Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

temerious,

I am so glad you posted! Here’s what I have to say about making plans at stage IV; you can only make decisions based on what you know today. That being said, I always try to make sure that all deposits are refundable and I buy travel insurance for folks like us who have pre-existing conditions. I’m an avid traveler myself, having been Peace Corps volunteer and a Pan Am flight attendant. As of yesterday I can say that I’m a retired teacher!

I don’t feel that my attitude toward bc can or should work for everyone. My intention is not to proselytize but just to help people understand that they shouldn’t put their feet in the grave before they have to. Take care

Thanks spookiesmom! I don’t think it will really hit me until late July when I don’t start preparing for the new school year. Right now I just need to decompress from the most unique school year ever (as well as the last third of last year!). I do plan on subbing to make a little extra money while I can and I really do adore being in the classroom but not full time 😉

Marie,

Thank you for your good wishes. I have no illusions that my school won’t be able to function without me. I leave behind many excellent teachers and support staff and have great confidence that my school will not only survive but thrive as it always has.

I know this is not specifically a place to rant but I must and it’s not bc related. I have just retired and will be 65 in September. I have noticed that a lot of my peers have become “old” not only in years but in a crazy backward looking way of viewing the world. This was particularly evident on a knitting forum I belonged to (not Ravelry, they are very forward looking!). As with bco, there are many threads devoted to things other than the main focus of the forum and most members skewed older rather than younger. Countless threads are devoted to things like terrible fashion, language, music, etc. among the young. Other threads trumpet the greatness of their or older generations, and of course youth and modern society are bad! Doctors are bad now, teachers are bad now, store clerks are bad etc. Only the way things were done when they were young are good. Sometimes dozens of pages are devoted to how awful generational change is!*Now, the reality is that I am not always thrilled with change either but… I was never told that life would remain the same. I assumed things would change. Isn’t that how we grow and develop as individuals, communities and society as a whole? And don’t even get me started on linguistic change! BTW, language is always in a state of change and that is what keeps it living. As far as I know no one says thee and thou anymore but language is very well equipped to handle change. Again, I don’t have to like change but I accept its inevitability.

The saddest part for me is that I find people who cling to the past to be the ones who truly get old and spend too much time looking backwards. My body may be old and it sure has taken hits due to bc, but my mind looks to the future not the past. I live in the here and now. Why do I feel like such an oddball among my peers?

* There we’re over 10 pages devoted to how awful the French tuck was (T-shirt or top only tucked into pants in the front). Young folks were roasted for it while many posters trumpeted the virtues of their neat and tidy style. Really? Did they truly believe that fashion/style would never change or that the young wouldn’t adopt styles that their elders didn’t like? I just don’t get why they thought life would never change

Yes, I keep quiet sometimes too. I always , from earliest memory, knew that most things in life changed over time and I also knew I might not like all those changes but change is inevitable. How do people not understand that? There’s been a fairly recent linguistic change that used to drive me up the wall but I noticed the last few times I heard it, it didn’t bother me as much. Adaptation, the key to survival !

I agree that reminiscing is great but what I’m talking about is how some folks just carp endlessly about how just about everything is bad nowadays but was absolutely wonderful in their youth. BTW, as the grandmother of three, my grandchildren and I find lots of things to do together to promote love, conversation and, of course, spoiling! How we establish these deep connections changes, no bean snapping here, but there are many, many ways to do so! I am fortunate that all of my grands live close by and I am a regular part of their lives. Everything changes over time. It always has and always will and even our most fervent wishes won’t bring yesterday back.

Positive,

You are most welcome! Although I hope my situation gives people hope, the reality is that folks like myself are rare and no one, including our mo’s, knows why. My greatest wish is have them figure out why a very small number of us defy the statistics. Take care

Camille,

Your attitude is healthy, normal and keeps you moving forward. My frustration is simply with those who complain, almost constantly, about how everything is awful now but was perfect during their youth. Unfortunately, despite their protests, life will advance and move on and some will be left behind simply for their refusal to move beyond what they were familiar with in their heyday. You don’t have to adapt to all changes but don’t shut the door on things that can enhance your life.

I have been thinking about this for a long time. The truth is, I feel like an oddball in the bc world, not because of my lengthy survival but because my mental/emotional state seems to be completely different than most. From the moment I was dx'ed and even when a few short weeks after surgery when my bone met was found, I have never:

- sobbed for hours or days

- been angry about my dx. Why would I be angry ? No one promised me that I would be immune to serious ailments. For the record, I lead a healthy lifestyle before my dx but I never thought that guaranteed a lifetime of good health.

- had problems eating, sleeping or functioning in my everyday life (except for recovery from surgery and pneumothorax)

- said,"Why me?" or felt that having bc was unfair in any way or had ruined my life (Changed it? Yes. Ruined it? No).

I have never believed that I was guaranteed or promised anything in life, even if I was a good person. I have tried to make good choices but in the end I fully understand that sh*t happens and there will always be things we have no control over. I believe that despite my best efforts all kinds of things both good and bad can happen to me.

Am I really such an oddball? I'm certainly not saying that I like bc, but I have always believed that we can't control all aspects of life and as such, bad things are as likely to happen to me as they are to anyone.Lately, I have felt the weight of time lay heavy on my shoulders. I can't help but think that since I hit the 10 year mark, my clock is really ticking down. I have never “said” any of this out loud before but have thought about it for years because when people talk about sobbing, not eating/sleeping , being angry, etc. I wonder why I don’t feel those things. I am perfectly happy with the way I’ve dealt with bc but I really feel like an odd bird.