Starting Chemo in JAN 2007
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Hi all,
I haven't posted for awhile, but I have been reading everyone's posts. Oh, the embarrassing moments are fun aren't they? Atleast maybe we can all laugh about them someday.
About prosthesis, I went last week to get a silicone one and a new bra. It was fine until I got home and felt like a watermelon was hanging from my chest. I went back to the shop today and got a better one and an underwire bra, since I am huge.
I wasn't considering reconstruction either, but I don't know whether I feel like being uncomfortable either.
About the nose, mine is constantly running as are my eyes. The right eye doesn't stop.
People are constantly saying to me: You still have your eyebrows and eyelashes,you are lucky! I feel really, really lucky
Skye, love the red hair. It looks so natural!
Good luck to all who have treatments this week. I have my 4th of 6 TAC tomorrow, and am already on the steroids. I hope I sleep tonight.
ilene -
Oh ladies, I'm so frustrated. I've read your posts and can fully empathize with the prosthesis annoyances. I really don't like mine too much. I have a friend who's just mailed off a couple of titbits so I'm anticipating wearing those.
My frustration is with my Taxotere treatment. I had number 2 of 4 on Friday and it's not been a good ride. I went to bed at 3 PM on Sunday and got out of bed today at 2 PM. That included a fainting spell yesterday, after a quick cool bath. I continue to have some light-headedness. I've had increased neuropathy in my fingers. My bowels are working over time.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I really hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did not call the MD yesterday or today. I knew I wasn't strong enough to drive across the metro area to get to her office so I've stayed close to bed and have been monitoring myself. I'll call in the AM and speak to the nurse practitioner who took care of me on Friday. I want to report my problems to her so when I go in on Friday for lab work, maybe I can see the doctor and have a plan of what might happen in the future. I won't take another dose of Taxotere that makes me feel like this.
Honestly, I want to stop now. I'm really feeling wimpy and weak and overwhelmed. Somehow my warrior self-image has faded into the reality of chemo reactions.
Cindy.........who feels like the chemo is erasing her identity and strength -
Good evening everyone,
I've really enjoyed reading today's posts - I too have been suffering from runny nose - I bought some Kleenex boxes the other day that had the breast cancer pink ribbon all over them - I think it's the least Kleenex can do, since we all use it so much!!
Jan - thanks for the story about your friend in stage IV - gives us all some hope.
Skye, love the red wig, it looks really natural.
Amera and Rebecca, I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes, but I know that with Taxotere they will probably fall out, and then I will have to cope with the eyebrow pencil.
As for the prosthesis question, I have to tell you that mine is amazing - I had it fitted by a woman who has been doing this for over 20 years. She has a little shop built in the basement of her house and I drove 25 miles for my appointment with my best girlfriend and her cousin ( who had a double mastectomy 2 years ago) - It was a great experience, we went boob shopping. Dianne, the fitter, was terrific, and had such a selection of bras and camisoles - I was all set to do reconstruction, but my prosthesis and bras are so good that I will have to see. I'll see how it is over the summer. She is located in Brampton, Ontario (just west of Toronto) and has a website you can visit - it's www.diannesmastectomy.com .
Had a bit of a meltdown with my almost 18 year old daughter tonight, but we sorted it out. She has been through alot and I was almost expecting this to happen.
Hope everyone is doing okay
best to all
caya -
Hey Gals,
Ol' Red thanks you for the nice comments, I wore it out to dinner tonight and our old friends kept eyeing it so I finally just brought up the fact I'm bald and got it out of the way. I've had people ask where all I'm losing hair, too, other times. I do like not having to shave my legs. And I'm amazed I haven't lost any eyebrow hairs or lashes. My onc says he doesn't think I will now. Jan, thanks for the tip about keeping nails in ice water. I'm not sure when or how to do that, though. Can't when I'm typing, and then do you just sit on the sofa with a tub of ice water? Might be easier for the toenails. What's been keeping me going all winter is a really cute pair of sandals I bought on sale right after my dx at the end of November, knowing that I could wear them when my treatments are over. If I lose toenails, I won't be wearing any sandals!
Shey, congrats on the successful port surgery! You will be so pleased to have it when they are not digging painfully for your little veins. My surgeon told me they could not have treated me without a port.
