My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Runor, if I had been diagnosed early stage and completed my 5 years of tamoxifen without cancer returning, I would definitely consider HRT, if needed. I was nowhere near menopause at the time and having chemo shut everything down overnight has been tough on myself and my poor DH. If you’re essentially “cured”, then estrogen wouldn’t really be feeding anything, right? Unfortunately, with ER+ stage IV, the potential is always there, waiting for an opportunity.

BOOBOO - sorry to hear that you had bad news. Sorry seems like such an inadequate word. I think the decision to not pursue more treatment when you come to that point is a blessing, in a way. A bitter blessing. It makes everyone sad and frightened and frantic. But illness can become the center of the universe that consumes everyone's energy and light. There comes a time when enough is enough. Only you know when that thing clicks over inside you when you say, well, I did what I could, I withstood untold misery, I held on to love those I wanted to love and now ... done. No one judges you. We all just wish that no one had to have this conversation with themself. Many hugs ( and affirming slugs to the shoulder) for you.

MICMEL - I had not heard about your sister, if I did I have forgotten. I am so sorry! And that must have scared the hell out of you knowing your daughter found a lump - hell is in those words! Hugs to you and I hope for better days.

TRISHYLA - yes, yes and again yes! If we have learned anything in the past two plus years it's that science gets shit wrong all the time! Published studies can be terrible and lead to wrong conclusions. I had always believed that HRT was bad, bad, bad, verboten, the one- way path to more cancer. But is it? Word is trickling out that no, maybe it's not. And even if it is, we have a cost benefit analysis to consider. Lack of estrogen (and other hormones) can make women feel like shit and put them at all sorts of very real health risks. We are all focused on not getting more cancer. But is it okay to get brittle bones, heart disease, alzheimer's and a crunchy hoohoo? Like my mom. She's 82. She smokes. People tell her she should quit smoking. She's 82! She may as well smoke as much as she wants and enjoy what life she has left and to hell with all the do-gooders who think the ONLY benchmark of a good life is a long life. A long miserable life? Is that our only option? We line up to take antidepressants to overcome low mood. Well maybe if we took a hormone that stopped hot flashes, helped us sleep, helped our skin look better, helped us shed a little belly fat, helped our vaginas not pucker and die, helped us think our husbands were cute and not someone we wanted to hammer over the head the minute they walk in the door - if we had THAT in a pill, maybe we wouldn't need anti-depressants. Maybe an anti-depressant is what an uniformed doctor following bad science offers a woman whose body is depleted of the very hormones it needs for life? I don't know. I really don't know. But I am wondering. Obviously there are people here for whom the answer is a clear NO. But I think many docs have acted like the NO was clear when in fact, it isn't. I have a host of symptoms that I deal with, they are increasingly miserable but I never really put them all together as 'menopause'. Now that I've been reading/hearing about the flawed study that some claim damaged women's health greatly, I am suddenly thinking huh, maybe I need to replace what is gone? (so I can look and feel like I did at 18, BA HA HA!)

hello ladies. I hope everyone is doing well this evening. I can't believe summer is over already it's amazing how fast time flys. I don't like winter so I hope we get a long fall. I love fall. All the smells and pies and apples, Candy corn and the beautiful leaves 🍁. My favorite time of year. Sweatshirt and sweat pants season. Oh yeah bring it on. I hope insomnia won't be on the table tonight when I go to bed. Yuck. Hope everyone is doing the best they can.I amAvailable for any pocket duty. Thanks Mara for the pocket duty for my sister. She gets her port tomorrow…. Soooo there's that. Sweet dreams ladies ….

Laurie - I’m so sorry that this damn disease has given you progression🤬🤬. I know your faith is strong and will carry you through the path you’ve chosen.

Emac - I hope you can get answers to your worrisome issues.

This discussion of HRT makes me wonder how things could have been different. Originally dx at 34 w/bc, I had my ovaries removed at 35 due to the strong ER+ and PR+ nature of my BC. Adding onto that was 5 years of Tamoxifen. So at 67 I feel like I’m 87. I wonder if any of that contributed to the rapid development of osteoarthritis? Especially since the anastrozole was added in 3 years ago and it’s been during this time that literally all my joints became bone on bone. And then the sex….I think all desire went out the window after my ovaries were gone. To me sex has been a chore. And it still pisses me off that my husband, a retired ob/gyn, doesn’t get my lack of desire🤬🤬🤬🤬. But it’s just something I put up with. And after 44 years of marriage, things become status quo.

Mel - prayers for your sister. It must be gut wrenching to see her face her cancer. How old are her children? Maybe as their aunt you can knock some sense into them …. or not.

