Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)
Comments
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Lauri - I did the same thing with my closet. Then started tx in 2019, lost 10 lbs. Then switched tx in 2021 and lost another 10. After >year of fluvestrant (boobs went from C to A cup) & weight loss even my underwear & bras were too big to keep on. I was able to put elastic in the waist of some pants and some leggings now fit like slim jeans (just in time to keep up with fashion!). Purchased a limited number of new things I like and feel good in. Local thrift store benefited. No more looking at clothes I wore years ago and don't like & won't wear. It's the only closet in my house that is so cleaned out. I keep wondering why I didn't do all that sorting during lockdown instead of binge watching Grace & Frankie and Schitt's Creek.
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I lost 10 lbs during the beginning of COVID because I was terrified of catching it, so stopped drinking and upped the exercise. Then the cancer hit and I lost 10 because of stress (I’m a happy eater, not a stress eater) then another 10 pounds after brain radiation when I didn’t want to eat anything, so now I’m where I always wanted to be weight-wise, sucks that this is the way it happened though.
I saved a few things in case I put the weight back on. So now I just have just afew things to wear and I threw out ALL my high heels. I just said pfffttttt who needs these now and donated them. THAT felt SO amazing.
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This came up in my newsfeed. It will be great for monitoring recurrence or progression less imaging so much quicker and cheaper.
An interesting point.
The test can detect cancer at a cellular level so long before it can be seen on imaging. The tumor has to be a few mm to be seen on imaging.
With the test, an individual could know they have cancer up to 10 years before it showed up on imagining and can be treated, so years of knowing you will get cancer someday but not able to do anything about it.
Would you want to know years beforehand that you will get cancer?
I am not sure I would.
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Just making sure you know that in addition to our Monday meetups, we now have a 2nd Virtual Meetup TODAY (and now every Wednesday) at 4pm, ET for people with MBC
To register, go HERE.
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Hope to see you there.
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I made a cake! Chocolate Bourbon cake with Browned (maybe) Buttercream Frosting. I say maybe b/c I've never browned butter before and it was taking so long and reducing quite a bit. So it never really got brown even though it was on the stove for at least 15 minutes. OH well! I never had the patience for piping either, but I don't care. This on top of a work deadline and cooked up Chicken Parm, DH's favorite, for our anniversary.
My family cookbook is not going so well, or at all. We'll see how that goes - not gonna stress about it. Now time for cake!
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Kiko, your cake looks and sounds quite delicious! I love that kind of frosting, a great combo with chocolate cake! Happy Anniversary to you and your husband!
As a Christmas present this year, I asked for a bedroom closet upgrade. Dh had initially built it soon after we married when we were short on cash and just developing remodeling skills. The inside was only partly painted, the clothes rod was sagging and the cheap sliding doors were forever jamming up and not opening/closing properly. But it functioned and we moved on to tackle countless other projects over the years as our house was a massive fixer-upper. We've done almost every home project there is, to having a garage built, installing a second bathroom, getting a complete kitchen remodel and so many more.
Now the house is very comfortable and not needing any major renovations. (Phew!) I've been more tuned in to what it is I really want, as opposed to always worrying about what others want. And I wanted a nicer closet! So dh and I gave the whole thing numerous coats of fresh paint, hung a shiny new clothes rod and a couple of chrome hooks (which I love for robes) and then the pièce de résistance: bifold doors to replace the sliding ones. We were quite surprised at how much better the new doors looked, and being able to open them from the middle to access my entire closet at one time makes it vastly more functional. I am really, really happy with how it turned out.
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I am loving all the projects, my husband retired last week and I joke that I have a notebook with all the jobs that need to be done around the house and he can spend his time working through it.
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Sunnidays, early on in my marriage dh somehow got it in his mind that he hated written out to-do lists. Making lists for me is so helpful, and I've learned not to stress over things on my list which don't get done. I look at what's important and do that; if the other stuff gets done, it's a bonus. But getting back to dh, several years ago there were numerous home projects that needed addressed. I got out a notebook and wrote “Action Plan" on the front. I wrote it again inside on one page then listed five or six broad general items we hoped to get done for the year. They weren't all home improvements, I also added things like “buy new tires for the SUV" and “Book vacation to the beach!"
Somehow the term “action plan" sat better with dh, and I continued that for several years in the same notebook, just using one page for each year and not even filling the whole page up. It went a long way to keeping us on track but not in a rigid way. There are always matters that come up to derail plans or take us in a different direction for a time, but eventually the “action plan" would steer us back on course to get things accomplished.
