I'm not on a "journey" and I'm not a "warrior." Who is with me?

Thanks to all for your support

Moth ... appropriate touching to put my breast in the machine is not a problem. I have had techs lift my breast, smooth my breast and pull it forward into the machine. What you described is expected. The problem is that what she did was completely unnecessary and had nothing to do with putting me in the machine. I gave her more than one opportunity to tell me why she did it. She just pointed at the machine and said let's just do this. Then the mammogram and the necessary touching she did was completely appropriate. If she had given me a reason she needed to use two hands to grope my breast while I was standing three feet away from the machine I doubt I would have allowed it. If she had told me she needed to palpitate my scar, it was visible, she didn't need to look for it. I was able to talk to the radiologist right after my scans and asked if they were good scans and he said they were fine. You sound incredibly considerate and empathetic. By your description the “poking and prodding" you do is for a reason. I can't get the reason why I was groped and she certainly never gave me any warning or asked my permission. Thank you for trying to give me an explanation. If there had been a valid reason for the touching I could forgive the lack of communication but it won't ever happen again. I'll warn the next tech. Thanks again for letting me vent. It definitely helps

Absolutley agree with this. I've been told I'm stronger than I think - even though I repeatedly tell this person that i'm not - I just have no choice.

As for 'brave' - when it comes to this, I'm scared, depressed and angry a lot of the time. I think it's because other's are so scared of cancer, that because we go through it we must be so brave. But what is frustrating is that even when you try to tell them you're not feeling that was, they don't listen. Just keep saying it, or else they imply you're being too negative.

So, my conclusion is that only brave, strong warriors get cancer. If you're a coward, and classify yourself as weak and pathetic, you can't possibly get cancer. And yes, it's not a journey it's a shitfest.

But as is always the case, listening to us and how we really feel isnt the priority - we're told how and who we are and how we should feel by people who don't know what they're talking about.

Rubyredslippers and BCinfoseeker ... sorry to say ... welcome to the club. I was diagnosed in 2018 and completely refused to be sunshine and roses for anyone. My husband knows me well enough to know I would reach out to the people I needed and didn't want to talk/discuss/listen to advice or hear horror stories from anyone else. Bless his heart, he came home one day and the first words out of his mouth were, I swear I didn't tell them. Someone had seen me at the doctors office and asked my husband what was going on. He said, she's very private and the best thing to do is not talk about cancer unless she mentions it. They were good friends and followed his advice without getting offended. Fortunately my cancer was/is not aggressive and I'm in the 5 year follow up with mammograms, breast MRIs and Letrozole.

As for being brave, unless you've been on that road, there is no brave. The emotional roller coaster is so completely draining. Even now two weeks before a mammo or MRI, anxiety kicks in ... what if ... I still don't feel OK with my body, I've been betrayed.

BCinfoseeker, it looks from your information that we have a very similar diagnosis.

Best wishes and empathy to all on this journey. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, gather your emotional rocks close and the hell with anyone else who can't deal with it.

Grandma - My mom died in 2019 of ovarian. Undiagnosed for months - it was the size of a grapefruit when they found it. Inoperable; she was 86 and just decided to pull the ripcord and lived two months at home with hospice care and never left the house again.

I thought I was going to get a *little* more time before this deal became part of my life like a very unwanted guest that messes up the kitchen and shits on the floor. And I too am pretty private. My false negative biopsy came after a BI-RADS 5 US which I should have taken more seriously. But I kind of whooped it up in August after the biopsy results, thinking I was going to escape relatively unscathed. I told a few people about my false negative diagnosis that I wish I hadn't. But, I've just stopped texting them since the surgery and dx; maybe I'll hear from them and maybe I won't!

We can chat more about our dxes... for now zzzzzzzzz.

Hugs to all