Not diagnosed but worried.

Hello all I can't believe I'm actually writing here but holding inside, as know one knows is hurting my psych.

Im 50 years old , diagnosed SLE age 11, born with connective tissue problems, diagnosed prinzmetal angina 12 years ago so used to severe health issues over the years.

8 years ago breast fna biopsy showed high suspicion of cancer, a very hard calcified lump, and lymph large so went straight for excision. Surgeon I know well, trained under him ( nurse) so he told me after that it looked nasty and to expect cancer. Anyway he always talked to me like fellow nurse so when it came back benign, he told me he was surprised. Was just atypical hyperplasia. So ofcourse I got the paranoias as I and ALL who know him hold him in high regard as breast surgeon lol. Lymph was just being deceptive, with 2 joining together to appear large. Sentient lymph matted to others.

2 years later another one removed other breast but local this time as close to surface, another atypical hyperplasia solid and cystic mass.

So 5 weeks ago I was in severe pain with sprained ribs, really severe pain...happens in my sleep due to my disease....so I put my arm up trying to get relief , my breast had a sharpe nerve pain, then I felt it so much bigger than the previous. Went to dr way more distressed about being in such pain and she felt lump too. So different to the others. It's at least 4 cm in one direction so takes up a huge percentage of my smaller breasts. Very hard but hopefully just a cyst. My dr refered me for urgent within 2 weeks 5 weeks ago but I have to wait another 4 weeks.

I'm just writting here as bent over this morning and felt it that way for the first time, shocked it's too much of my breast feels revolting needs to go anyway.

I stopped doing bse 1 1/2 years ago after traumatic event...silly me even though it's likely to be benign.

I worry years on lupus drugs that have kept me alive but increase chance of cancer could affect my situation. But that's lymphoma mostly, my father had that, survived stage 3, and I never worry about that re myself.

Guess it's because I'm shocked at the size of this, and I have another 4 weeks to wait to get rid of it. Ugh no friends know, my adult kids no way, no family so thank you for providing this platform,

Not wanting to bother ladies who have actual cancer ! Just wanting to connect with those in my situation of the horrendous waiting lounge experience, God bless xxx