BIRADS 5 - biopsy coming up. Do I tell my parents?

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kimbahtx
kimbahtx Member Posts: 6
edited July 2021 in Waiting for Test Results

I saw a similar post in this forum - a mother wondering whether or not to wait for definitive results from her biopsy before sharing with her adult children - but I have the same question for the other way around. I’m 38 but the baby of my family so i definitely still have a very parent/child relationship with my parents. They and my older sister know I had a diagnostic mammo and US and that a biopsy had been ordered. But at the time I mentioned that to them, I didn’t know the BIRADS category yet. I still have to wait another week and a half for the biopsy and then up to 3 days after that for the results. I don’t want them to worry, but I’m wondering if it’s better for them to have this time to mentally prepare for the same news I have been bracing myself for, or just wait until it’s 100% confirmed post-biopsy. I’m grateful I found this forum and all of you great folks giving honest but compassionate feedback and advice. I’m used to doing things on my own and trying not to be a burden to anyone but I’m also wondering if it is a good idea to bring someone with me to my biopsy. I am single and live alone. Thank you!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2021

    I had this problem (I was dx'd at 42) - what I would suggest is not only to await the diagnosis but also the treatment plan. I know many people like to share with family, but there will be questions and confusion and you won't have answers yet to share to calm everyone down. Its better to wait to confirm and show up to the conversation with knowledge to share with them of what your treatment will be and what you may need from them. You could only need surgery - why panic everyone with thoughts of the conventional cancer patient pale,thin, and hooked up to an IV when a) its not like that in reality and b) you may not even need chemo. You will also have time to get used to a lot of new terms and be able to speak with knowledge which will be helpful and reassuring as well. I didn't wait and then had to share even worse news with my parents a year and a half later BUT with so much more knowledge that it wasn't nearly as explosive as it could have been as they could tell I was calm and well in what was going on and if I wasn't upset, they didn't need to be upset.

    I didn't bring anyone to my biopsy but here its all done in one appointment - physical exam, diagnostic mammo, U/S, biopsy, preliminary results. By the time i got to biopsy I was crying on the table as I knew it wasn't good then I had to take a bus home an hour having been given BIRADS 5 and not knowing anything of what was going on (confirmation discussion was 2 weeks later). If you already know you are BIRADS5 and the biopsy is really more to confirm/set hormone markers then the actual procedure itself isn't that uncomfortable. And hey there is still that 5% chance it could be benign :)

  • Jelson
    Jelson Member Posts: 1,535
    edited July 2021

    I didn't read you saying that your internal debate about whether to tell your parents involved your needing their support during this waiting period. You only expressed concern about their feelings. I agree with SondraF that it is preferable to bring family onboard after the biopsy and when you know what you are dealing with and have at least a tentative treatment plan. Otherwise all they will have are questions you will not be able to answer. If you need assistance getting to/from the biopsy than ask them, perhaps your sister? but I wouldn't share your birads result unless asked. If you feel you need support for the visit at which the results of the biopsy and treatment plan are discussed, ask for someone to attend with you. This time is about you and what you need. I am hoping for the best outcome for you!!

  • kimbahtx
    kimbahtx Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2021

    Thank you both so much. You are confirming that I am doing the right thing so at least I can feel confident in that. I definitely don’t want them worrying more than they need to. They are both retired nurses and mom is a cancer survivor herself (lymphoma) so I know those two things will inform their reaction/response, too, and they will have a lot of questions that I would love to be able to answer. Thanks again. I am hoping for the best outcome too.

  • 1982M
    1982M Member Posts: 300
    edited July 2021

    I'm a birads 4c and ended up telling my parents and husbands parents. We weren't planning on telling them but we are camping with our kids near my in laws (2hrs away) when they scheduled my results/follow upon the middle of our trip. We wanted my MIL to watch the kids at our campsite so we could both attend my appointment. I also didn't want to rebook my appointment and I was told the mass was coming out so surgery was going to happen anyways. I didn't want to tell my mother in law without telling my parents, so we gave all four parents a heads up. My parents are both cancer survivors so this is a little ptsd for them, especially my dad who had a stem cell transplant.

    For me telling them obviously is making them worried, but also providing me and my family support for the next couple of weeks with all the test coming up. I told the kids the doctor found a lump and is going to take it out sometime this summer since my youngest is 4 and I needed her to be gentle after my biopsy. They were happy with that and don't seem to worried.

    I really hope this is a radial scar and if it is, I don't think anyone will be mad I told them all the info earlier.

  • kimbahtx
    kimbahtx Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2021

    I can certainly see how sharing with them earlier is beneficial for your family while you wait for more info. We are very lucky to have supportive parents at any stage of this, so I am grateful that this is a consideration for me at all. I am hoping for the best for you and hope that your surgery goes well.

  • SuQu31
    SuQu31 Member Posts: 160
    edited July 2021

    Chiming in just in case my slightly different situation helps someone else who comes along. My husband and I waited until we had results and a plan in place before telling family. In our case, the decision was more how and when to tell adult children. We decided it would be so much less frightening if we knew what it was and the plan. We did tell them before getting results of a liver ultrasound (MRI lit up and needed to determine if there was spread). At that point, we needed some positive support and prayers as we dealt with that possibility. As Jelson says, please take care of your own need for support during this time.

    We did not tell my mother, who had health issues and a tendency for anxiety, combined with some dementia, until after my surgery was over and all was well. I could not bear to keep her completely in the dark, but also could not deal with her anxiety on top of my own during the weeks I waited for surgery. I also knew she would be so worried and so confused about what was going on. My brother told her the news that day when my surgery was over, then I explained everything again (a few times) once I got out of the hospital. It did not surprise me one bit that she knew something was wrong during those weeks, but just couldn't figure out what it was. It is hard to hide things from your mother, even as an adult!

    We had Thanksgiving dinner with her and the rest of the family between diagnosis and surgery. Everyone knew except her. I promised/threatened to repeatedly give my mother the cell phone number of anyone who let the news slip.

  • 1982M
    1982M Member Posts: 300
    edited July 2021

    Thats definitely a blessing! I would have preferred not to say anything, but the camping trip complicated it so much, it seemed like the easier route.

    So glad to hear you have got a lot of support!

  • kimbahtx
    kimbahtx Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2021

    hi everyone. just wanted to pop back in with an update if anyone was looking (I definitely was looking for updates on posts I read when I was going through the waiting period). I had my biopsy yesterday with another mammo and US. They biopsies the lesion in my breast as well as a swollen lymph node on the same side. While the breast tissue will still take a few days, the lymph node tested positive for breast cancer already. I ended up bringing my sister with me and she was with me when I called my parents. I think they knew something was up already. I still worry about them worrying about me but they held it together on the phone. Thank you all for your support.

  • Aram
    Aram Member Posts: 417
    edited July 2021

    Hi kimbahtx, I am sorry for your positive biopsy result. I hope you get more details soon, the waiting period is hard.

  • 1982M
    1982M Member Posts: 300
    edited July 2021

    I’m sorry your going through this as well. Lots of love and light to you kimbahtx.

  • fifthyear
    fifthyear Member Posts: 225
    edited July 2021

    Very sorry you have to go through this, sending positive thoughts your way

  • Redcanoe
    Redcanoe Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2021

    I'm so sorry. We are here for you.

  • LivinLife
    LivinLife Member Posts: 1,332
    edited July 2021

    So sorry to hear that kimbah! Glad you had your sister with you!! You will get through this. You've likely seen on here already that once you get a plan it will help - you at least have a direction and next steps to focus on....

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