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thanks divine! It tasted pretty good. That’s a great idea to give DH an “action plan” maybe that would get some stuff fixed around here. We never start on renovation projects because I know one thing leads to another in this old house, I don’t want to uncover anything I’ll have to deal with! We do have some very minor things that need fixing and haven’t even been done. Back when I took steroids before the taxol, I came home and watched YouTube to figure out how to unclog and fix a sink stopper. We will tackle a slipping window pane soon as a team which means a ton of over-thinking and arguments. This house seems to have been a string of DIYs
so we may as well leave our mark as well 🤣Your closet looks great and I bet works much better for you now! Our closets are small and dark ship lap (not really “shiplap” but that’s the term that’s been made popular on home improvement shows recently.) you don’t want to be in there very long, just get what you need and get out 🤣. House built in 1930.
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I went to the hairdressers and she was late opening up, a woman who must have been in her 80s waiting as well and she was giving out, I was thinking may I live to be an old lady giving out about the hairdressers not opening on time, turns out the hairdresser could not get parking.
An elderly man came in a while later and gave the hairdresser a Christmas present and he said to her you were always so good to my wife, turns out he had recently had to put his wife into a residential home as she had dementia, the hairdresser told me it got very difficult to do the woman hair in the past while but her husband knew it was important to his wife that she get her hair done so he keeps taking he no matter how difficult it was.
It really cheered me up to think of a husband who cared so much about his wife.
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Hi! Sorry to drop in out of nowhere and change the subject but....I was just wondering....has anybody who was single when they were diagnosed continued to date or even met a new partner while Stage IV? I know a lot of people would think it's crazy to even attempt it but if treatments are working and you're stable and otherwise healthy? Maybe? Why not? Especially since some people are reaching ten or even more years at Stage IV.
(and obviously disclosing at a reasonable point, not trying to keep it a secret!)
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No worries about changing to another “normal life” subject! I have been single for 15 years, well before bc. I think if you are interested in dating you absolutely should! I can’t advise you beyond that since relationships seem like too much work for me. I recently retired and my focus is on my family, especially my fabulous grandchildren. However, if the right person came along, I would not object but I would still need my space.
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I just think it would be nice to have somebody to do stuff with! Family and friends can only do so much. All the people I used to travel with for example are married now and/or have kids, or can't travel for health reasons. And it would be nice to have somebody to do mundane things with like cook/eat dinner, read in bed, walk the dog, etc. I'm not interested in marriage or anything. Just a pleasant, non-annoying companion! Or maybe I just need a more snuggly dog? My current dog is more like an aloof cat in a dog body.
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Yes, a dog! I lost my last dog two years ago. I retired in June and recently adopted a 1 year old who is 7 1/2 pounds of snuggly fun and quite funny. Her name is Pumpkin and she’s a rescue from Texas all the way to me in CA. It’s easy to be invested in a relationship with her 😂.
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Daring is a great idea its lovely to have a bit of company to do things with.
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After diagnosis I have separated from my ex-partner and a year later I have met my present boyfriend. So all is possible
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Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to hear it! Although Iv lived the last 13 NED years of my life this way (living!), I knew it would return. I too, lived my life, pushed myself when I wanted to lie under the covers, fought for enough pain meds to do things, and raised both my children to maturity.
My IBC returned first in my lung, and after almost a(nother) year of combination chemo and hormone suppressant, my scan showed NED there! Unfortunately, it also showed 3 new medium sized tumors in my liver. I was so confused I called the radiology department and asked if they accidentally reported on someone else’s case under my name. It turns out it is true. Lungs are mostly cleared and now liver is acting out. It’s going to be whack-a-mole, huh?
I’m very internally visual with my treatments, always have been. I practice forceful imagery and that seems to have been helpful for me. But this pop-up cancer is troubling. I’m tiring out, and have many other physical issues I deal with on a daily basis. My body no longer does what my mind needs/wants it to do. Im also not yet 60 so 1/3 of my life I’v been filling my body with horrid chemicals to fight off cancer. I hesitate to think of how many I can physically fight off and still have some sort of productivity.
I desperatelyneeded to remind myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just like the Santa Clause cartoon I watch every year. You just helped remind me of that, and not to throw in the towel just yet. Thank you.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday, and you are blessed, to have survived this with such spirit.
Many thanks!
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Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed to hear it! Although Iv lived the last 13 NED years of my life this way (living!), I knew it would return. I too, lived my life, pushed myself when I wanted to lie under the covers, fought for enough pain meds to do things, and raised both my children to maturity.
My IBC returned first in my lung, and after almost a(nother) year of combination chemo and hormone suppressant, my scan showed NED there! Unfortunately, it also showed 3 new medium sized tumors in my liver. I was so confused I called the radiology department and asked if they accidentally reported on someone else's case under my name. It turns out it is true. Lungs are mostly cleared and now liver is acting out. It's going to be whack-a-mole, huh?
