Incredibly worried that this = never being able to have kids

Options
midnightcookie
midnightcookie Member Posts: 6
edited August 2021 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

A biopsy was recommended for me, after a recent mammogram, and I have been stressing about this pretty much non-stop - the fact that I even need a biopsy has me convinced that there will be bad news ahead. I am so worried that any type of diagnosis or treatment will pretty much ruin my life. I'm afraid I won't be able to continue working, which will lead to financial distress. I am also very concerned about needing any type of treatment that may impact my fertility. Are there reliable ways to avoid that? Is this something that doctors take into account when determining a treatment plan?

I've read that it's recommended that people wait a few years after treatment to even start trying, but because of my age (late 30s), I'm not sure I have that time. I may also be too old for any type of egg freezing, and I am worried that I may not have the time to do it (from what I have read here, it seems like things move pretty quickly once a diagnosis is issued.) I know age is a pregnancy risk factor, but does cancer treatment also make it even more improbable? We were not 100% sure if we wanted kids, but we were leaning towards the possibility until COVID came along, and put our lives on hold. I know many people have kids in their late 30s and early 40s, so I never really thought waiting would be an issue and I wanted to make sure the timing was right for me. I know I am probably getting ahead of myself, but I really can't help thinking about these things, and I really don't know if I will be comfortable agreeing to a treatment that may potentially make me unable to conceive.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • JoieDeVivre73
    JoieDeVivre73 Member Posts: 21
    edited August 2021

    Hi - I'm sorry you're going through this! I'm waiting on biopsy results and it is nerve wracking. At this point, there's nothing concrete to worry about, so try to put all your energy into positive, healing thoughts and find things to keep yourself sane while you wait for the process to play out. When is your biopsy? I'll be praying it's good news. Statistically, the odds are in your favor. I'm sorry I don't have any info about cancer treatment's impact on fertility. I did experience 5 years of infertility treatments, though. I imagine infertility and cancer testing/waiting/treatment, etc. are equally terrifying and frustrating. There's so much out of your control and there is a grieving process for both. Good news is that there are SO many ways to start a family these days. If you want to be a mom, you can be, regardless of infertility or a cancer diagnosis. For me, it took 4 rounds of IVF and eventually an egg donor IVF. My daughter will be 13 in a month, and I wouldn't change a thing. So, try to focus on your mental/physical health and not to get too far ahead of yourself (I know that's hard). Best wishes!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited August 2021

    Whoa, you haven't even had a biopsy and you're catastrophizing all over the place! Most biopsies have benign results, for starters. Most breast cancer patients keep working through treatment. Many patients do not need chemo. Look through the topics here regarding pregnancy; I know some have undergone treatment while pregnant, and others have paused treatment to get pregnant. Please come down off the cliff your mind has sent you up, allow yourself maybe five minutes a day to worry, then do fun things to take your mind off your extreme thoughts. If you can't do that, ask your doctor for medication or a referral for counseling so you don't make yourself ill.


    eta words that got cut off the last sentence.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited August 2021

    I'm with Alice. Don't invite bad news; it finds us soon enough. Remind yourself that you hadn't even decided you WANTED kids until you assumed you might not be able to have them. Adoptions, IVF, etc. are always on the table....but first...find out if you even need to plan that far!! Best to you.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • midnightcookie
    midnightcookie Member Posts: 6
    edited August 2021

    Thank you for the responses, I know I am probably getting ahead of myself. This whole situation really caught me off-guard and I wish I had a regular PCP because something for my anxiety might not be such a bad idea, at the moment. Not sure when the biopsy is, I have a consult with a surgeon at MSK next week.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories