Off Topic: Other Person, Other Cancer

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DivineMrsM
DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
edited June 2021 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

Someone recently confided in me, not a family or extended-family member, their spouse was diagnosed with prostate cancer that has spread to the bone. It isn not extensive, only located in one spot. I think she sought me out due to my own diagnosis and this person was looking for comfort, words of wisdom, advice, something. I just let her mostly talk and didn’t ask a lot of questions as I can tell she’s still sorting things out in her own mind and heart.

I don’t want to give false hope nor to I want to be negative. Also, this is a different type of cancer. I have no knowledge about stage iv prostate cancer. Is its prognosis better or worse than stage iv bc? What kinds of treatments are available? Which facility/doctors are best? I don’t have any of these answers. This is why I did not say much as I have no experience with the specifics of what he’s dealing with.

Does anyone have any insights? How do you support those going through something like this? It was a stab in my heart to hear her tell me he is going through this but I did not let on how serious I knew it was, nor did I make light of it.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2021

    You may want to put this in one of the border chat areas for more traffic, ut from what I under stand, prostate is favorable like breast. They get the big needle Zoladex injections and its managed similar to breast bone mets. Decent OS statistics and I seem to always read stories of men dying with prostate cancer rather than from as it can be slow growing. One met sounds like they could just radiate it and go from there, pile ladies would do with oligomets.

    I only know about this from reading widely on cancer sources in the UK and wondering at my bine nets which look much closer to what prostate vertebral mets look like than bc mets.

    Funny you should post this, I just had coffee with a friend who mentioned a female friend of his was just diagnosed with stage 4 primary liver cancer at 36. He doesn't know my status but he's late 30s and had a bit of a scared look on his face that this is the first point where cancer would invade his life bubble. Cancer is cruel and fairly random whatever you do.

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  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited June 2021

    Hi Divine

    I think the prognosis is much better with just one spot, like with BC (and like me). I knew someone, the husband of a friend who had died of BC, who had several lesions at diagnosis. He managed to have a pretty decent quality of life, working in his garden almost up to the end maybe 10 years later. He was an inspiration. I'm not so familiar with his treatment history, but towards the end he was in some kind of clinical trial where his drug dosing at each infusion was dependent on his blood markers that day. He was always happy to talk to me and I basically let him lead the conversation, not asking too many questions. But that may be a cultural thing.

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  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited June 2021

    There are a lot of men living with early stage prostate ca - sometimes it's hard to eradicate and 'cure' and they need ongoing treatment but they often end up dying of something else.

    Stage IV 5 yr survival is around 30%. It can be super aggressive and fast, just like some breast ca's. My twitter friend who's moved into hospice this week was dx'd late fall of 2017

    One thing that families usually don't discuss much but that it helps to be aware of is that it is not some/many prostate ca pts to become impotent and bladder incontinent or experience this during some periods of their treatments. It's a huge stressor which is invisible to others except partners.

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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited June 2021

    Earlier this year I talked with someone whose spouse was diagnosed with a serious cancer, stage 2/3. I shared the essay "The Median is not the Message" and we talked about how statistics do not predict an individual's future. This did help her. We know a lot about how to cope mentally and practically with the upheavals of cancer, and we can share these things. Also we can direct people to the NCCN patient guidelines and American Cancer Society web site etc. so they can get reliable information. My friend's family found these helpful.

    Given the similarities of breast and prostate cancer, I would suggest he ask about local treatment for that one bone met as an oligometastasis, and possibly get a second opinion at a major cancer center.

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited June 2021

    Thank you all for your comments. Moth, you are very perceptive. My friend alluded to intimacy issues with her husband. They've been married a long time, and I believe this is their first go-round with a serious health issue with one of them. I said, just take it a day at a time.

    Sondra, I can understand your friend's fear knowing someone who's 36 and diagnosed with stage iv liver cancer. It totally sucks. I know once I and people I knew hit 50, it seemed like DNA, lifestyle choices or randomness started to reach out and bite us in the physical health department. It's not fun, but sort of to be expected as we age. Younger than that seems so very cruel to me.

    Thank you, Shetland, for reminding me of the “Median is not the Message" article. I remember learning that concept soon after diagnosis and it was very helpful. He's an older, easy going fellow who always looks in great shape. Of course, we know things can deteriorate unexpectedly. I forgot to tell my friend not to scare herself consulting Dr. Google. I will mention it and the median article next time if it seems appropriate.

    Heidi, if my friend's husband lived at least 10 more years, he would truly be blessed.

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  • Bestbird
    Bestbird Member Posts: 2,818
    edited June 2021

    I am sorry to hear about your friend's husband's diagnosis, and hope it's permissible to share information you have not asked for in the hope that it may help your friend with her husband's situation.

    My husband was diagnosed via biopsy with aggressive prostate cancer several years ago. I conducted considerable research and found a study that concluded that 30 grams daily of freshly ground flaxseed consumption reduced Ki-67 (aggressiveness) values in men with the disease. https://scholars.duke.edu/display/pub743924

    So I put my husband on the regimen. Six weeks after the biopsy he underwent a prostatectomy, Upon examination, the cancer was determined to be at the low end of intermediate aggressiveness, which was a change from the aggressive cancer found earlier.

    We've kept my husband on ground flaxseeds daily ever since.

    I wish your friend's husband well.


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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited June 2021

    Bestbird, you are a trusted and reliable source of information in the area of various cancer treatments due to the thorough research you do on the subject, so I very much appreciate the insight you share about complimentary treatment of prostate cancer. I’m sorry to learn that your husband also had a cancer diagnosis and I hope the daily dose of ground flaxseed continues to serve him well. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience! I will see if my friend is open to this kind of information; she and her husband may want to do some research on the matter to find out if it could be right for him.

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  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited June 2021

    Wow, thanks for sharing that Bestbird! Crossing my fingers for your husband.

    Shetland, that "Median is not the Message* article was very helpful for me, too.

    I love your avatar, Divine!


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