I'm very internally visual with my treatments, always have been. I practice forceful imagery and that seems to have been helpful for me. But this pop-up cancer is troubling. I'm tiring out, and have many other physical issues I deal with on a daily basis. My body no longer does what my mind needs/wants it to do. Im also not yet 60 so 1/3 of my life I'v been filling my body with horrid chemicals to fight off cancer. I hesitate to think of how many I can physically fight off and still have some sort of productivity.
I desperatelyneeded to remind myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just like the Santa Clause cartoon I watch every year. You just helped remind me of that, and not to throw in the towel just yet. Thank you.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday, and you are blessed, to have survived this with such spirit.
Many thanks!
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I’m married so I have no expertise on the dating matter but if you don’t mind my input, I’d just say if you want to open yourself up to the possibilities, why not? Perhaps look at it as an adventure.
I always end the year a bit reflective. It’s been almost two years that I’ve been working on boundaries with siblings and it helped me have such a better Christmas holiday this year. Since I’d limited how often I saw my extended family in 2021, getting together a few hours Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was more celebratory and therefore more fun. I learned not to cave in to doing everything they want me to do all the time, but instead, choose how, when and where I want to interact with them. One of my mantras this year was "Less is more" which proved to be true in this case. My realization is this: I was wrong expecting them to change. I was the one who had to take action to change my behavior which was incredibly hard for a long time and gets easier the more I do it.
I’m also improving boundaries with my husband. I’m almost a bit shocked to realize how often I’ve deferred to him in so many matters. It’s been challenging to give more space to my own voice in our marriage without feeling selfish or unworthy. It’s a lot of social conditioning to undo.
Early in to the new year, I have plans to buy a smart TV and update a spare room with paint and carpet. I like the Christmas season but it’s always nice to get back into the regular routine of life after all the hoopla.
Sending everyone best wishes for the new year!
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Happy New Year everyone 🍾🎉 let's hope for a better 2022.
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Happy New Year everyone! Despite Covid, I had a wonderful 2021-full of fun with pickleball, outdoor activities and lots of wonderful trips. Hunkering down at home tonight with Omicron spreading but am enjoying taking care of projects., clearing off tables and looking forward to some Netflix later on. May life continue to go on in 2022-I am grateful for this thread and enjoy hearing about our "normal" activities. I'm very impressed that Anotherone found a new boyfriend despite being Stage 4. I will have to keep an open mind about this and see what life has in store for me!
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I also wish everyone a happy new year, we will be celebrating with hugs (me and my sweetie) and sparklers in the yard. One sparkler only, because it is cold here! Here's one of the photos from our "new" backyard (finally turned the severe slope in the back-backyard into tiers) that makes me smile. More smiles in 2022, please!
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Love your backyard SFcakes. I’m in San Jose and it is very cold. Not east coast winter cold but definitely Bay Area cold 🥶.
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Interesting weather descriptions! Where I'm at, we've been having unusually mild weather! It's 50 degrees right now at 8:30 pm, just went out and took photos of the Christmas lights on the house and only needed a light sweater. Dh and I watching Nashville New Years celebration on tv. Got my champagne chillin' in the fridge!
SFCakes, beautiful photo of your backyard and view!
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Thank you, exbrnxgrl and Divine, and yes, lol, here in Northern CA, when we saw the forecast nighttime temperature of 44 degrees, we gasped in horror! And will be wearing sweaters and coats and scarves and hats and gloves, to go out in the yard. For five minutes. 😂
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Camille, it’s 50 here in San Jose too, expected to go down to 34 degrees tonight. Yes, when I was growing up in the Bronx, 50 in the winter would be considered mild. Here, it’s the polar express 😂 !
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happy New Year! Just staying home tonight. Cooked up Chicken cacciatore, Tuscan pate, have a veggie plate, some pecorino and prosciutto for snacks. Hoping for another full year of enjoying all the little things.
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All your upbeat projects &stories remind me to get out of my head! I tend to get maudlin, but put on a good face when I can get out &see friends. I've got 6 weeks of xeloda cycle on/off before scans w/no side effects so far. I need to make the most of it! 🍾 To a better 2022!
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50 sends us for the heavy winter clothes too. Have my handyman coming today for some badly needed work, then out to lunch with gfs. Oh wait. I'm always out to lunch. LOL
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Does Pump have a jacket?
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In the Oklahoma Panhandle it is currently 11 degrees Fahrenheit. We got a dusting of snow last night and it is windy. We have not had any precipitation in something like over 80 days so we welcome any precipitation and were hoping for more. We may get a little bit more this afternoon. The cattle and horses have been tended to for the morning. I have my corned beef stew in the crock pot for my mandatory New Year's meal of corned beef, cabbage and black eyed peas with a few other ingredients added in that we will dine on for supper.
Here's hoping for a happy and healthy 2022 for all of us and our families!
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