Oncoplastic lumpectomy

Waves2Stars
Waves2Stars Member Posts: 158
edited August 2021 in Breast Reconstruction

My surgeon will remove the 1.8cm mass, then plastic surgeon will supposedly give both breasts a lift and fat graft the delumped area. I really have only seen a couple of images of results from this procedure on RealSelf, so I’m not getting my hopes up that it will look that great.

Tbh, I have been considering a lift for a while, but my husband hates scars. He abhors implants. Now here I am with a condition that mandates scars. Breasts are a big deal to him, like almost the most important thing. My lower situated breasts and aging face has cause a huge, huge problem for the last two years. I was pretty much gutted before the dx.

So my surgeon said I could do the flap thing with implants, or lumpectomy with the radiation treated breast being slightly larger, because radiation will atrophy it some. I don’t know which will hold up betterfor the most amount of time.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2021

    I am going to say something that you may not like. Although it is admirable that you are taking your husband's feelings into consideration, you are not having surgery and getting recon for cosmetic reasons. More importantly, it is your body! He doesn't like scars? Too bad, you are having surgery to nip a disease in the bud. Surgery involves cutting, cutting yields scars.Again too bad, this is a medical necessity. He doesn't like implants? Again, tough toenails! You have an early breast cancer for G-d's sake. Do what is medically best per your mo. Do what you want for recon because it is your body. Breasts are a big deal to him? A bigger deal than your health?? Sorry, this is 2021, he needs to put your health and your recon choice first. THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIM!

    As to saggy breasts and faces, I can only hope that you and your husband realize that we all age and our bodies change. This is completely normal. What could be causing a huge, huge problem? Getting old, in my opinion, is far better than being dead.

    I am sorry if this sounds harsh but I have a huge problem with men dictating what women should do to their bodies. It is just plain wrong and super disrespectful

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2021

    We echo the sentiment that you need to do what is best for YOU and really, only you. Please keep us posted, and let us share as much as you like here. Caregivers partners unfortunately also face great struggles, but you'll need to keep talking with your treatment team as you select the best options for your unique situation. We're all here for you.

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  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited August 2021

    Agreed, your husband's preferences don't count here. Your health, both physical and mental, are the only important thing.

    That said, I had lumpectomy on the left with about a 2" incision. It left a reddish scar that is completely smooth, but does have some color. I had reduction surgery on the right to improve symmetry. The reduction surgery was much more extensive surgery, but the scars are almost invisible. There is a line under that breast that is somewhat visible, but around the nipple and down from there, there is no scar to be seen.

    I'm sorry your husband is making this difficult for you. YOU are the important one in this deal. Not him.

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  • Waves2Stars
    Waves2Stars Member Posts: 158
    edited August 2021

    My husband hasn’t said anything physical attributes since last fall. But I can’t forget what all he said and how he acted. I care some about my looks, and I thought I was doing all right for my age, but since last year I felt shamed. I didn’t even know it until speaking with my surgeon when the word fell out of my mouth. She gave me a referral to a counselor who specializes in cancer.

    I know my life is more important, and I would tell any woman going thru the same thing everything y’all said, too! But I know everything will be different in my life for a long, long time, if not forever, including how I view myself and how others view and treat me. I hope counseling helps me recon with it all. I want somewhere to be honest with all the stupid things I am thinking about.

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  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited August 2021

    I'm glad you're going to see a counselor, Waves2Stars. I hope it gives you some clarity about how to proceed and put your health needs first.


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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2021

    waves2stars,

    I wish I could hug you and reassure you that the beginning is the worst in many ways. I don't know how old you are or what happened between you and your husband. But here is what I do know. I am about to turn 65 and I care about how I look as well. I look far younger and sure as heck don't look Ike I'm stage IV (there's a well established cancer stereotype which I don't fit). I take good care of my hair, I care about my clothing, but… these are just the externals. The thing I am most proud of is the strong, confident woman I am on the inside. I am proud to be a mother, grandmother and a recent retiree from a wonderful profession. That is what makes me confident and brings me joy. Yes, when I look good, I feel good and that changes over the course of a lifetime for everyone, I am not my body, my clothes, shoes or handbags (love them!) or anything external! Who I am is how I conduct myself in the world, how I treat my fellow living creatures, and the love and devotion I have for my family. Regardless of what happens to my body due to disease or aging, the most important part is not external. So there is nothing wrong with caring about your looks but that is not what defines you! You are worth far more than that 💗

    A quick note on recon. My implants just had their 10th birthday. I'm quite pleased with them. I had one steps, under the muscle and Alloderm . They were only able to save one nipple and I was so, so tired of medical procedures that I never went back for additional recon. You know what? I'm fine with it and I'm alive. Life's not too bad and if someone doesn't like my recon, though that's their issue. You get to choose what you want to do with your body. This is about your health! And don't ever hesitate to come here with whatever wild thoughts you have!

    This will give you a chuckle and illustrate that even after 10 years, I still think of “stupid “ things.

    I almost always schedule my PET scans for early morning so that my fasting period is mainly when I'm asleep. I have had a lot of PET scans after 10 years! My mo emailed me today and said she had set me up for a PET next week. I checked the appointment time, 6:00pm 😩. The only time I ever had a scan that late was when my bone met was found. So the stupid part of my brain is now thinking, “ The last time I had a scan late in the day, they found a bone met. Since I'm having a late day scan for the first time in a decade, they are going to find more mets!" This is totally irrational and has no bearing onreality but the stupid part of my brain still thinks it. I recognize that it makes no sense and laugh it off but I can guarantee the thought will crop up until I get the scan results.

    Be very good to yourself. I had to, learn by baby steps, to put myself first where my health was concerned.

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