Why am I so afraid of mammograms?

I don't think of myself as having scanxiety or being nervous for tests. But I notice that I am going for my mammogram on Monday and and my productivity has been in the floor the last couple of days while my appetite has been through the roof and now that I think about it, maybe I am a lot more nervous than I let myself connect with.

It's a bit helpful to realize this because I can be a bit easier on myself now.

I'm only two years out. I'm 41 and this is all also a reminder of how my life is different than I ever thought it would be at this age, and different from the lives of many of my peers.

Maybe I will treat myself to some really good sushi if the place near my medical center is still there.

Every year I have my mammogram, visit with breast surgeon, CT scan, and visit with urologist (had nephrectomy due to kidney cancer same year as breast cancer) all in the same week. This year they're on consecutive days. They're a pain in the butt, the mammogram is uncomfortable, the CT is annoying and feels weird, but I don't get particularly anxious. I try to think of them as routine maintenance. Like most people who have had cancer(s), there's always a rude, nasty little voice whispering "what if, what if" for every new or lasting ache or pain or twinge, but I see mammograms and CTs as reassuring; if there IS something there, it will be caught early enough to do something about it.

At least I know I’m not the only one so horribly afraid every year. I’m terrified, almost immobilized as someone else said, every year when I go for my diagnostic mammogram. Because it was my 10 year mark last year, my family comforts me by saying I’m afraid every year and it always turns out fine. That rationale doesn’t help me. My DH will also say I’m worried over nothing and “he knows” I’ll be fine. That doesn’t help.

I have a very strong and active faith in the Lord, and although that helps with someone I can pray to, I don’t k ow His will for me. I feel my faith must be weak.

Making it much worse the last two years is that I’ve developed a complicated, severe anxiety disorder under a doctor’s care. The slightest thing can send me into a full-blown anxiety or panic attack. One year only I was called back from the waiting lounge for more images, and I was so nervous and upset the tech tried to calm me down by calling in a young radiologist to tell me it was only to get different images of an area they were sure was a skin wrinkle. The same radiologist came back after to tell me it had been a wrinkle and when they looked at the new images everything was fine.

I think the best chance I have to calm myself down is to pray and also to realize the mammogram could be totally fine and that is no surety I won’t develop some other disease or something that I’m not even worrying about. In other words, I was fine all year but NOW I’m going to assume the worst? Just because of the test? God bless you all. We are indeed sisters and what we feel is very common.

Hey PurpleCat, sending you some more courage for your MRI. I'm right there with you doing a Mammogram on Thursday morning. I go early and hope I'm the 1st one and the radiologist is on time and I get out of there in an hour or so. Best wishes to you. Here's hoping it is all routine maintenance!

Thank you! I passed, Birads 2. I don't have to go near that machine for 12 whole months! Finally.

How did your MRI go?

Update: MRI was clean! Now all I have to do is schedule a mammogram, and then get through that whole process and waiting, but hopefully it will be less scary with a good MRI in my back pocket.

Yay!!