Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Hi all! Loving this, I am calling it the "oldies but goodies" topic! I LOVED reading this page so much. Refreshing to see posts from people close to my age, I will be 69 this week, ouch!

illinoislady, Maverick, was my black lab. I miss him so very much. Thought about getting another but not sure if we will. We actually got a small rescue dog a few years after we got our lab, because he was so nervous all the time. We used to say Maverick was our dog and Lucy was Maverick's dog! She passed a year after Maverick, so we have been without a furry child for a number of years now,

Cindyny and betrayal, loved your posts about Brandi Carlile! I am a fan too! betrayal, I LOVED going to the Tower Theatre! An amazing venue for music. I last saw Damien Rice there, about 15 years ago. Haven't been to a concert in years, for many reasons, mostly don't like to drive at night.

Chisandy, I hear you about allergies! My seasonal meds have become daily meds and they don't seem to work nearly as well anymore. Ugh! Unless I get a fever or my allergy symptoms seem worse than normal, I won't bother Covid testing. I would be doing that every day!!! No thank you!

Most of all I am glad to find this "sanctuary" here. I was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time! First time, 2003, IDC, lumpectomies, chemo, & rads. Second time, ILC, same side, mastectomy and DIEP. I was refused a double mastectomy due to hospital policy of not removing a healthy breast in a BRCA neg. patient.

I was just beginning to believe my former breast surgeon, transferred all my records to local hospital, saw my new breast surgeon, and fully expected to be an easy patient for him, only needing yearly exams and mammograms! Thankfully I really like this surgeon, we are on the same page and I am in great hands! So thankful I met him and made my decision to "keep him" prior to getting my BIRADS 4 mammo. Won't bore you all with details, except to say it is a new cancer, not metastasis, you all know it all too well, but the reason I came to this topic is because of my age, more importantly because my DH is older than me, he is 81. That makes things different. I worry more about him than me.

We are at a crossroad currently, as to whether or not it is time for him to stop driving. This is huge for his independence, yet it scares me that he continues to drive. Mentally, he is fine, holds normal conversation and only has normal aging issues, as do we all, forgetting names from time to time. Physically though, he has a real hard time walking. He knows he must keep walking if he hopes to have a better quality of life later, but it worries me. If he is doing "the shuffle" step across the floor, what is to say he won't be able to hit the brake securely or even keep an even foot on the gas? Thankfully we talk about this, I never held back talking to my husband and don't plan to change now.

My sister, who not much older than me, volunteered to drive both of us on the day of my surgery, which is currently scheduled for October 12th. I plan to take her up on that!

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my PCP. My husband uses the same group, but different doctor. I thought about leaving a note for his doctor of my concerns and hope he talks about them at his next appointment (Sept). Nothing my husband and I haven't discussed, but every time I ask if he told his doctor, he says he forgot!

My husband is retired, I am not, and don't want to be. I am just not ready for that, I like working.

Anyway, just wanted to say, this is a refreshing page/topic! Thank you to everyone here!!!! We may be older, but we are wiser too!!!

Welcome, welcome mavericksmom,

Glad you decided to join us here. We have remained ( not sure why ) a fairly smallish group so it is generally easy to keep up which is sure good for me. Lots on my plate, but I'm not compalining -- just aware that it is hard for me at times to respond well to others. My feelings for and about it all and each of you are very strong though and I'm always but always hoping for the highest and best outcomes for all.

Today Bill is not good. He spit out food last night and has steadfastly refused it today. He was out on the deck yesterday most of the day and couldn't walk when it was time to come in. We got a big carpet -- somehow manouvered him on it and pulled him inside. Dh and I just can't lift that much weight well anymore and didn't want to accidentally hurt Bill. I guess we will call Dr. Britt ( our Vet ) tomorrow and speak with her and decide what to do. I'm trying not to think about it too much, but I do not want my sweet big boy to suffer.

As mentioned -- we still have Mini ( our Min-pincher mix ) and while she is not young either she still has a lot of get up and go. Good chance we will be looking for another companion for her. Daugher's dog ( they took Georgie on vacation with them ) is very old for a Papillon'. He is nearly 17 -- doesn't see or hear well and can't be left outside or he will wander off. He was a beauty of a dog. His hair ( about his ears ) nearly touched the ground and he just sort of sparkled. Now he is just a sweet, old doggie soul who keeps hanging on because his bond is so strong with my daugher.

