Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

April girl

Thanks for your comments, I need to hear I won’t always feel this bad.

Leigh68 I agree and second your sentiments so glad to hear exbmxgr

exbrnxgrl hope all goes well, Positive2strong my side effects were worst in the first few months of treatment so it will get better, all treatments have side effects. As for life going on it really does, we went to a wedding last week and had a ball, I am working part-time, we are going on a short holiday to a nice hotel, I got some nice underwear just going to have a bit of fun with my husband A young colleague of mine said to me one day she was pretty sure her parents were not having sex anymore because they are in their 60s!! it made me laugh so much, I suppose for a 27-year-old, people in their 60s are ancient.

Caryn,

As a veteran of this MBC business, I suggest that your anxiety might have been caused by something I have experienced throughout my life. I call it "placating the gods." At times when I become aware of having a particularly good run of fortune, I recognize that this streak could end at any time. I then "sensibly" acknowledge "This too shall pass," which can throw me into a bout of hyper-vigilance and worry.

Primitive, yes. But controllable when I remember that I prefer to smite myself before the Gods/Goddesses/Fates do. How absurd is that?

Not a diagnosis, just a theory!

Tina

exbrnxgirl- Hurray! Keep on dancing with Lt NED!

Caryn-So glad to hear this news! Now back to living life.

Great news! Happy to see this

So happy to hear this good news! ❤

Positive - there are god days and bad days, I hope yours get better and stay that way. Covid, the weather, fires make things worse. Do what you can and what brings you happiness.

Positive2Strong have you tried councling I tried it at the cancer center I go to it didn't do anything for me however she did explain how to get more out of appointments with the oncologist which did help.

For well over a year, I've committed to setting firm boundaries with my (6) siblings, including staying away from family gatherings. It's been so much more difficult than I imagined but totally necessary. It wasn't till the past few months I began getting great clarity on the tangled relationships. That lent itself to having a pretty good summer as I had time and energy to do what I truly wanted to do, rather than getting drained and irritated by my extended family,

One problem was a couple sisters want to make me the sad story of the clan. A get-together would go something like, “Fred, congrats on the new house!" “Sally, so excited about your pregnancy!" “Sue, fantastic about your job promotion!" and then…"Camille, how were your CANCER SCANS?" It's the one thing they want to associate me with. It sounds like they're caring, but what they're really doing is reminding me that even tho I have many good things in my life (which they don’t acknowledge), toooo bad about that stage iv cancer thing. Plus, why would they think I want to discuss a very personal matter over top of loud, happy conversations and interruptions of a party? So I called them out on it. I've been to one get-together in 1 1/2 years. It's been emotionally challenging yet very freeing.

So much of life is relationships. Living with mbc make me very aware that I don't want to waste time tolerating things I don't have to tolerate. I'm always a work in progress, but these days, I check in more often with myself about how someone else is making me feel, and when I don't like how I'm feeling around them, I make adjustments.

I have only recently told my siblings because with a big family wedding in July I did not want everything to be about me all my siblings have been great to me. I have told them I don't want every conversation to be about me I want to hear the normal news from everyone so far so good. I think the fact that I am still working has reassured them a bit.

One of my brothers who is a farmer never got married and is a bit cut off from life said to me they can cut it out everything will be alright I didn't correct him because what would be the point he means the best.

They love my husband and he might need them for support and I do think about that.

I was supposed to be the emotional cripple of the family, a failure. But I was just a late bloomer. I eventually got an associate's degree, a good job, in my 30s I married a good man, remodeled a fixer-upper, raised a great kid, am financially stable. My sisters don't know how to relate to me on this level. They were so sure I would be a lifelong embarrassing burden to them, that's what they wanted. They thought I should live my life by their rules but I followed my own and succeeded. I've even done better in some ways than several siblings, which messed with their heads.

One sister is about self-sacrifice: “there's not enough to go around, I will give you mine." Must cheerfully, always put others before herself.The saint and martyr. It's not enough for her to be that way, she expects me to deny myself, too. Like since I have nice things and a good life, I shouldn't enjoy them, I should always be doing for others as if to apologize for my lifestyle (which was created through hard work and making responsible choices). If I don't do it that way, I am selfish. Well, I see life as a both/and, not an either/or. I feel that there is enough to go around and I don't have to give up what I have for others to get what they want/need.

But I am done with the put-downs and the cult-like insistence that I do things their way. I recently saw a meme that said, “The most satisfying adult sentence: 'Yeah, I'm not going to do that'.“

Sound about right!

Thanks, Caryn, for your comment! Family relationships can be a complicated web of many issues.

In the meantime, I mentioned having a good summer. Once I was vaccinated (already got a booster shot, too) and pandemic restrictions were eased, I got out and about. I took a garden tour, an historical home tour and went to a covered dish lunch where my husband works and met lots of people in the building. We went to a 50th wedding anniversary party and also the one family gathering I mentioned, when a sister visited from Alabama with her son's family. Starting in June, dh and I also made good use of our pool pass, going several times a week. It's two minutes away. Early mornings are for adult swim which I especially like, and last week the group of us who go at that time had a covered dish lunch at the picnic shelter there. The season ends this Saturday and we'll miss it.

I met a woman at the pool who told me about a weekly line dance class in town, so I've been going to that, too and it makes me so happy! We are all in our 60s-80s (yes, 80s). Low-key exercise plus I'm learning dance step names and timing. Right after the beginners' class, a group who've been at it for years takes the floor and it's so fun to watch them! No big, splashy showing off, just everyone dance stepping together and boy do they know their stuff! It's impressive.

The pandemic year was challenging, so I'm grateful to be able to have more to do this year outside the home. Along with flower gardening, cooking up vegetables from dh's garden and taking care of a few home improvements like getting new gutters on the house, it may sound like I'm non-stop busy, but I most definitely still need big chunks of down time. I make sure to include plenty of days where all I do is stay home and take it easy, and turns out, that's something I'm pretty good at, haha!