Cindy, I don't know if Taxotere is exactly like Taxol, but I second your Argghh. It may not be as toxic as AC but it is its own form of torture. My bowels don't know what they are doing and seem to have given up entirely. I do hope you can get help with your SEs so you don't quit though, as I think the TX is still probably crucial. I do plan to ask my onc about Librax as someone suggested. We may be weak and wimpy but we are surviving. -Skye -
Thank you for the link Amera... so much what we all are going (or went) through... this young Kelly is terrific.
CatherineH -
I had my first "hair dream" last night. I had a beautiful head of thick, wavy, highlighted hair. Then I realized that it had just grown in the front. I was still completely bald in the back. I didn't care. I woke up so happy.
Is this called moving on or am I totally deluded? I read somewhere that hair product ads become like porn for women going through chemo. I still think about how I will wear my hair in the morning or wonder if I have enough time to wash and dry it before I go out. And then, of course, I remember that I have no hair to wash or dry or style. -
Hello all
I have not posted before, but have beeen reading all the posts since December. This board has helped greatly. I am done my 4 A/C each one different but tolerable. Hair loss yes, but it will grow back. Prosthesis does really suck, I just can not get used to it and may not. Good luck to all that have treatment this week.
Heb
Losing your hair means you are winning the battle! -
Good morning all! Cindy, your words brought tears to my eyes as that's where I was a few days before my last treatment. You're still in there and you will get through. All the SE, big and small can completely overwhelm after awhile.
My fingernails and toenails seem to be OK - maybe it's because it's been so cold here and my hands and feet are always cold! Silver lining in everything?
I spoke to a girlfriend on the phone last night - she lives in another city, so I've only seen her once since this started. Told her I was fine, but really tired. She was determined to blame it on something else - getting older etc. Finally I said, no it's the chemo - it effects your blood counts. I think the chemo fatigue is more than blood counts, but that's a start. I guess it's something you just don't get unless you've had to go through it.
I'm feeling a bit like I'm walking around with a new skin - I may look the same to everyone else ( with make up and the wig, but they don't all know that), but I'm not the same as I was 6 months ago. And I know I never will be. It's a process to weave this new person into my life - or is it the other way around. -
I've been saving this one; I heard it right before chemo when I had to go to an endodontist's office to be checked for a root canal (which I didn't need fortunately).
My dental attendant was named Monika, she was a very cheery, sympathetic person, and she zeroed right in on my situation, wanted to talk, wanted to empathize. So we got to talking a little, and she told me that her best friend, Tanja, lived in Germany. She had met her on a trip to Europe when she was a teenager. They had hit it off from the start, and the friendship grew with trips back and forth across the Atlantic.
Then Tanja developed leukemia. Two years ago Monika got a call from Tanja's husband; he was sobbing. He said that things had gone downhill, and it had gotten to the point where he had discuss funeral plans with Tanja and it was breaking his heart. Monika instantly replied, "We're coming tonight." She and her Dad got the first plane for Frankfurt.
She went right to the room in the hospital where Monika was staying. For the next two weeks she took care of her every day, feeding her, washing her, hugging her, never leaving her. She slept in the chair next to the bed.
Tanja began to brighten up and smile as they exchanged stories about their lives. Tanja's health began to improve and she was soon able to leave the hospital, and Monika went home.
At this point, I said, "Monika, you brought her back to life, you cured her with love." She beamed, she said nodding, "That's what I like to think."
Then she told me that Tanja was coming to visit her soon. The last time she had seen her she was thin, bald, and she said, she's gained weight. She's in full remission, and she has hair half way down her back. "I can't wait to see her!" Monika simply glowed.
That was a nice story to hear before starting chemo.
Mizsissy -
IowaCindy,
You sound like you've really been through the mill. Are you taking your temperature?! Maybe you need a little break? What kind of diagnosis did you have; what stage were you? Maybe you've had enough chemo.
I don't care what the doctors say; you know your body and your self.
Here're a few ideas for trying to buck yourself up. I had taxotere, and I swear by salmon..yes well cooked fresh salmon, salad, celery, and nice whole grain carbs like barley, whole grain bread. Drink lots of gatorade and don't worry about the sugar. You sound like you might be a little dehydrated. Drink LOTS of water.
Here's another one...force yourself to move a little. Just being inactive can be bad for your body, decrease circulation and cause you to get dizzy. Start trudging around the house, trudge around the block with a friend or your husband. You may be tired, but getting fresh air and getting your blood circulating will help. My way of dealing with taxotere was exercise.