She was his groomer. He was sold and she thought she would never see him again, but the breeder ( very good one ) brought him back for grooming. Asked Kate how many dogs she had ( none ) and ask Kate if she wanted Georgie. For free -- seems when he was sold all he did at the new person's house was cry. Groomer said that he was not happy with anyone and only wanted his groomer. Somehow, the first time he was brought for grooming he took to Kate and would have no one else. The breeder also told Kate that any time Georgie had to go to the vet or needed anything ( tood, toys, anything ) Kate was to charge it to the breeder. Well that was definitely a match made in heaven.

Okay, I've avoided having to talk or think about Bill too much.

Made a trip to Goodwill. Figured everyone would be at the Balloon Fest as it is the last day. Turns out I was pretty much right. Few people around to get in the way of some intense 'looking' here and there. I found a couple of bargains that I was fairly happy about. Heavy sauce pan with lid and a big thirsty towel. I usually grab most of those up since they can at times be hard to come by -- even at Goodwill and as well they are pretty pricey in the stores nowdays.

Hope you are all having a great Sunday.

Welcome to the forum, Mavericksmom. As you can see, we are all over the place but will be with you on your journey.

The driving issue is tough. Both my parents drove themselves to the license place and got them to renew their licenses - Dad at age 80 and my Mom at 90. Since I always drove when we were together, I hadn't realized how bad Mom was. After several complaints from others in her Independent living facility, they made her take a test. Fortunately, that finally was the end. DH (79 soon) only drives in our neighborhood during the day. If we are going far or at night, I insist on driving. It will be hard to get him to give it up completely. He is convinced that his beloved companion, Mutz, needs to go to a variety of places to have his walks, several of which aren't in walking distance. It gets hot enough here in Phoenix that sidewalks in our immediate neighborhood really aren't safe during the summer either.

Usual quiet weekend for us. Today has been a sports marathon - tennis, golf, baseball and the Cardinals start at 5:00. Tomorrow I have grant proposals to write for the food bank. DD will be 52 tomorrow. We usually go to Maine to celebrate with her but with DH's health issues, we have been afraid to fly. I'm hoping she will come here for Ken's birthday next month instead.

SAndy- sounds like a fun concert - Gordy would have still be in high school or junior high in 1998. What a treat for him.

I signed up for one of those password vaults and can't figure out how to use it. Fortunately it is free. Will see if DH can help after work today.

Have a great Monay.

betrayal, I am seeing my PCP today, typed up letter to give to my husband's PCP as they are in the same practice. I just wanted him to be aware of my DH's condition and ask about driving.

I do drive and haven't driven with him since my bout with breast cancer in 2019. He did quite well then, but that was over 3 years ago. He seems ok now, gets wherever he is going, but again, very local. I have no idea how safely he drives and assuming he is competent just because he gets to and from a destination isn't realistic. I should probably have him drive me around the block to see. I am feeling under so much pressure, my job at the middle school begins soon, I am worried about my husband, bills, etc. and now breast cancer! How dare breast cancer rears it's ugly head a third time! I am a planner, list maker, breast cancer wasn't on my list!!! LOL We do what we have to do, that is life!

Music is what gets me through all the things life throws at me. I am not sure what I would do without music! I didn't get to Woodstock, to be honest, I was in high school and such a "goodie-good" the thought of going there wasn't even a desire. I also hate mud! LOL Seriously, I knew some people who went, but my parents were very old fashioned, conservative, and there is no way they would allow me to go there. I never wished I went, but I really enjoyed hearing some of the music from the day. So many great performances!

I did get to see the Beatles when they came to JKF stadium in Phila. (demolished years ago as was the stadium after it) I still have my ticket stub, $5! It was my first concert. Like most of you, I have seen hundreds of concerts over the years. Some of my favorite shows were in quiet little venues, bars, small bands. I like most all music, not a fan of heavy metal or rap. I have no clue about the artists my school kids listen to. They range between grades 6-8. So glad so many here love music!

As I sat at the hair salon, I looked at People Magazine and laughed at most of the celebrity photo's. I never heard of them! When did I get so out of touch? LOL

mcbaker, I seriously need to get another dog when I recoup from this breast cancer! Love your post and the thought of having an exercise pup and companion makes me smile! They do keep us going. But then again, the skunk encounter I had in my own backyard last year while watching my stepson's dog, still makes me cringe!

Hope everyone has a great day!

