Ok I need prayer

LoverofJesus
LoverofJesus Member Posts: 255
edited July 2021 in Prayers and Spiritual Support

I’m really hurting today. Not physically just mentally. My chemo was thrown off a week due to low white counts. Which was my dr’s fault as he decided not to do Neulasta because my white counts were high and he thought they wouldn’t drop below normal. But they did. So now I had to put is off a week. I have so many treatments I feel like I’m never going to get done. And then I have to have surgery. Then rads then final surgery. I am looking at not getting somewhat done until next year. I’m so sad. I know God has healed me but I truly want to see it manifest In the natural. I’m know everyone on here has been scared. I have come to realize that fear is not always lack of Faith. I have Faith in God and healing. I just am struggling so bad today. I keep thinking why could I have not caught cancer sooner where I would not have chemo, why did my mammogram miss it, why can’t I have surgery now and not have to wait on chemo first. I want to live a long happy life. I wonder if I’ll ever get through this depression and fear.
please pray for me.

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Comments

  • cookie54
    cookie54 Member Posts: 134
    edited July 2021

    Prayers coming your way! I know how disappointing any delay in your treatment is, we all hate it .I know the road ahead seems so long, God will carry you through. Don't look at the whole staircase just take it one step at a time. We all have our down days and that's needed. So tomorrow shrug it off and work on the positive's. Gods' got this! Sending hugs and prayers to you.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2021

    “I keep thinking why could I have not caught cancer sooner where I would not have chemo, why did my mammogram miss it, why can't I have surgery now and not have to wait on chemo first. I want to live a long happy life. I wonder if I'll ever get through this depression and fear.
    please pray for me.“

    Hi LOJ,

    I’m afraid we don’t share religions so I won’t offer a prayer that doesn’t involve Jesus, but I did want to address the questions you’ve raised.

    - Catching cancer sooner: How would you have done that? Please don’t think that you could have caught it or figured it out on your own. I doubt any of us could !

    - Why did my mammogram miss it? : Why? Mammos are not perfect, full stop! There are a few reasons specifically, but suffice to say that neither mammos nor any other imaging modalities are 100%. I had a clear mammogram 13 months before my stage IV dx. Why was I stage IV just a year later? I don’t think anyone can offer a good explanation, nor am I going to spend my precious time figuring it out. It would change nothing.

    - surgery or chemo first: Neo-adjuvant chemo is becoming the preferred choice in many instances. It is a completely normal and medically acceptable path. It may shrink your tumor, easier surgery, and it is not harming you as you will be in treatment.

    Of course you want to live a long happy life and you most likely will! The months of active tx can be difficult but it will end for you but it’s your best bet in terms of achieving that happy life. I would highly recommend a therapist who deals with cancer patients. Your depression and fear are not uncommon but if it’s not lifting on it’s own, professional help is the way to go. It can really enhance the quality of your life, give you some good coping tools and maybe even meds if recommended.

    This may be the worst thing you’ve faced but try to put in perspective and do what you need to do to move forward. These are the tough times but when you can, choose happiness and don’t waste another minute of your precious life ruminating on the past. The past can’t be changed or undone. Focuson the here and now.

    Thinking of you.

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  • BtwnStars
    BtwnStars Member Posts: 95
    edited July 2021

    LoverofJesus, prayers for you. You’ve had a small setback, while incredibly frustrating, try to take it one thing at a time. The most important thing is your body in the right condition to get treatment. As for your other questions, there’s just no way to have known and many of us feel the same. It is hard to accept that we are not really in control as we go thru this. I do the same thing, looking at what’s ahead and thinking of the “time lost”, but I try to bring it back to doing what is best for now for what my body needs. And in grand scheme it’s just some months. I know it’s all easier said than done but just keep pushing along, one thing at a time. I keep repeating ‘this too shall pass.’ Hugs to you

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  • LoverofJesus
    LoverofJesus Member Posts: 255
    edited July 2021
    • exbrngrl,

    I'm sorry I didn't mention Jesus. I do believe in Jesus. In fact I know He bore stripes so I could be forgiven and healed. I guess I was just upset when typing. But I assure you I believe in Jesus. I don't know what I would do through this without Him and Holy Spirit to help me and give me peace and comfort. Thank you in fact for pointing out to me that I didn't mention Him.

    You're amazing for encouraging me! I will be praying for you! Jesus is my savior. So yes we share religious views. We both believe in the same savior.

    Maybe I could not have caught it sooner. But wow the mammogram missing it too. That is just a double whammy. I know my pity party won't last. Jesus always pulls me out when I read His words. But today was just one of those days I guess. Since He created me I'm sure He understands my hurt and fear. I'm just so thankful for people like you willing to pray!!

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  • LoverofJesus
    LoverofJesus Member Posts: 255
    edited July 2021

    Btwnstars,

    Thank you so much for the prayers. I know this will pass and I will begin to see it in my rear view mirror. I and quoting scriptures over my body and in my life daily. Jesus’ promises are always yes and amen. Thank you so much.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited July 2021

    LOJ,

    I think you misunderstood me. Here is what Isaid:

    “I'm afraid we don't share religions so I won't offer a prayer that doesn't involve Jesus, but I did want to address the questions you've raised.“

    I don't believe in Jesus so I was not able to offer prayers, at least not ones that you would be comfortable with, so no, we do not share religious views at all, LOL! I clearly understand your belief as it's in your username! I am happy to share my knowledge of bc, but I am not a Christian and never will be. I need to be clear about that . Take care.

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  • Esther01
    Esther01 Member Posts: 294
    edited July 2021

    Precious LoverofJesus,

    I'm praying for you, too. Trying to take in the whole journey all at once is overwhelming. I tried as much as possible to keep each chapter of my bc adventure separate so I would not become overwhelmed. I did not let myself think about radiation until after surgery, and I'm about to start seven weeks of it. I wanted to pray through each phase and see what He wanted me to do. I know He is with us and helping us moment by moment and that all of our questions will be answered someday when we see Him face to face. Until then, He has a plan for you even in the midst of this and He will see you safely through. I agree with JO-5 and would love to see you join the thread she mentioned.

    Love and blessings,

    Esther

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