My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

I am not just tired of the covid but frustrated that the wrong people are being vaccinated right now. It is younger people getting it and filling up ICUs now. Should be vaccinating everyone working with the public next while we are in lockdown. Lockdown should be tighter than it is until most people are vaccinated.

Biggest thing for me is that media is not letting people know that vaccination won't mean you cannot get covid and still pass it on. It just means most likely no ICU or death though it can still be passed on. I feel like people need to know that until everyone is done.

Overall I am only bothered about store owners being helped by the government but still want a long enough lockdown to wipe the virus away and hurry with vaccines so less chance of death and icu.

Booboo, I’m sorry to hear your scan news. Has a biopsy been done to confirm for sure? Are you looking at a treatment change or surgery for the liver mets?

All, I’m in pockets too. I’m out of my big bag of starbursts, so I’m offering fresh fruit until I find some discounted Easter candy.

Laurie so sorry to hear about your results. I think you can make it to PA. You can get gate assistance and let them wheel you through the airport. Just if you want to they will accommodate your needs. Saying prayers for you. Please consider Maes biopsy advice.

Runor I hope your appointment goes well and that it’s a fibroid situation and nothing more.

Mel sorry your holiday was empty. I hope your DD and SIL are feeling better.

My sister and her family were in town this past weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed their company. I wore my mask bc although my DS and BIL had vaccines everyone else didn’t. I did get to eat out with my brothers etc. it was the best weekend I had in a long time.

I’m in for support for all these scans. I have a PET on the 27th.

Tany

Booboo- I am sorry to hear of the progression to your liver. Multiple mets or a few? Size? I know you are getting your thoughts/questions together for your MO. Local treatment? Change in systemic treatment? Biopsy? Deep breathe and take time to take it in, then dig deep for strength and see what is next. Hugs.

oh laurie, I'm sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you

Booboo, I am so sorry. So not the news you hoped for. I know too what you mean when you say you don't know how to feel. Today was a beautiful day. Things are getting ready to green up, the sun was out people were going about life as if they hadn't a care in the world and I looked around and felt not part of it. Removed. Cut off. Isolated. In all this beauty and promise death is a looming reality. How DO you feel when that is the case? How DO you act? What DO you do? I don't frickin know. Booboo, this sucks and you make perfect sense. 

Elderberry, I do have anxiety meds and I plan to use them. I see no virtue in suffering. So far I have gone to bed and dropped right off thanks to anxiety induced exhaustion. If my anxiety meds fail, my back up plan is the horse tranquilizer in the tack shed. That shit will put me out of the game until next month!

Tanya, with you for that scan and the long wait until then. Hugs, love and light to all. 

Finally, my province is doing a province wide shut down, closing ALL non essential businesses except for carry out services and also limiting big box stores to selling groceries which is good. Now we just need to get people vaccinated who work in stores and factories and out in public so the ICU and deaths are lowered. I am encouraged that my government FINALLY did this. They should have done it weeks ago. It is the only way to keep people out of stores except for essentials.

I have my infusion today but in the morning which is good. Gives an hour long walk and I may or may not walk this afternoon as well instead of falling asleep post infusion. Will be very busy there due to being closed on Good Friday and Easter Monday. They have to fit at least 5 days of people into 4 days which is no easy feat.

If anybody needs it today, in your pockets and thinking positive thoughts for Laurie and Runor as well as Mel. Hope I am not missing anyone.

Aw, thanks Mel and all for your encouraging words. I have been combing through the liver mets blog to see what I can learn about it. It seems like it’s not an immediate death sentence to have liver mets, so I’ll push forward until my call with my MO tomorrow. I just wish there was a playbook about this disease and how progression works. But that’s impossible since we are all so different.

I did cancel my trip to PA. I’m just not up to traveling right now. I’ll hopefully reschedule sometime next month.

Candy,

It was questionable on my last scan but confirmed on this most recent scan. So the liver is a new dx.

