Volunteer work

I stopped my career at diagnosis. But I was only 48 years old so I thought about volunteering. I did some things with my church and volunteered at a local food pantry.

But.... then came Covid. Everything stopped. Since then, the food pantry is back open, but I do not feel comfortable in that setting. In any setting with the public, to be truthful. I am triple vaccinated (had booster already- immunocompromised). But I hear of those that get breakthru infections even with the vaccine. Also, I just started my 2nd line therapy and learning this new drug. My white counts are still low and the fatigue is horrid.

I want to feel I am a productive member of society (I turn 51 next month) and want to do some volunteer work, but just do not feel that well. It seems with so many volunteer things it is like a job-- you have an assigned time slot/shift. So few volunteers and the organization or group needs you to be there when you say you will. Such a commitment when you are feeling poorly. I wish I could find something to volunteer to do where I can set my own hours. I think flexibility is the key. I just have not found that yet. The food pantry has set days/times of food distribution and the volunteers need to be there at those times to serve the public. Also, lots of lifting and moving of boxes of food.

I hope you get some good responses to your post and find something you can do. Maybe the suggestions will help me too.

Thank you both for your replies. @divine ~ that’s exactly where I was going with this. I was dx mbc about 4.5 years ago when I was in my early 40s. At the time, I was working full time but doing little volunteer work. I started volunteering and exactly what you said, happened. I’m putting in more hours there than I am at my full time job. I used to enjoy it but these days I’m feeling unappreciated and almost bitter. If I, as an MBCer, can donate my time, wth can’t others? They do not know if my dx, it’s a “oh, she’s there, she will handle it.” It’s not ok with me. I would love to retire and live the bucket list for however long I have, but that’s simply not in the cards.. but, I will be backing away from the insane volunteer hours. I just can’t do it anymore

I do volunteer but about half of the work I do is done via emails/phone calls which I can schedule at my convenience. Some of the other work is done in meetings, either in person or on zoom. I think it averages out to be about 3-5 hours per week. It is satisfying because I get to use my professional skills and feel like I am helping people/institutions.

I have considered some volunteer jobs where you have to show up at a certain time every week, and like some of the rest of you, I've rejected that because it didn't sound all that satisfying. The particular thing I am doing is a 3 year appointment which will end next year. Then I will probably add something else on. I certainly know what others experience when people try to act like my volunteer work is a job and pile on more tasks. I remind myself I am simply an unpaid volunteer and pleasantly set boundaries.

But all in all, I think volunteering can be helpful for those of us who no longer work because it is one more way of maintaining social connections which we've learned during these 18 months of Covid are very important for our mental health. It also feels like a small way of making the world a better place.

Those "Nice ways to say No" are a very useful tool. Thanks for posting them Divine. Setting boundaries does not come naturally to many of us, especially women, but it does get easier with practice. It seems to that once people observe that we set boundaries they are less likely to try and take advantage of us.

A few years back I read this book as part of a boundary training workshop-it was "Saying No to Say Yes."' The book helped us to see that if we don't say no to things we really don't want to do, we don't have the time or energy to say yes to things that really matter to us.

I agree we don't have to be an official volunteer to make the world a better place. Each of us has opportunities each day to make a difference and to live our lives with purpose.

Chicagoan, “Inspiration" is one of the boards I made on my Pinterest page and from time to time I add things to it that speak to me. Learning to say no may not seem like inspiration to some, but I wholeheartedly agree that we must learn say no in order to have room for the yes in our lives. For me, it's an ongoing process to remember to do that! I feel like I've been buried under so many layers of responsibility, obligation, conditioning to be nice and put others' feelings before mine, that I'm still finding layers to climb out from under to find how I want to spend my energy.

One of the books I read this year said we should take time out each day for healing. While I may not do it every day, I am more intentional about allowing myself to block out time during the week to do nothing but relax and not feel guilty about it, and to find other ways to be caring towards myself.

Here is one of the things I have on my inspiration board.

I was on the BoD of a local nonprofit prior to my Stage IV diagnosis and knew I wanted to step back but for a number of reasons I only managed to extricate myself a couple of months ago. I'm still working at about 75% time (reduced hours in November last year due to fatigue and other SEs of treatment) so that extra commitment was a drain, even with just one board meeting per month.

Ironically, in a rash moment, I thought it would be a good idea to volunteer for the patient/partner advisory panel of our local hospice. We meet monthly via Zoom because of the pandemic but again, I have just found this to be a drain on my energy and unfortunately not particularly fulfilling. I find the focus is much more on partner-related issues than the patient (understandable as they are the ones with longevity) and it has ended up being pretty “light” on seeking advice - more providing us with information about their services. I get that it takes time to establish a new committee but there needs to be recognition that for patients the clock is ticking!

I may still look for opportunities to volunteer if I am ever able to step back completely from work. (That’s another challenge that I have mentioned on numerous threads. It’s not that simple if your MO is a “get on with it” kind of guy.) However, like others, I need to find something that utilizes my skills but allows me to set my own schedule. Things are just too changeable to consider anything else.

I’ll likely bow out soon Divine. I’ve tried influencing but the woman from Hospice who is leading the group, although lovely in so many ways, is a bit tone deaf. In particular, she seems to be someone who loves the sound of her own voice. She acknowledges my view but then goes on and on. Does the same in meetings which takes time away from hearing from the committee. I don’t think she is aware that she does it. Ultimately this has felt more like they are ticking a box than seeking meaningful feedback