Of course, I didn't have AC to start, UCK!!! After the last infusion I was too sick with infection to exercise and I'm still not to the point where I can run or do strength training.
I think you need to take good care of yourself and make some decisions about treatment if you have to...please keep us informed. We want you to get through this in one piece!!!!
xxxooo Mizsissy -
Good morning ladies,
Heb, welcome and thanks for adding your two cents. Losing our hair does indeed mean the chemo is in there and working. Amera the idea of hair ads as porn for chemo people gave me my first laugh of the day. I find myself looking at TV shampoo commercials that way. And to think I used to fume about how thick my hair was and how long it took me to wash and dry it!
Mizsissy thanks for the lovely story about Tanja. It made me a little sad that her husband couldn't have done that for her. Don't we all wish we had a friend like that! My neighbor who is in remission from stage 4 after 3 years told me yesterday she feels it was her positive attitude and the fact that whenever her doctors told her she was about to die, she never believed them even though it was in her brain, spine and elsewhere. They had no medical explanation for her recovery. Cindy, hope you are feeling better today - Skye -
Skye - I should have given more details about the ice water. The women I've talked to do it during the actual infusion. They have little bowls in the chemo room for them and the nurse gets it all set up.
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Jan I have heard of that trick with the ice water...supposedly it also works for hair. check out this contraption: http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Symptomssideeffects/Hairloss/Scalpcooling
I am not sure if my hairloss bothers me enough to deal with all of that! -
Ugh - that scalp cooling thing sounds like torture. Staring 40 minutes before?!? I can't imagine having a cold head for 3-4 hours! I freeze while I am there as it is. Not worth it. But very entertaining idea.
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yeah Jan, I have to say that I laughed myself sick when I first found that information. NO WAY...I am so cold all of the time anyway! Even had it been an option, chemo is so nasty anyway that I do not need that kind icing on my cake (tee hee...pun intended)
Today I am off for TAC #4 of 6 blech
I woke up this morning not congested for the first time in weeks...lets see how long that lasts. My legs got very weak this last round. I forced myself to ride my stationary bike every morning anyway, and I am sure that is the only reason I am still mobile. I plan to continue but I am genuinely afraid that I will have trouble walking by the time I finish my treatment. UGH. Just what I need with a 4 year old running amok. Cheers everyone! -
Cindy - I hear your frustration! Those side effects sound horrible. Remind us of your diagnosis and tx plan. I know some of us are doing chemo to get rid of cancer and some of us are doing it to prevent recurrence.
I am in bed and useless 3-4 days after each treatment (except for going in to get IV fluids) and pretty much useless until about day 7 or 8. One thing I have learned along the way is that there is a lot of value in letting your doctor know the details of all of your side effects. Mine seems to take it as a personal challenge to combat all of the side effects I tell him about. The nurse is the same way - she's got a shot or drug for everything I complain about. Of course those all have their own side effects too. But - do call and do let them know how you are feeling physically and emotionally. I hope there is something they can do to make you feel better.
I just keep telling myself it's temporary, it's temporary, it's temporary...some day we will feel better and this will end.
I read something last night about lightheadednes being related to low red counts? I know mine are low know and I do get dizzy. There's definitely a shot to fix that (had it Monday)!
It's only temporary! Hang in there with us. Chemo and it's effect on our crazy hormones can really kill your spirits and drive away the warrior - but it's still there. Get lots of rest and let us know what the doc or nurse says and how you are feeling. -
One more thing... when I last talked to my onc he mentioned that in the "old days" of chemo 99% of their patients had to be hospitalized so that all of the chemo side effects could be managed. Now it's the opposite - 99% are outpatients. I can't stop thinking about how much horrible it would be without pile of drugs I have now and can you imagine having to stay in the hospital through all of this? I'm not sure I could tough that out!
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If you need a good laugh take a look at this thread: http://community.breastcancer.org/ubbthr...ge=0#Post559616
I posted my embarrassing story on page 2 (not as icky as the one I posted here yesterday).
I was in tears (with a very drippy nose) by the time I was done reading these. -
Jan, thanks for pointing me to that thread. I'm at work and had to close my door because I was laughing out loud!
Lynn -
Hello all:
I've been down for the last 3 days, bad stomach problems and generally not feeling well....I think I did too much on the weekend.
