Apparently I Am "Just Diagnosed." :(

Hey there Jana! Hope you are doing well these days. My chemo schedule at MDA seems to have permanently migrated to League City. I'm not really happy about that but I'm sure they are trying to get everyone scheduled somewhere so I'll just take it as it comes. I have an ultrasound later this month at Mays, I assume to see how things are progressing. Take care.

Hey -2. Yes, I will be having dose-dense AC after Taxol, then a mastectomy, then radiation. I get the "full monte." That is pretty much the standard for IBC. I'm dreading AC because I know it will be harder than Taxol, but we gotta do what we gotta do!

I don't like the League City facility as much as Mays or the main MDA building, but I suppose that's a small thing in the grand scheme. This week I had to have blood work at Mays, meet with my MO there, then drive to League City for the chemo...ugh. That was a long day. Most times the lab work is done at the same place as chemo but I guess since I had my meeting with the doctor they did it there.

Hope things are going well for you.

Hey there Astrid. I hope all is well with you. I'm feeling pretty good these days and so glad the initial anxiety has settled down. These 2 months seemed like years to me. Take care.

Thanks -2, Astrid, and Jana. " /> I hope you all know how much it means to me to have your support through this. It's so easy to get discouraged and fearful if I let myself "go there." Some days stark reality sets in and I'm forced to think about what's ahead, then I'm overwhelmed. Cancer SUCKS.

So I'm officially HALF done with Taxol! Next week I have an ultrasound on Wednesday, the day after chemo #7. Makes me a little nervous; I hope to get good news as far as the effect of the treatment, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

A lady got to ring the bell during my treatment today; that's the first time I've seen that. She was crying and it was a poignant moment to see. I don't believe I will ring that bell when my treatment is over; I'm superstitious about tempting fate.

In other news, I ordered a cheap hair clipper from Amazon; it's time to get over the hair whining and I'm sick of picking hairs off of every surface in this house. I wore a scarf to chemo today to hide the big bald spots. Baby steps!!!

Hey there, Astrid. Hope you're doing well these days and are safe from those terrible floods. I appreciate the prayers and good wishes; scans can be so dang terrifying.

Thanks, -2. I thought I could deal with the pixie cut but it's just making me crazy(er), so tomorrow is buzz day. Honestly I don't have much left to buzz.

I'm glad you aren't in the flood zone, Astrid. Oh... the buzz. Somehow that hasn't happened yet after all. My husband asked if I was ready and all at once I wasn't. So I'm still looking like a duckling with mange. I feel so ugly.

Tomorrow I have Taxol #7, and I have a visit with my MO. Then on Wednesday I have an ultrasound and an appointment with the surgical oncologist. So the Never-Ending Anxiety is back. I'm really nervous about the US... what if the chemo isn't working?? And of course I have been avoiding thinking about the mastectomy, but apparently the surgeon has other ideas. I'm so scared.

Thank you, SBElizabeth. I know that most people here can totally relate to The Dark Place, which makes it a soft place to land. Since I don't feel like a sick person it's easy to coast along for days without CANCER! thoughts. Then I get notice of the upcoming ultrasound and WHAMMO!, back to the dungeon of my mind.

Also dreading the consult with the surgeon. I thought I'd cruise through the mastectomy since "GET THEM OFF!!" was my first thought when diagnosed, but the closer that gets the more I realize that I don't want to be mutilated after all. Hell, I just don't want any of this but after winning the What's My Diagnosis? lotto my life is not my own.

Losing my hair has just been the most devastating thing. Who'd have thought that something so minor would make me feel so bad. I can only imagine my despair when the boob is removed. I feel like a freak now so how will I deal with my uni-boob? I guess I just don't think a hat and some eyeliner are going to work for me; I'm stuck in a low spot these days. If I get bad news on Wednesday I might sink to the absolute bottom.

I do appreciate your words of support; I'm just not ready to pull those big girl panties back on yet. I'm going to wallow in self-pity for a while.

Well, that was random. I met with my oncologist today and in the course of the conversation, I asked why I was having the ultrasound tomorrow. He looked puzzled and said, "I haven't scheduled any ultrasound." So I showed him MyChart with the appointment and he said it wasn't time for that; it will be scheduled after I finish Taxol and was likely a "scheduling error". The appointment with the surgical oncologist is also postponed until that time.

I'm really glad I mentioned that. Nothing like having a pointless, expensive scan that no one needs at this point.

So woohoo, no scan tomorrow and no surgical appointment!!

Thanks so much, Harley07. People like you make this nightmare a little more bearable, and I sincerely appreciate it.