I only have a negative attitude when people claim that a positive attitude somehow helps you do better in terms of your bc. I am an extremely positive person and I believe it makes my life easier but I believe it has nothing to do with my bc.

I could provide you with a long list of very pos, upbeat and optimistic bco members who have passes away despite a great attitude. There is so much to deal with when you have bc, let’s not add one more thing that people “should” be doing. Let’s not put people in a position to think; Gee, I have a bad attitude sometimes that must be why I’ve had a progression or recurrence. And please, don’t ever suggest this to most stage IV members. It’s insulting and puts yet one more burden on them.

Having a positive attitude as long as it is a personal choice does not hurt others. But sentences like "Our most successful patients in remission are those who adopted a positive attitude" do, even if they are from doctors. The same goes for diet or exercise. It is great to eat well and exercise but unfortunately neither is a guarantee against BC. The first instinct many have after a cancer diagnosis is to blame themselves for their diet or habits. On top of that people start telling you to be strong, be positive, .... and all of it when one is going through one of the toughest experiences in modern life.

I completely agree that my positive attitude has made my ten years with stage IV easier and less stressed. My objection is anything that implies that maintaining a positive attitude creates or maintains remission or lessens the disease. It puts the onus on the person with bc and that is simply unfair, particularly for the stage IV folk.

I also wish we could leave religious beliefs out of threads other than those that are specifically for that. We come from all over the world with different faiths or none at all. It can be uncomfortable especially when the post assumes most share those beliefs. This is essentially a secular site and I hope it remains that way.

I am very positive but it's just a personality trait and possibly does make it a bit easier mentaly but I doubt it makes any difference to the outcome of the diseases.

no pink,

Thank you for bringing up the fact that stage IV is not chronic but terminal. Although we’d like to think the possibility of it being chronic exists, the truth is we don’t know why some folks survive for longer periods of time while most don’t.

I've been sick as a dog with each chemo cycle and started it all with a port incision infection. Breast cancer recurrence. And my mother died of stage 4, many states away, while I was puking from my first chemo treatment. It's been extremely stressful. In all of this, a social worker friend felt it was helpful to repeatedly tell me to lower my stress because stress makes it all worse, without any tangible advice on how to do that. I would ask her how, the response would be, "you know stress is bad for you". Gee, thanks! I will snap my fingers and make that happen. Thanks for the cure all.

I know she meant well, but that was the wrong thing to (repeatedly) say. Only added onto my stress since I apparently do cancer and bereavement all wrong. No, I'm going to cry in the shower instead.

Illimae, get on over here and bring that popcorn!

Thank you, and yes I could use a pink pillow to beat!!!

Hmm, that's interesting. I just checked the article cited by the OP, about "Positive Attitude Can Benefit Patients With Chronic Disease". I see that the patients who participated in the positive attitude intervention had chronic coronary artery disease, asthma or hypertension. I'm afraid I don't consider cancer to be in the same category. I do not think Esther's doctor should have laid that idea on her. I do not think it was kind or scientific. Doctors have a great responsibility because we patients put our trust in them. But I am glad, Esther, that you have found ways to feel better.

Not directly related to the topic but Esther brings up something that I feel is very important for all bc patients. Find an mo you are very comfortable with and have confidence in. This is going to be a very important relationship and not quite feeling right about your mo will be stressful in and of itself! Please do not hesitate to change your mo if the fit is not right. My original mo was the head of the oncology department at the large medical facility I belong to. I’m sure he was knowledgeable but he seemed annoyed by my questions. That made it a bad fit. I’m a retired teacher and lifetime academic. I will always ask questions 😂.

Pi-Xi, you said it well...positive attitude sure makes others feel better. They don't know we stage IV may smile and look good, but

* wonder if it is worth it to buy spring bulbs because will we be around to see them?

* hope we can get a few more miles out of our cars because why get a new one when we might not get to put miles on it?

* can't eat due to scanxiety

* read these forums not to listen to other's suffering but to know we are not alone and gain strength and wisdom from each other

The pressure to stay positive for the benefit of others while going through cancer treatment led my always-pleasant, always-sweet, always-faithful mother in law to have a stress-induced series of debilitating panic/anxiety attacks, the last one leading to a stroke on Thursday. I will be surprised if she makes it to the end of the week.

I'm sure you meant no harm, but posts like this are dangerous and insulting in this environment.

If you need some more perspective, here's some further reading:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC71662...

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?stor...

https://rethinkbreastcancer.com/toxic-positivity-i...

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/...

A positive attitude won't eliminate the giant hole in my breast that can't/won't be fixed, won't restore my relationship with my husband, won't changed the fact that my diagnosis was missed for 10 months, or the fact that my oncologist and BS lied to my face, or change the fact that I am stage 3c so I'm just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I can usually scroll past sh!t like this, but this one's too much (or at least belongs in the Pleasant Positive Prayers Only Section).

Ugh, when someone deletes the original post instead of adding to it with an edit, we lose the context of the discussion that follows. Positive thinking and cancer is a topic worth discussing. As Esther saw, it can elicit strong feelings and opinions. I hope you did not take these personally, Esther, and I know you are new to this disease and in the thick of treatment, still trying to figure out what positivity is or ought to be for you.