Lost hubby but staying strong

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Emotional_Hubby
Emotional_Hubby Member Posts: 22
edited August 2021 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My wife was diagnosed with BC on 07/6/21 after having 4 biopsy's done 2 in each breast.The one came back as woman of uncertain menopausal status with a clinical T2N1M0 G2 ER-positive, PR-positive, HER2-negative left breast cancer.. Biopsy of 2.3 cm mass at the 10 o'clock position of the left breast 6/29/21 demonstrated intermediate grade invasive ductal carcinoma that is ER-positive (90%), PR-positive (>95%) and HER2-negative (IHC 1+). Also FINAL DIAGNOSIS

1. Left breast, 10 o'clock 5 cm from nipple, ultrasound guided needle core biopsy with Q-clip placement (A)

- Invasive ductal carcinoma, provisional Nottingham grade 2.

2. Right breast, 2 o'clock 8 cm from nipple, ultrasound guided needle core biopsy with ribbon-clip placement (B)

- Fascicular pseudoangiomatous stromal hyperplasia (PASH).

- Microcalcifications, identified.

3. Right breast, subareolar ultrasound guided needle core biopsy with heart clip placement (C)

- Fragment of cyst wall.

4. Left breast, stereo/tomo biopsy for microcalcifications with hourglass clip placement (D)

- Proliferative fibrocystic changes, to include usual ductal hyperplasia and associated luminal microcalcifications.


Hope that helps above.She then went and got a MRI that showed more spots on right and left was scheduled for US and a axillary lymph node biopsy.When she got the US done they then said they wanted to do 5 more biopsy's 3 on left 2 on right and she flipped out.I was able to calm her and she agreed to just the lymph node biopsy which came back positive. The BS still wants those other biopsy's done and is pushing for her to get lumpectomy but she is leaning towards mastectomy of both breast.She doesn't want the right ones done because they can only be done as a mri guided biopsy and she has been having terrible nerve pain and can't lay still that long.She doesn't get along well with radiologist or BS but they are highly regarded.They seem to not answer our questions and they make her feel like a walking atm pin cushion.

I know this is a lot but I'm a mess.My company offers a program that will pay for travel,food,hotels, and 100% of all test and surgeries done at Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN.She really wants to go there and we are already approved and have appts setup for end of month.I'm just worried that all the waiting is gonna cause more harm than good as Mayo has said surgery appts are scheduling 6 weeks out.I just want my wife to be comfortable with her health care team and get the best help I can get her.


Also she is mad as not one person on her current care team has said anything about the small mass seen on her liver when MRI was done.It says indeterminate could be cyst.Also she keeps apologizing to me and saying sorry to be putting you through this you didn't sign up for this.Also she keeps thinking she failed the family.I keep telling my wife I did sign up for this when we took our vows 18 years ago and no reason to apologize.I tell her all the time she is my piece of the puzzle that completes me .She is 99% of what makes me and without her I would be lost forever.She is my soulmate my everything.We have 4 older boys who also have been helping out.She loves going to yard sales to find old Mickey Mouses with older son and he has made sure to go with her every Friday and Saturday.

Make a long story short has anyone waited that long for surgery and just a opinion on what you think.I'm sorry to bother all you beautiful courageous women going through this but I'm terrified and am a emotional mess trying to hold strong for my wife.Thank you


Ourcurrent care team is not doing genetic testing but Mayo wants the genetic testing done.Also my wife is 52 years old

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2021

    Hi Emotional_Hubby and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

    We're so very sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis, but we're so glad you've found us. You're sure to find our amazing community an incredible source of advice, information, encouragement, and support -- we're all here for you and your wife!

    Getting the initial diagnosis is always overwhelming, as there is so much information to take in and decisions to make and questions to ask. Just know you're not alone, and the more pieces of the puzzle that come together, the better you'll start to feel about getting a treatment plan in place. Knowledge is power!

    Others will surely be by soon to welcome you and help answer your questions. In the meantime, we wanted to share with you this thread called The Husbands Corner, where other spouses share their experiences with supporting their wives through a diagnosis and beyond.

    Sending big hugs!

    --The Mods

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  • Esther01
    Esther01 Member Posts: 294
    edited August 2021

    Emotional Hubby,

    You are doing an amazing job caring for your wife as she begins treatment. It sounds like you've found a wonderful cancer care center. I've sent you a private message as well.

    Blessings

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited August 2021

    Unless she got diagnosed with IBC, which doesn't seem to be the case, the timeline should be fine. Most cancers have been there a while before they're found, so a few more weeks won't make much difference.

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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited August 2021

    EH, to my mind, if you are looking at waiting six weeks versus getting doctors she is comfortable with and who are likely to give the best medical advice, skill, and expertise -- I would definitely choose Mayo. In my opinion, that is likely to make a big difference in your wife's experience and possibly in her outcome, much bigger than waiting a few more weeks. I agree with Alice; it does not sound like the doctors have told her that this is an emergency, and nothing in the pathology report sounds like it is to me. Of course, nobody should drag their feet getting care for cancer, but you already have appointments set up at Mayo, so that is excellent.

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  • Rah2464
    Rah2464 Member Posts: 1,647
    edited August 2021

    Emotional - I agree with ShetlandPony. You have to find a balance between urgency and the crucial relationship to your doctors. I would definitely pursue treatment at Mayo and ask to be on a cancellation list just in case they can move you up. Sometimes you just have to trust that inner instinct that pushes you in a different direction. Being heard as a patient is important because you need to feel as though you are participative in this process, not just directed.

    Wishing the very best to your wife, to you, and to your family.

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  • Emotional_Hubby
    Emotional_Hubby Member Posts: 22
    edited August 2021

    Thanks for the replies and taking the time to help someone else.We are going to go to Mayo and see about being put on cancellation list. I just want my wife to be heard and feel like all her questions are being answered and not just being brushed off or dismissed.She is super scared she just told me last night and it made me super scared .

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  • saltmarsh
    saltmarsh Member Posts: 227
    edited August 2021

    Hang in there, Emotional_Hubby! Sometimes I think managing stress is the largest, hardest component of going through cancer treatment or living with cancer. I am glad your wife has excellent access to care and encourage you to do whatever you can to cultivate calm or relaxation as you go through this together.

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