So my daughter who will turn 36 tomorrow gave me a kick in the stomach. On Tuesday she invited me over to have a glass of wine to celebrate. She wouldn’t say what and in my mind I’m thinking of all these possibilities. So I head over and we sit down with our glasses and I start rattling off all my ideas - job promotion, hubby’s job, a new golden puppy, family being featured in a local magazine….and it was none of these things. Then I remembered she had a breast MRI earlier in August. (Because of my cancer history her GYN is very proactive in screening. She has my daughter alternate a mammogram and breast MRI every six months, due to the fact that breast tissue at that age is very dense). And so I asked if we were celebrating her MRI results, which we were except for the fact that the MRI came back with a suspicious area, requiring her to go through a 90 minute breast biopsy done under a type of fluoroscopy. She said it was pure torture. Thank God the biopsy was negative! But our daughter kept all this to herself figuring there was no sense have everyone worrying until we knew if there was something to worry about. So we had a long discussion about her choice to not share (she hadn’t even told her hubs!). While I accept her decision, I also told her the value of at least telling me, promising to keep it between the 2 of us. She said she can’t imagine going through this all the time (I gently reminded her about how many of us do scans every 3 months!) and is ready to cut everything off. She plans to pursue genetic testing hoping to give her some answers. Our older daughter did genetic testing and nothing came back as a problem. What a horrible burden we have given our children. I hate cancer!!!!!

Goldens~good to see you. Glad everything was negative for your daughter!!!! Boy do I understand. My sisters children are a story longer than any of us have. Basically, it's three non functioning adults who suck the life out of everything they touch. They have no respect for anything. They are not reliable. Some estrangement is forming. Especially since their behavior since diagnosis. It's frustrating to be helpless. They would probably forget to pick her up from her surgery today. She's getting her port put in. I know she’s scared. She told me. Breaks my heart. Wish she lived closer.

Emac~having symptoms we don’t know what are would bother anyone. Sounds like Mae knows what she’s talking about. Through experience. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Sondra~sometimes thanksgiving is my Favorite holiday. A nice meal, people around you love. I am also looking forward to all of that. I am sending you a hug.

my sister had a complication during her port surgery and ended up being admitted for a blood transfusion overnight. She starts chemo tomorrow. If they put her port in today and are starting chemo immediately tomorrow with no healing time. It must be in an advanced stage. I’m so worried. I feel helpless. I don’t know which is worse. Going through it or watching someone you love deal with. Cancer just plain blows. Please send good thoughts. If you can spare any.

Mel- sitting with you, sending healing thoughts to you sister. Cancer just sucks, no matter which perspective you're stuck with.

Booboo - sorry for your progression. We're all just hoping against hope that things will be better than expected. No one should question your decision. I just wish the radiation was easier/closer/more practical to relieve some of the pain and give you better QOL with your family.

Emac - in your pocket for upcoming tests. I hope they can identify and resolve whatever is causing your problems.

Please add my friend, Carol, to your prayers. She had a stroke caused by clots from her radiation treatments for lung cancer. Miraculously, she's doing better, but still has a rough road ahead. One of the sweetest ladies you'd ever know.

Candy - howcis your dad doing? Have you been able to settle into a routine, like you wanted?

Waving to Mara, Mae, LivingIVLife, Goldens and everyone else in the living room.

Thinking of you all.

My Dad died Thursday night.

Candy, I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. I hope you can find comfort in memories you shared. I know this is a difficult time for you, and I wish comfort and peace for you and your family. I am sending up prayers for you. (((Hugs)))

Lynn

Candy - I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so difficult, no matter the circumstance. Praying for peace and strength for you as you deal with everything that must be done. Sending a hug your way.

Mel, I’m sending prayers for your sister and sending you warm hugs.

Candy, I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I’m sending you hugs as well.

Candy, I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. No matter when you lose a parent, it's too soon.

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been only sporadically checking BCO. There seems to have been so many losses lately which are weighing heavily on me. It took me forever to catch up and now I’m saddened to hear that so many of you are going through tough times. Candy, my condolences on your father. I lost my dad on 1986 when he was just 63 (it’s silly but I have hoped I would make it past that age but it’s looking increasingly unlikely).

Mel, I’m so sorry about your sister. It has to be doubly difficult for you as you know intimately the tough road ahead for her. Sending a virtual hug.

Emac, I’m sorry also to hear about your symptoms. I hope they can get to the bottom of it soon and that it is completely unrelated to cancer.

Laurie, I’m saddened to hear that you have progression but understand completely why you might choose to limit treatment. This crappy disease is exhausting. I’ve had days lately when I have just felt plain tired. Tired of appointments, tired of side effects, tired of the ongoing issues from the cancer….

I’m a bit at sea at the moment. I spoke to my MO last week and at that time he was suggesting that if my tumour markers plateaued we would likely stop Xeloda as it likely wasn’t helping and, given the negative impact on my marrow, would just drag me down. I was okay thinking it was akin to being stable. Unfortunately my CT scan on Wednesday showed progression in the liver so Xeloda is failing. (Not really surprised as I have been having trouble with my right arm/hand - numbness from spinal mets - and over the last week or so have had increased discomfort in my right flank.) Getting worried as my cancer doesn’t seem to respond well to chemo and I am now endocrine resistant. Options are pretty limited at this point. Eek! I expect to speak to my MO early next week to discuss what’s next. Fingers crossed that he has a few more tricks up his sleeve.

Sorry if I missed anyone. Take care all.