Well, I just finished another Zoom "Gentle Yoga" class. Previous one was last Wednesday and I posted about my frustration. I wanted to try it again. Still cannot do some poses--- Left shoulder hurts and cannot sit with legs crossed. So I didn't do some of the poses. Cannot really say that I feel much different after it is over. When we do the relaxation exercises I really am aware of all the places I hurt-neck, spine, hips, back, knees, shoulders, feet. Haha. I am one ball of pain. But, I will keep trying. Next yoga class is next Wednesday, but I have another appt so I cannot attend. I may log on to Chicagoan's yoga she posted. I did that one once already and can try it again.

Yoga is supposed to help, right?

Yes yoga should help pain.

Well, I had nice nuses in the chemo suite. It is extra busy due to easter. The pharmacy took 3 hours to mix as they were so backed up

Read an ebook, listened to music then they unhooked me so I could go for a walk. Walked 20 mins up and down halls. Went all the way to the other side of the place and it is a large place. Enjoyable walk.

yoga improves balance flexibility and core strength. But it's not fast or magic. It takes time.. I think actually that's one of the main lessons of yoga - patience. Take the time to watch and observe and feel your body, your breath. I've been doing yoga badly on & off for decades. I was blessed early on to take a class with an instructor who I think was in her 70s who by then had arthritis and simply couldn't do certain poses but she had been very well trained & doing it all her life. Her class really cemented in my mind the understanding that yoga is not about doing a pose 'right'. It's about showing up and trying to connect to the body.

I'm still dealing with mild pneumonitis. My MO is away now for a 3 month research sabbatical so I'll be talking to my temp MO later today. My immunotherapy yesterday was cancelled pending our discussion today about whether the shortness of breath warrants treatment with steroids again (in which case we have to hold immunotherapy for the next several rounds) or if we can just monitor.

My blood work is a bit off. Hgb & albumin falling just a bit below norm and my CA15.3 jumped up a bit from 3 weeks ago. Otoh, I just had my Pfizer vax and heard inflammation to raise it? On the plus side, WBC is fine so I can get chemo tomorrow

I'm a year on first line tx and in mTNBC that's pretty great/unusual, so now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, kwim? I will have a CT & bone scan sometime at the end of the month.

elderberry, sort of! I did paclitaxel March - Nov, then switched to nab-paclitaxel & have been on that ever since. So yes,just over a yea now on a taxane. But they consider the 2 essentially same so still 1st line. & we switched not due to progression but because my Roche clinical trial stopped & their evidence based recommendation was a switch to nab-pacli.

Elderberry, there is a Death and Dying thread that is for stage 4 members only. They DO get upset if non-stage 4 post there. Moderators chime in and ask non stage 4 to not post there. We can read but not supposed to post. I understand stage 4 wanting their own place as you say, the ticket has been punched and the situation is different. However, everyone thinks about death and I think it's a needed discussion for anyone who feels the need to ponder this topic. I have not been able to find such a thread, but it might be there and I'm just too inept to locate it. I hope your prediction for me is correct, wouldn't that be wonderful?  

runor- I understand that cancer in general may be terminal. I mean, pancreatic or liver or brain, but this site is Breast Cancer.org. And the only ones of Breast cancer that are terminal are Stage 4. I hear so many times "You don't die from early stage breast cancer, it is Stage 4 that kills". I think what you are looking for is a cancer site that deals with all cancers--- pancreatic, lung, brain, uterine. Then you could discuss/vent about dealing with a terminal cancer situation and what you want for your future and a Plan B. I don't know if what you seek will be with this site.

moth- I am going to give Yoga a try. My Palliative care people suggested it. Non-pharmacological intervention. But this is "gentle yoga". Some of it is "chair yoga". Mainly stretching. Rolling shoulders. Rolling neck in a circle. Raising arms above head. Bending over to stretch lower back. Not the yoga I first thought of where you do the "downward dog" or twist around on a mat or stand on 1 leg.

Patience-- haha. I have none. That is the part I like the least. "Concentrate on your breathing. Concentrate on your eyes, eyebrows, throat. Let yourself relax. Feel your breath come from your toes". I cannot do that. My mind wanders. I guess I am not good at meditation and the such.