To bring forth and preserve, to produce without possessing, to act without
hope of reward, and to expand without waste, this is the supreme virtue.

Lao-tzu

We're seeing a double bill of Emmylou Harris and Mary Chapin Carpenter at Ravinia a week from Friday. Bob has the entire 4-day weekend off (so far) and we will leave the house in time to catch an earlier train, since the concert starts at 7, not 8pm. As far as we know there won't be an opening act for them (there wasn't the last time we saw MCC and Arlo Guthrie 10 years ago) so we'd better get there in time for a 6 pm buffet dinner. We have pavilion tickets, so we can bring drinks but not food to our seats. But just in case, we're bringing takeout utensil "setups" and our official Ravinia cups (required for any beverages being carried into the pavilion) just in case we have to resort to the Market Place cafeteria.

Never saw the Beatles (Bob did at Shea Stadium in 1966) but did see McCartney in 1990. Gordy was 5, and fell asleep in my lap during "Golden Slumbers," which was one of the lullabies I used to sing to him. He abruptly awoke during the encore "Live & Let Die" when the fireworks started.

At "A Day in the Garden," Gordy was 13 going on 14 but already growing a small beard. When Townsend was talking between songs, he asked if anyone in the audience was from Chicago, and we raised our hands. He replied, "Are you going to my benefit for Maryville School at Park West tomorrow night?" We shook our heads, and he responded "Why the (expletive) not?" Gordy responded "Because I'm underage and they wouldn't let me in." Pete asked how old and was flabbergasted to hear the answer. "You two tell the bouncer that I said to let you in, because Maryville needs the money." When we got home I called the club to order the tickets and promised I would not let Gordy have anything stronger than a Coke. They said, "sorry, but it's 18+, no exceptions." I asked to speak to a manager, who confirmed that my escorting Gordy would make no difference. So Maryhill lost $1400--though we did make a small donation. (I decided not to take a chance to buy tickets without saying anything, but Park West is notorious for carding everyone, even the middle-aged).

Jackie: Sorry to hear that Bill has crossed the rainbow bridge. It is hard to lose a loved pet.

We had to make the decision to put our Dalmatian, Lita, down today since she has had a severe cognitive, vision loss, and coordination decline over the last 3 days. I suspected she had lymphoma and the vet confirmed the enlarged lymph nodes were not only on her neck and abdomen but also her back knees. He had seen her a week ago when she went for a pedicure last Tuesday and was surprised by what he saw today. Given that she would have been 14 in November, it was still a tough decision to make but one that she deserved. She had carrots, and a dog ice cream cup before we took her and while there they had a jar of Hershey's Goodbye chocolate kisses. She had never had chocolate until today and she wolfed 2 of them down. It was a peaceful and pain-free passing attended by my DD and DSIL. My DS brought his dog, Boomer down and they had one last loving visit. I will miss her immensely since she was my velcro dog. We leave for vacation tomorrow so that makes this even harder.

betrayal and Jackie, I am so sorry! Here is a poem I found comfort in when my Lucy and Maverick passed.

It came to me that every time I lose a dog

they take a piece of my heart with them.

And every new dog who comes into my life,

gifts me with a piece of their heart.

If I live long enough, all the components

of my heart will be dog and I will become

as generous and loving as they are!

(Anonymous)

Thanks to all for your kind words of sympathy, and mavericks mom for the beautiful sentiments of the poem. As rescuers we always think we are prepared and can "hadle" it because we have done it so many times over. We so far have turned out to be wrong about that. Each time we go through a lot of tears and distress while feeling fortunate to have these beautiful friends with us sharing life in the woods.

We keep saying if we rescue again, like we think there is a possibility we won't, we will in fact, look for an older and smaller breed person. Bill was a big guy and we had to call help to get him out to the car this morning. He is being cremated so he will be back soon. Mini is older though still quite energetic, so someone she can romp a bit with would be nice. Someone small enough for us to handle too. In time. We are not in a hurry, but don't want to leave Mini alone too long. She needs to be the alpha now. Betrayal, hugs to you as well. It is a difficult time to go through, but I can't imagine not having the years we had with Bill and all the others as well.

Betrayal, hugs to you too for the loss of your dear Lita. 14 is much older than average for that breed, but the grief is the same regardless of age.

