Supporting a spouse

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WifeofBCMan
WifeofBCMan Member Posts: 2
edited April 2021 in Male Breast Cancer

Hi all, not sure how many folks are around - the male breast cancer board seems pretty quiet - but thought I'd say hi. My early 40s husband had a mastectomy three weeks ago, still has the drain in place, recovering pretty well overall. It's all just pretty surreal, for both of us. Usually he's the stalwart of the relationship, and now is no different. Those men that have been through this - any tips on how to help?

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited March 2021

    I don't seem to have much luck tagging people, but Traveltext is a male member here and is very helpful to all of us, no matter what sex we are. I hope he'll stop by.

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  • flashlight
    flashlight Member Posts: 698
    edited March 2021

    HI WifeofBCMan, My husband doesn't have BC, but has recently gone through 2-serious surgeries. What I found out is they hold everything in and get frustrated. I know for me it took me some time to deal with my feelings after being diagnosed. Just be there, as I know you are, but be aware there is a period of depression or taking time to feel like your old self. I just felt I was turning the corner this past Feb. Best wishes.

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  • abigailj
    abigailj Member Posts: 145
    edited March 2021

    Hi WifeofBCMan - same situation as flashlight- my husband was stunned to learn he had kidney cancer 2 years ago - no cancer in his immediate family, he had a history of kidney stones and the one which developed the tumor was already atrophic and had to be totally removed. He didn’t actually talk about his feelings (how scared he was before the surgery, worried it his remaining kidney would be able to keep up until a good 6 months afterwards (after his first post surgery labs and sonogram of remaining kidney) when he had some reassurance he’d manage ok with the one and nothing else was wrong. He was kind of down, not himself until after he cleared that hurdle

    So I suggest letting him find his voice about this in his own timeand just be your normal, caring self. Hope your husband has good healing physically and mentally!


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  • Stevo10
    Stevo10 Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2021

    Hey

    Just come across this post. I too have struggled to find male related forums for breast cancer that are that active. I suspect its relative rareness is why.

    I am having a mastectomy next Friday having been through six months of chemo prior. I am 40 years old too. So far so good, I am daunted by next week but I’m holding on to the belief that anything must be better than these last few months of chemo.

    Happy to connect and chat and share experiences. It’s bloody awful of course and my wife and I still in shock l think.

    Take care

    Steve

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited April 2021

    Welcome, Steve. We certainly understand how disheartening it can be to not find a place you can feel supported, and we hope that our community serves that need for you as you continue down this road.

    The Mods

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  • OnTarget
    OnTarget Member Posts: 447
    edited April 2021

    I have BC and my male friend has colon cancer. He has found it helpful to talk to me (female) as well as a therapist. He's used to holding things in, but he's done well by talking it out.

    I understand that some men may want to connect to other men and not women, so maybe there are opportunities to connect with men with other types of cancer? Chemo sucks for everyone, and commonalities can be found.

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  • MSWife
    MSWife Member Posts: 39
    edited April 2021

    Hi there!

    Sorry to hear about your hubby's diagnosis.

    I'm in a similar situation - my 53 year old husband has been diagnosed with stage 3b (for now) IDC (see details below).

    Looking for success stories

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