Happy Birthday Robertin, you should be somewhere in Utah today. I know it was someone else's birthday yesterday, but with this chemo brain of mine, I can't remember who...was it you Skye? Love the red wig by the way!!! Also, it's Lynn's birthday on March 24, so I hope all 3 of you ladies have a wonderful time!!
Rebecca, good luck with TAC #4. Amera, loved your "Porn" comment on hair products and such. I never realized how much junk that I have bought to keep my hair in shape. HUB welcome aboard. Ilene, I have the sore runny eyes too, and find that the Natural Tears gel works the best for me. I think my eyes are so bad because I don't have any eyelashes left. Also very sparse on the eyebrows. A friend gave me some eyebrow powder, and it does look pretty good.
Cindy, I feel for you, you sound like you are being put through the ringer. I agree with the person that says it sounds like you have a bit of dehydration. Keep drinking a lot of fluids.
RitaJean if you trust your onc, stick with his recommendations for treatment, but make sure you get him to give you the reasons he is going about things. Nancy I feel for you with weekly taxols. I know my FEC is every 3 weeks, and it takes me that long to feel strong enough to have another one. By the way my FEC #5 is on Monday Mar 26. Viddie I'm going to ask my doctor about that Librax, I think that might help with my stomach problems too.
As for the discussion around the prothesis, I too have problems with mine. I find that under my arm gets swollen from wearing it, so I'm going to see a lymphedema specialist. I just don't know if I would ever be brave enough for the reconstruction. I admire you Lynn and Rebecca that are doing and/or considering it.
As Dar mentioned we are back in the snow zone, but I'm still going out for a walk today.
Had a wonderful weekend, we went out for a lovely dinner on Saturday, and then to the Barber Shop quartet concert. Also on Saturday, my hubby bought me a new 2008 Ford Escape, which will be here when I'm done chemo, so he spoils me.
Also for our scrapbook, only 4 people have sent me their pics. Please get them into me...send to joanblack@shaw.ca.
Hope all are doing well this week. Big hugs to you all.
Joni -
SOL, SOL! MrsShey's Oncotype score was in the less than 5% range and she's *not* doing chemo!!!
Didn't mean to upstage you Chey but I am so excited that at least ONE of us does not have to do chemo!!! Least of all little 100-lb you!!!
Mizsissy xxxooo
Awooowoooah!!!!! -
re MrsShey: Well that's good news. Too bad she got the port put in for no reason. Damn.
Sorry you are having such a time of it Joni. Blech.
I go for #4 tomorrow. My last. I am so happy about this but as I mentioned, not looking forward to the yuck to come. I am actually sort of excited about talking to my oncologist's NP. In my experience, NPs tend to spend a lot more time with you. I always feel so rushed with my onc and she is always so backed up that I'm hoping I will be able to ask a few questions. I think I'm also getting anxious because I am finishing up with this part of the treatment. I won't see her again until July and I am not having my radiation at Dana Farber. I can see why ending treatment is so scary. No safety net out there--at least not as big of one as when we're actively in treatment.
Amera -
Good luck tomorrow Amera, I'll be thinking of you. I hear you when you say it's scary to end treatment.
Congrats Mrs Shey...thanks for letting us know MizSissy.
Joni -
Joni...will send you pix when I get my laptop back...I've got nothing but two year pix on this old clunker!
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Hi everyone,
Rebecca, that cooling thing was the funniest contraption I have ever seem. Kind of looks like something that you would see in some old medical book from the 50's.
I have another taxol tomorrow, oh boy.... I just now got my poor bowels working again. Lordy they were hurting. Taxol at this point has not given me the "horsy trots" but just the opposite. I am going to visit my brother this weekend in IL, despite the chemo. I have to get out of here!!! The only time I go anywhere is to the DR. Yuck!
My onc. said I could go but to wear a mask ( that's not happening) I look scary enough already. Speaking of eyebrows mine are shrinking and thinning. They no longer go towards the nose, they are short and right in the center. I can't explain it really but it looks like I have a little patch above each eye. I can't even bear to look in the mirror anymore. Each day it is something, a sty, a zit, 10 less lashes then the day before. I have lost myself, I never really cared what I looked like before. Course didn't have to care. I had hair, and my skin color was normal not grey, and I had boobs. Now it takes me hours to get ready and go anywhere because I feel like a monster, trying to not look frightening. I hate my prothesis too. It feels like if I move It won't move with me and will end up some place else , like my shoulders or stomach. Guess I am feeling sorry for myself today, I'm really tired of this ride.