Some good news: rapid-antigen test #2, taken 30 hrs after yesterday's, is also negative. I suspect my hay fever symptoms ARE hay fever: not only are mold spore and weed pollen counts high today; but when I walked into Petsmart wearing my mask (after being outdoors first on my deck and then farmers' market) my symptoms disappeared--then when I walked back to my car and stashed my mask, they came back. So I'm hydrating like crazy, cranking the AC (yeah, I'm an eco-criminal) and vowing to be more compliant with snorting Nasalcrom at bedtime and Nasacort twice a day. Eyedrops (Systane & Pataday) too. I may wear a simple cheap surgical mask for each outdoor walk and discard it afterward.

Welcome Maverick. Jackie and Betrayal, I'm sorry about your fur babies. We've had to say good-bye way too many times. Next month will be 3 years since we said good-bye to Mischa and we haven't decided to get dog or not. The rescue dogs seem to be quite traumatized and a lot of work but then again so is a puppy. Maybe a rescue puppy. It will be up to DH to decide since he is home during the day.

Jackie & Betrayal - my heart goes out to you both. My Dalmatian passed at 11 years, and I still haven’t gotten another.

Allergies have been crazy and I was worrying about covid. That was until I checked what’s in the air - ragweed. Ragweed is my worst and I still take Claritin D daily, 365 days a year. I’ve tried Zyrtec but without a 24 hour version I kept forgetting to take the second 12 hour pill. No help

I want to add my condolences for the loss of your pups. I cried so much when my tuxedo rescue kitty died that I just about couldn't breathe. Animals add a level of joy to life that is hard to describe.

The only kitty I lost too young was named Mischa (with all sorts of nicknames). He was coal-black. We had just lost Pickles to kidney failure at 18 a couple months earlier and we weren't going to get another cat because of Gordy's & my allergies. But we went to a friend's pre-Thanksgiving brunch--he led us into the sunroom and there on a big rocking chair was a tiny ball of black fur the size of.a fist--barely 4 weeks old. He'd found him in his basement, the sole survivor of.a litter rejected by its mom (herself still a kitten), and hand-fed it kitten formula from a doll bottle. Bob looked at it and said "I don't want 'a' cat, I want that cat!" Our friend tried to keep it, but his (then) girlfriend was so allergic her eyes swelled shut--so we adopted him (by then definitely a "he") at 7 weeks old. When we took him for his first vet visit and neutering, we got the bad news that he ELISA-tested FIV (feline AIDS virus) positive, probably from its mom. We were told to love him for as long as we could but not to expect him to live more than 3 or 4 years, and to get him Western-Blot tested at 6 months. At 6 months we got the good news that he had seroconverted to negative. He seemed energetic & robust (quite robust), but easily overstimulated to the point where he would nip if petted too much. The vet suggested he needed a buddy, so we adopted Matthew, a gorgeous 2-yr-old gray/white patch tabby...who proceeded to torment poor Mischa and pee on walls to boot. At just a week shy of his 8th birthday, he leapt up to the sofa but his heart stopped before he landed. He had cardiomyopathy. (His tormentor stood by the sofa and keened for an hour, then prowled the house for days looking for him). All 3 of my other dear departed cats died of ailments of old age--one at 16, Pickles at 18 and Matthew at nearly 20.

Speaking of allergy symptoms, the absolute worst I can recall during my adulthood was the summer we moved here from Seattle. I had several years of allergy shots (ragweed & trees) in Brooklyn, but there was no ragweed in Seattle and I wasn't allergic to any trees, molds or weeds growing there. Got a very rude awakening in summer 1978--Chicago has ragweed, grasses & mold allergens galore. I was certain I had s 3-week cold, or 3 different colds in a row, so raw was my throat and so stuffy & runny my nose I had to mouth-breathe, with chain-sneezing to boot. Nope--allergy tests delivered the bad news. (I had yet to adopt a cst, so I wasn't tested for dander). Back then there were no non-drowsy antihistamines, and i didn't yet have high blood pressure so I could still take decongestants. My FP put me on a rotating schedule of four prescription antihistamines to prevent my developing resistance to any of them. And I had 6 years of weekly shots. As bad as this season is, my symptoms are nothing compared to back then: now there are OTC non-drowsy sntihistamines, OTC mast cell inhibitor (Nasalcrom) & topical steroid (Nasacort, Rhinocort, Flonase) sprays, better saline sprays (Ayr) and even nasal-flush bottles to make up for not being able to take Sudafed or Afrin. Alas, albuterol inhalers are still Rx-only and expensive--but "easing the sneeze" prevents the "wheeze."