Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

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I just saw the press conference with John and Elizabeth Edwards. They said she has a recurrence in her bones, and that it is incurable. It hit me really hard too. She has to be on Chemo for the rest of her life. I know that she was diagnosed as Stage III like some of us. It is heartbreaking, and my prayers go to her.

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I don't think she needs to be on chemo the rest of her life. I read that they'll check the cancer for hormone receptors and if they are positive, she'll go on hormone therapy. I'm sure there are tons of different reports on what her treatment will be.

It sure is scary though. She had lumpectomy, chemo and rads 3 years ago and now had bone mets. I'm so sad for her and all of us. This disease is awful!

DH and I are going out for a bite to eat before my next tx tomorrow. Have a good evening everyone.

Lynn

Hi all,

So nice to read these posts -
Mary - nice avatar.
skye - I'm also Her2neu+ - we have to be positive - the HERA trials and other recently released studies show Herceptin to be the magic bullet for many - and I intend to be among those high rate survivors.
Jan- love that lobster. My dh was in Halifax a few years ago and brought one home on the plane to Toronto - that was alot of fun cooking it in the big pot - enjoy!!
shorti - thanks for the compliment - I do enjoy the 2 wigs I have, but as it gets warmer I think I'll start wearing scarves as well.
Mizsissy - thanks for keeping our spirits up - I'll look forward to Life after Chemo on May 10th - then I'll be counting down for life after Herceptin, which for me should be June 2008? But I will happily take it.
Lynn- good luck tomorrow - March 23 is my eldest daughter's 21st birthday, so good vibes are coming your way. If I recall a Happy Birthday is in order for you on Saturday...
Regarding Elizabeth Edwards, this is sad for her and her family, and of course brings that fear back for all of us - but let's be positive ladies - we are being treated a couple of years after her - hopefully with newer chemos. drugs like Herceptin and Tykerb etc. there is every hope for a good prognosis for everyone. I wish her all the best - and pray for many years of NED.
Hugs to all,
Caya

It's been quite a while since I've posted, but I have kept up with everything you have written. I finished my last AC almost two weeks ago, and the last treatment was an interesting experience. I was able to work the day after chemo, Thursday I crashed and Friday I dealt with students at home. They either called or came by my house. It worked out okay. So, last Saturday my husband, daughter and I left for Utah: 18 hours of driving. I slept on the backseat of the minivan most of the time, but actually drove about 150 miles of the 1000 miles. It was so tiring, but it was worth it, because I saw my new grandson, and I have been playing with my other two. I am still in Utah, and it has been fun. It especially has been interesting to see how the two grandkids react to my bald head. It's been the target of many stickers, and there is a head check before I leave the home bald. The two year old doesn't even question things, the 4 year old prays every night that grandma can stop taking her medicine soon, so the hair can come back.
I had the most wonderful visit on my birthday. The mother of my sister in law has stage 4 lung cancer, which has mestatized to her bones. She's been on chemo for so long, but last January she was allowed to get off it. There is no end to chemo for her. She's just given a break. However, I have never met a more positive and inspiring person. I loved talking with her. We exchanged experiences, and she too mentioned the acid reflux. My acid reflux has gotten so bad that I have even thrown up this episode. I used to take Nexium, but the co-pay was $95 for 3 months. Now I use omeprazole, and it does the job for $15 for 3 months. The other thing that has made me thrown up a number of times is my cough. Since my friend has lung cancer, and the reason she found out was a persistent cough, I will have the doctor check out this 8 week old cough. Just want to make sure. One other thing that has happened in this 4th AC is a white coating on my tongue. I thought it might be thrush, but my daughter, a nurse, said it was not. She thinks it's dead cells, and that might very well be the case, because the taste is sure awful, and today I tried a cinnamon candy to get rid of the taste, and it burned. I had to spit it out. I'm sure I dehydrated myself these last days, but today I decided, no matter how bad the water tastes, I am drinking it. And I succeeded.
Oh, another thing my friend mentioned was licorice. It hides the bad taste, and I thought I was imagining things because I'm Dutch and it is the most favorite candy in the country. Luckily my mom is sending a couple of pounds.
I did read about Elizabeth Edwards. CNN said it was stage 4. I was thinking about recurrence today, and I remembered something I learned in my 7 Habits of Successful People class (a Stephen R. Covey seminar that is just great). There are things that are within your control and there are things that are not. Don't worry about the things that are not, because there is absolutely nothing you can do about. And that's the way I feel. My example is my good friend who has death staring her into the face each day. Each day she wakes up and thinks "Oh, goody, I have another day." So, dear friends, don't worry about the future, just enjoy today. On that note, my first Taxol is next Tuesday and they will come every other week. I'm halfway.

