It’s my own fault

Margo, welcome to BC.org! We're sorry you find your self here and waiting, but you've come to a wonderful, supportive place for doing so. We're sure that many, many members here can understand what you're feeling right now, and hope they'll be able to give you some support and advice soon.

Good luck with biopsy. We hope that next few weeks go by quickly and keeps you busy! We'll be thinking of you!

The Mods

Margo, you almost described me to a tee with your post. Please do not blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. BC happens, it takes time to grow, so even if we had gone in sooner doesn't mean the staging or treatment plan would end up any different. I find in most cases, the treatment is the same, so that's when I stopped kicking myself in the arse! Right? What if I was diagnosed stage 1 instead of 2? My treatment would be the same. Once you get the info on what you are dealing with you should just focus on the road ahead and let the past go. If any medical professional treats you with any sort of judgement, then go find another. I'm glad the radiologist was reassuring. That's being professional.

My sister is metastatic. Diagnosed in late 2014. I should have been going way back then! That year my Dad died and I was taking care of Mom. Mom passed in 2015, then my mother in law and father in laws situation changed, and like you caring for your husband, I was caring for family as well. I wonder if the stress threw off my hormones? Anyway, as you see I finally went for a physical with a new GP (since I didn't have one!) And the journey started. I have health anxiety too, but it has gotten a little better.

I hope that helps you, you are not the only one. You will not and should not be treated any differently. I hope in time you will go forward and not blame yourself. Best wishes to you. Let us know how it goes. Sorry you had to join.

Margo221,

I have done imaging religiously starting from 35. Last one was November 2020. They didn't find anything. I felt a lump in January 2021 and here I am. Even if you would have done all the imaging, there is always a chance that at the time it can't be seen.

I’m another one. I didn’t like the image facility my insurance said to use. So wouldn’t go for Mamo. Got new PCP, said something is going on, do I have to go there? He said go here instead. Yep, stage 3, grade 3.

Guilt? Maybe a little. But then, instead of poor, stubborn me, why not me? It’s a crap shoot. If not cancer, then something else.

You don’t have to be brave, you just have to show up. If you’re anxious or can’t sleep or function ask your PCP for some chemical help. Lots of ladies here do, and that’s ok too.

I had an appointment with my PCP in May of 2018. She nagged me to get a mammogram and a few other things I'd neglected. At that appointment, she did a breast exam and felt nothing. I had the mammogram just a week or so later and it showed a mass that turned out to be cancer. Remember, mammograms don't prevent cancer, they find it, so I'd have had cancer whether or not I'd had yearly mammograms.

Dear Margo221:

I never neglected my mammograms for the last 20 years.

Then, two years ago, I had papillary thyroid cancer with thyroidectomy, including removal of 3 central lymph nodes in my neck, which upon further analysis revealed a second primary cancer, namely breast cancer.

As a result, I subsequently had every test and scan imaginable, but breast cancer was not found in my breasts or elsewhere (this is called "occult" or "cancer of unknown primary").

Since diagnosis, I've had four PET scans with no evidence of disease, but due to the neck location of the breast cancer, my cancer is considered metastatic.

By the way, genetic tests, in my case, revealed no genetic mutations (so, it's "sporatic" cancer rather than "familial").

Margo, you can do absolutely everything by the book, including mamograms,ultrasounds, and MRI's, but diagnostic tests don't always show breast cancer. Please don't beat yourself up!

Hi Margo... I did regular mammo's... had several callbacks and 2 stereotactic biopsies on my right breast over the years. Then my left breast showed concerns, including on 2 callback diagnostic mammo's... My third sibling was dying of lung cancer, was weeks from the end and I was (as I had been) making frequent trips to Ohio to help and spend time with her.... The radiologist encouraged a biopsy that October though there was no way - had enough going on, all the others (diagnostic mammo and biopsies) on my other breast ended up being fine and I just needed to focus on my sister. Then COVID hit when I had my next 6 month follow-up diagnostic mammo - so extended to late June/early July 2020.... then biopsy... Stage 3, Grade 3 with comedo necrosis expected invasion (there was none thankfully). And it was DCIS which is certainly much better than any invasion soooooo.... it all worked out and I have no regrets - we can only be where we are.....(or were.....).

Still a chance yours comes back benign though smaller chance at this point.... so if not benign I hope it's something like a precancerous (still benign) condition or DCIS..... I'll validate your guilt while also want to convey it's (guilt) overrated..... You'll get through whatever this happens to be for you and we're here with you and for you!

Echoing everyone else here, please go easy on yourself. You are not to blame.

I went in for a lump in March 2017 at the age of 38. Nothing was seen, the doctor (who my husband had worked with for 20+ years) dismissed me because I was "too young". I walked out of there knowing something was wrong, but in the interest of my husband's job and wanting to be nice and pleasant as always, I did not follow up. 10 months later I was diagnosed stage 3C. I did everything I was supposed to and still ended up in the hot seat. Cancer is a tricky sob and imaging is not a perfect science.

Hang in there and take comfort in the fact you are in the right place now and all you can do is keep going. Sending big hugs.

Margo - I am so sorry you find yourself here, sick with worry.

I initially went to the doctor for a palpable lump two years before my diagnosis. I had mammo and ultrasound and everyone could feel it...but it didn't show up. Due to my age, the dr said I'm too young for it to be cancer (I was 29 at the time) and he didn't recommend a biopsy. I trusted his expertise and never went back for a check up, never got a second opinion...nothing. I was even a little embarrassed for making a big deal out of something that was obviously nothing (or so I thought at the time).

I partially blame the dr, because he should have never told someone they can't get cancer because they're too young...but I share that blame as well, because I could have pushed for more or sought another dr. Either way, I can understand what you're going through. Don't beat yourself up over it...that'll make everything so much more difficult for you. You need to be kind to yourself. Even if you had done the mammograms all those years, there's no way you can know for sure that it would have even been picked up anything concerning.

Annabelle - looks like we have similar stories!