What is everyone's preference for hot weather headwear? Getting time here to put up the warm hats. Be well my sisters! -
Jan, thanks for the clarification on the ice water. During chemo makes much more sense! However, they will need to give me less Benadryl as I couldn't keep the fingers in the bowls if I would be passed out the whole time again. And the head thing? Laugh-o-rama! Besides, the worst has been done there already. I'm now examining my "chickie fuzz" every day. The dh calls it "baby rabbit fur." Nancy, I hear you on the Taxol-bowel connection. It's bad. I've been trying different fixes. Citrucel gives me even more cramps. Hoping I figure out something before my next treatment Monday.
Mrs. Shey, that's the best news anyone has had around here. Even getting the port unnecessarily is worth not needing chemo. Way to go!
The dh and I are taking a short trip this weekend for fun and for last minute pics for my book that's due. And because we need some R&R away from home after last week. Headed for the most scenic part of the state by the Miss. river bluffs. We will have to take turns driving but it will be worth it.
Hot weather headgear, Nancy? I'm stocking up on scarves and bandannas, with some canvas and straw hats for going out. I have one of those little cotton skullcap liners from TLC and I use it all the time, makes scarves look fuller and protects from scratchy hats.
Now I'm going to check out that humor thread, we need our laughs. - Skye -
Hi, That's great news, Mrs. Shey.
Cindy and Nancy,
I am sorry you are not feeling good, but please hang in there. There really is a light at the end of this tunnel, and we will all be seeing it soon. It does feel like it will not be soon enough, but we have to remember that all this crap we are going through is going to make us stronger and better. Is it very hard, but necessary. I keep saying that to myself until I feel better.
Rebecca,
Pretty funny contraption!!
Skye, Love your wig. have a great weekend.
Amera, Just one more-- great!!! Good luck tomorrow!
My dh and I are going to a B & B in Boothbay Harbor, Maine tomorrow for the weekend. At first I did not want to go and be away from my safe house, but now that we made the reservations, there is no turning back and I am getting very excited. We have rarely done anything since November, and I am ready to have some fun. I haven't decided on whether I will wear the wig or not. I will take it in my suitcase and play it by ear.
Catch you all later,
Viddie -
Viddie, all I can say is that I am very jealous. I'd simply LOVE to be in Boothbay, Maine...I also love Monhegan and Pemaquid Point. Will you send us some pix?!!! Have a great time!
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Viddie, have a great time. Boothbay is so pretty, and it's supposed to be a great weekend. What fun.
I know what you mean about being too far from home. Before I left for Maine I worried about it, but once I was on my way, I didn't think about it once. It is nice to get away.
I keep thinking about whether I should've attempted to work. I really wish I had a flexible job, but teaching just isn't. I think that mentally, it would've done me a world of good to get out of my own way, stop thinking about the bc, etc. However, physically, I doubt I could've done it. I really hope that radiation isn't as exhausting as I've heard it can be. I am so ready to feel good. Although, as long as it's just being tired, and not all the other lovely things that go along with chemo, I guess I cannot complain.
Okay, off I go to the grocery store to stock up on my chemo comfort foods. I doubt after this is over I will ever want to look again at ginger ale, scrambled eggs, or noodles. -
Have a great time Viddie!
Amera, you have come this far I am sure that the last one will be cake...after all when THIS one is over and you start feeling better you do not have to dread another one! YAY! As far as work goes, I am fortunate to have a relatively flexible job in that the out of house hours are not long. It is INFLEXIBLE in that I do not get any sick days, although my boss is a wonderful man and would not be angry if I missed a day or two. At this point, he is just happy that I have been continuing to teach during chemo...apparently a good english teacher is hard to find in Edison. Lucky for me!
I am home from #4, and I feel pretty yuck already. My legs, which have been steadily getting weaker through the last cycle feel really terrible now. The muscles are all tight, sore, and non responsive. My breastbone also hurts, which it normally does not do until the neulasta lovelies hit, so I am now deathly afraid of that. I just got out of the shower, so at least I feel clean and am in my pjs. Got a cup of tea and some papers to grade. When my heart stops racing from the Decadron infusion I will probably pass out. I even brushed my teeth already just in case.
if I do not post again tonight, I hope everyone has a good one!
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