Mizsissy,

I'm up early, couldn't sleep and so I cam down to read the posts - I hope I didn't wake up DH and DD from laughing so hard at yours - your MIL sounds like a real winner!! Does she also know that MILs who treat their DILs badly often are never spoken to again by their sons? My MIL is usally pretty self absorbed, but I do have to say that since my diagnosis she really has been supportive and says she prays for my complete recovery every day. She still can phone 8 -10 days a day to bug DH about the dumbest things, but hey, she's 87 - and a colon cancer survivor herself.
Hope everyone has a good day, I'll check in later.
Caya

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My MIL likes to remind me of two things: (1) that 80% women who have cancer are deserted by their husbands, and (2) that hospice is waiting for me.

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That is absolutely disgusting Mizsissy. Avoid this ghoul at all costs...I am depressed just thinking that someone I care about has to be NEAR that kind of energy!

Robertin I am so glad that you went to Utah. There is nothing more therapeutic than little kids! Oh...and I keep a bag of black jellybeans next to my computer for when my mouth tastes particularly foul. YUM. I adore licorice, and I am NOT dutch!

Rebecca,

Actually my Hebrew name is Tzivia Leah - I was named after my great uncle Charles (Tzvi) and my great aunt Leah - My real name is Caryn, spelled that way because my 19 year old mother (in 1958) was "fancy" and wanted my name to start with "C" to honour Charles. I go by the name Caya (on these boards), because when my youngest brother Richard who is 8 years younger than me started to talk, he called my Caya - so this is name my family nickname. To this day, Richard, now a chiropractor and father of 2 himself, still calls me Caya, or even Cay, for short.
I have thought about taking a new name too - I can't use Chaya tho, because dd #2's name is Chaya Bina - Cassie Beth. I've thought about Shira (song) because I am a singer and enjoy singing in my synagogue choir- we perform at retirement homes, hospitals etc. Of course I am hiatus from the choir for now.
I'm not too upset at not doing a seder this year - although I do enjoy it - I just hope i'll feel okay to go to at least one of them - I have my first Taxotere infusion next Thursday, only 4 days before Monday, the first seder night. I guess I will see how I am.
I can't wait for this BC treatment stuff to end either.
Have a good one gals.
Hugs
Caya

Yesterday was a depessing day for me, sorry to be so negative. YES, MIL is quite a character. She recently was highly instrumental in engineering the divorce of my DH's younger brother; the poor woman was devastated because she had thought of MIL as her "best friend." What a turncoat. Well, younger brother wasted no time finding another wife on the internet, a very unpleasant, unattractive person, quite overweight, which is fine with MIL, because she now as a DIL who does not compete with her in any way (for the first time she is slightly thinner than a DIL). New SIL has very greedy, conniving eyes and calls younger brother her "Ken Doll"...she looks old enough to be his grandmother. DH insisted on sending them one of my best paintings as a wedding present; we never even got an acknowledgement, much less a thank you. On our last visit from MIL, she tells us that new SIL *knows* I dislike her, even though I have *never* spoken to her.

So now DH's parents are planning a big family get together this summer and are trying to coerce everyone into coming. Of course, DH and I don't want to waste a lot of time traipsing across the country in order to participate in this very unpleasant social event, kind of like a modern day Shakesperean play where MIL is the reigning queen. We were told by his parents that whether we wanted to or not, I needed a little bit of a "challenge." I immediately responded that I've been through chemo, I don't need any more challenges!!!!!!

I think the reason I got BC was another unpleasant, stressful family reunion that occurred a few months before my diagnosis!!!

Actually, I had a few very good potential MILs who I was very close to before this one came along, but I got the man I wanted!!!

Caya, it is so nice to see you and Mer as actually real, living women. I've recently decided to wear a wig too, I was getting tired of those bangs. I have one on today where I was actually able to get a french braid going in the back that looks kind of realistic..maybe graduating to a wig is a good way to get over chemo!

Yes, I have problems with MIL, but MIL's mother and I were very close, bosom buddies. I loved her as much as my own grandmother who had been gone for many years. Now she and MIL did not get along, so that created some interesting intra-generational dynamics, because MIL's mother and I were much closer than they were. My wonderful grandma-in-law lived to be 95 and passed away two years ago. The last time I visited her, her mind was going a bit, and she made the mistake of introducing me to her friends as her real granddaughter...I was very flattered. Last summer, she came to me in a dream and warned me that I was in great danger..then I was dx'd last fall!

I guess the first thing that came to mind when I was dx'd and didn't know what would happen, was that when it was my time to go, at least I had some good company waiting!!

Mizsissy

Hi Ladies,

Just checking in real quick. Had #4 today and am amazed at how yucky I feel already. Onc did say I can take the Zofran every 8 hours instead of 12 hours. I think I feel better after I eat but I don't feel like eating.

Anyway, back to the couch, have a good evening!

