. Last night Adam calls, he'd had a flat tire on dad's truck. Now as if that isn't enough, every time he traded vehicles, he had to transfer titles and pay taxes and tags. Of course he would put it off and has been stopped three times for 3 different tags that had not been transfered. Of course got stopped for speeding so multiply each ticket by 2. Once he was going 37 in 35 zone. Just not going to answer phone anymore! LOL I would suggest a bicycle, but wrecked bike on mission and broke frame in half. I'd suggest he moved within walking distance of work, but works in ghetto. I don't know why they have a pharmacuetical company in the worst part of town. I tease him that if it weren't for bad luck he'd have no luck at all as he had no control over any of the accidents he had. Suprised ins. co. hasn't dropped him yet.

Sue- about the hot flashes. The first month on tamox. I had one continious hot flash. Now, I only have one every now and then. Haven't had anymore night sweats.

Ginger- refresh my memory, did you have mammosite? I knew that I had talked to someone else on another forum about mammo. before I had it but couldn't remember who. Been too tired to search back, but if it was you, thanks for info.

Wendy- how are things going? Here's wishing you continued smooth sailing. Are you through, yet?

Kelly- just wanted to say hey and hope your bad week last week has turned around.

Sorry so long. See you all later.

Jackie

Hi all,

I'M THROUGH, I'M THROUGH!!!

They took out the catheter, and it barely hurt. Well, it did hurt but not as much as the needle loc before lumpectomy (from which there are still pawprints on the ceiling, I'm sure). I was on 2 Vicodin and 2 xanax, so even it it did hurt, I didn't care

I'm still having heart palpitations and a cough, and I'm still on an antibiotic til the wound heals, and still can't shower. But I'm done, DONE, and feeling better.

Mostly I'm tired, but not really fatigued (which the doc says might hit later this week). I'm praying I stay just fine, and am SO looking forward to a shower by mid-week, assuming it will take a few days for the wound to heal.

I'm still praying about the tamoxifen, but decided I'm better off waiting and dealing with one thing at a time.

THANK YOU for all the great support. I've so needed it, and I'm so grateful (ok, I know I say that all the time, but it's true!).

Sue, yeah, I'm worried about hot flashes. I have enough already, don't need more. How manageable are yours? How's the insomnia / night sweats?

Kelly, hope your spring weather is brightening your mood... is it acting like a nice spring yet? Or still storming unnecessarily?

Wow, Jackie, your son's accidents are having accidents! I'm so sorry! And thank God you had a glorious day yesterday, but oh how disheartening to have it go away... Yup, let's bottle whatever it is that helps!!

Alice, how is therapy going? Is it helping? Thanks for all your kind words..

and Kelly, Alice and Hanoria, I am so glad I had all your experience to lean on! I knew what to watch out for, and knew to take pain meds (and when)... thank you!

More later, but just wanted to check in and give you the good news...

Wendy

Jackie,

Yes, I had mammosite in Dec. 04 and remember commenting on one or two of your threads as you were making your decision.

All in all, your son seem fairly lucky not to have been hurt in any of his mishaps. I know you're thankful for that, but he does seem to have some automobile issues!

All you did in one day makes me dizzy! I'm glad you had such a good day and felt such accomplishment. Good for you.

Kelly,
I did the same thing this weekend. Cleaned out my closet, bagged up the fat clothes and the summer stuff that was too big! Congrats on quitting smoking! Cancer has helped me lose weight and get healthy. I also have noticed the joint pain is not so bad anymore since I walk every day. I try to do 4 miles each day but don't always make it that far. I'll deal with the hot flashes, just wish there was a pattern I could figure out. If licorice candy counts, than count me in!
Wendy,
Glad it went well for you! Yeah, you're done! Tamoxifen really isn't that bad, just give your body time to get used to it. The first month or two was really rough for me but now it really is ok.
Alice and Hanoria,
God bless you for being such strong and supportive moms. Hope everything is going well.
Jackie,
Your son sounds alot like my son, actually like both of my sons! I won't jinx it by figuring out how long it has been since there was an insurance claim!
Ginger,
I remember all the help you were to me when I was going through my mammosite. You were the best! Glad you're here with us.
Hope everyone has a great week! It's already May. It is a busy month for me. I will be doing The American Cancer Society Relay for Life on May 11th and my oldest son gets married May 19th.

Sue

Hi guys -

I just popped in to say a quick hello. I am currently living a soap opera, and I sure hope it ends soon.

My 14 y/o adopted son is still in the locked psych unit. So very sad, and legal beyond anything I could begin to explain. I have no clue when he will be released, but legally he needs to attend school the day after release. But, he can't come back to school without a psych evaluation, yet school has 60 days to do the eval (which means during the summer)-- no guarantees when it will be done, *but* police and state law say he *must* be in school. I'm really caught between a rock and a hard spot. We still have to go to court for the fire he set. The courts could send him to a juvenile detention center for the next 4 years. Very scary.

In the wake of the Va Tech shooting, another parent is afraid, and is going to court for a restraining order (meaning my son can't be in the same school as my son). If he changes schools now (5 wks before 8th grade grad) he will not be allowed to attend the terrific school that he was accepted at -- long story why, but that's the system.

And, my 12 y/o bio son had abdominal surgery to correct vein abnormalities. He's home and doing well.

Add that 2 weeks ago my bro-in-law collapsed with an undiagnosed brain tumor, my sister was overwhelmed and needed me to make all decisions. You know -- interview different neurosurgeons, decide on a hospital..... and they live in a neighboring state. (the surgery was last Friday, went well, and now the crunch of my participation in that is over)

My husband has kidney stones in both kidneys, and will neeed stone crushing as soon as they can schedule it. He's had stones on and off for 30 years, and we know the routine, but sometimes the pain is currently tough for him to handle.

But, to end on a positive note, the breast pain is almost totally gone, it's totally healed, and the swelling is gone. My radiation exhaustion has decreased, and I can get caught up a bit on the backlog of life's issues.

Sometimes you really have to look for the silver lining, ladies, but it is there. My bro-in-law did well in OR (pathology report still not back, but they expect it to be malignant), my bio son sailed through his surgery, my 14 y/o adopted son is receiving the help he needs...... but I have a good breast and more energy. (lol)

There are many things to be grateful for.

Will write more later. Congrats to everyone on their new news, and my empathies for the not-so-good news. I just wanted to pop in to say hi and that I'm still busy.

Hanoria

Hi everyone,

I'm starting to get used to going back to work full time, and it's taking all that I have. That's why I haven't written back to anyone for a while. I'm also very involved in setting up my Avon breast cancer walk page and sending out letters and emails for donations. It's all very time consuming. Along with that, I'm been trying to walk! I'm hoping it will all have a dual benefit, raise money and get me into shape and lose weight!
I watched the Ted Kopel special last night on "Living with Cancer" and I thought it was well done. It makes me thankful, that I'm not that bad off, not like some of the people portreyed. They talked of what a diagnosis of cancer does to you, how it makes you feel, how it changes your life. Lance Armstrong is amazing, when you hear how bad his prognosis was, and how well he's doing. It gives hope to those who don't seem to have much. He was given just about a death sentence and he's alive and doing well. I think all cancer patients who get bad news, hope for what has occured to him, that despite all odds, they'll be okay. It was a very moving show.
Hope is all is well with everyone.
Alice