Lynn

Good evening ladies,

I had to chime in when Mizsissy and Nancy relayed their dreams. I did not have any dreams, but I have had 2 signs from my late father who passed away 15 years ago at age 59 from a heart attack (and I always that my heart would get me)... When I came home from my mastectomy, the gift baskets were coming at a fast and furious rate. A beautiful red leather box came - (red was my dad's favourite colour) - and among all the chocolates and dried fruit was a little stuffed animal - a cat - My father used to call my two daughters "ketzies" when they were little - this is Yiddish slang for cat- I knew that was his way of telling me he was watching over me.( I sleep with that cat in my bed every night now). So I privately prayed to my father and said, Dad, please send me another sign that I will be okay. So the next night I was dozing on the couch watching TV, and a character on a TV show was naming all his past girlfriends, Marg, Joni, Lisa, Joanne etc. and the last name he called out, in the loudest voice was "Cookie". I bolted out of my chair, because my father called me "Cookie" since I was a baby. I just knew that was my father again.
Mizsissy - Enjoy wearing your wigs. Lovely story about your grandma-in-law.
Jan- so glad you had a good day. Your daughter sounds like a great kid.
Lynn, and anyone else who had a treatment, I hope you are feeling okay and have a good weekend.
Joni, good luck on Monday.
Will look in tomorrow, love this board.
Caya

I was at the MD's office almost 3 hours this AM. First lab (all is good), vitals (lost 1 1/2 pounds this week) and then a visit with the NP who then had to wait to consult with the MD who decided she really did need to speak with me herself. She's not going to be in the office next Friday and a final decision on what comes next needed to be made. Dr. B was completely booked so I had to wait while they squeezed me in. It was important enough that I didn't mind the wait too much.

We had much discussion about my SE. She says I'm not critical or acutely ill, just miserable. Except for the fainting spell on Monday which has her concerned about my heart but I refused to consider wearing a cardiac monitor right now. Let's just finish the chemo, darn it. I promised to report any cardiac problems I notice or get myself to the closest ER.

However the SE are enough she does think a change would be to my benefit. She doesn't want Taxol as that has greater neuropathy problems and I'm already experiencing neuropathy. "I'd like to leave you with no lasting ill effects from all of this." There's another Taxane drug usually used for mets. BC (not me) but can be a problem getting insurance approval.

I asked about just decreasing the dosage of the Taxotere. She agreed that a reduction of 15% will still provide all the benefit and hopefully a better tolerance. She wouldn't have wanted to reduce if there were more than just the two treatments left.

She was going to write the orders today so they'll be ready next week. And on I go.

After all that time at the doctor's I only worked two hours this afternoon. I just got too tired. I think I'll find it hard to work full days again. I'm going to get used to these casual hours.

I'm a little befuddled tonight. After an hour's rest this afternoon I went to dinner with friends and then to a concert. It's been a long day and I pushed the limits of my endurance. But I can lounge in bed and be a slug tomorrow.

I am feeling hopeful that the end of treatment is coming. I will endure and continue to be blessed by the mercy and grace that has guided this journey. I just need to remember to look for it. Look out and up instead of in all the time.

Happy weekend, all!

Woohoo, it's Spring in the Heartland!! Yeah!!!!!!!

I suffered for many years with my MIL. She was Jewish and I was not so that didn't get us out to a good start. I decided that when my sons bring over potential DIL's that I would be the nicest MIL they ever saw. So we can learn from our experiences.

Hi all,
Greetings from lovely LaCrosse, Wisconsin, it has been SO good to get out of Dodge. We had quite a hike up a hill to find some ancient platform pyramids yesterday, I doubt my onc would approve but I enjoyed it. Just had to chime in with my own dream thing..my departed dad came to me in a dream to warn me about my dh's cancer before his dx of prostate cancer last year-- and my dh had no symptoms whatsoever -- but he didn't warn me about mine! Also I have started having hair dreams, first seeing myself with long brown hair but a goofy hairdo and then with short red hair. Also, for three nights after the first Taxol treatment I dreamed all night long that there were grids overlaid on my dreams, "raking" putrefied matter and separating it from good stuff, as if recording my body trying to deal with the chemo and dead cells.
Finally, on the subject of names, I thought you might get a kick out of knowing where my Skye Divine moniker came from. For years, my best friend who is an editor at a Chicago-based magazine and I have had a standing joke that our true ambition in life was to be Hooters waittresses but we weren't well enough endowed, so we made up our Hooters waittress names in case we ever got the chance. Mine is Skye Divine. How ironic that I'm now using my Hooters name as a handle on a breast cancer board! Life is funny. - Skye

IowaCindy, I am SO GLAD you're feeling better. I think you just got really weak. I hope you can buck up for those final two treatments. Remember, eat healthy and get that body MOVING. It will help. And just think, in just about two weeks you'll join the graduates....

Amera, don't tell me they gave you Zoloft *just* for a few days around in infusion?!!! Really?!!! Hope you get over the last infusion quickly, but it may take time. I am now out of the fog; I still have my infection problems, but I see a urologist tomorrow. I won't feel done until that's gone!!! I have been exercising for about 4 days and that makes me feel better than anything. Onto RADS in two weeks!!! Ack!!!