the constant battle after 4 years

((((((Chloe3278))))) You are clearly a very special person. We are so sorry that you find yourself here at such a young age. We do have a number of young people here, and we do hope to hear from others. We're here for you

Chloe, I'm sorry you're so young having to deal with breast cancer.

I can understand your frustration with others wanting to give you their two cents worth of advice. One reason is because you are young. I'm not sure how you've been raised, but society places pressure on females to be submissive and kind. You may think you have to listen to others because that's what “nice" girls do. With practice, you can become more assertive with them. Come up with a few prepared responses to those who want to give you advice. It's okay to simply say, "I know you mean well, but it's not something I feel like talking about at this time. But thanks for your concern."

Tho I'm decades older than you, I got unsolicited advice also. Once, a relative wanted me to listen to 7 one-hour videos of some self-proclaimed cancer curing guru. Huh? I had to learned to tell people that I'm quite involved in my treatment, have an excellent oncologist, and am very aware of all the information available to me online. Because face it, lots of people giving advice have the “Google doctor degree."

I've had to be more direct to a couple of my sisters who wanted to focus only on the breast cancer topic. I told them I have other things going on in my life and their constant talk of bc gave me anxiety.

Also, sit down and give some thought to what you want to tell medical professionals who want you to rehash details. You can lead off with being honest and telling them that it gets exhausting going over and over your medical history and that you don't need reminded how rare it is for someone your age to be diagnosed with bc. Of course, this can all be said in a respectful way, but also in a way to get your point across.

Believe it or not, you are still so, so young. You WILL get through this. Do not feel guilty about your feelings. Own them. Embrace them. What you are going through matters to you, as it should, and you do not have to feel guilty about it at all. (This is another social conditioning thing females experience, that we should be more concerned for others than ourselves, no matter what we're going through.)

It helps to keep a journal. No one will read it, so write how you feel. And even tho you're dealing with medical issues, try to do something new every week that you've never done before. It can be taking a drive on a road you've never been, buying something, say an article of clothing you've never bought before, trying a new recipe or new kind of takeout food. You can really get creative with this. Once the pandemic lifts, there'll be lots more opportunities to try new things.

I don't know if you think talking to a therapist would help. I never had a lot of success with that, but some people do. So at least consider it. If you’re a reader, there’s an excellent book (not about bc), it's a best seller, called “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone" written by a therapist and it's entertaining and insightful all at the same time.

Your life won't be the same as before bc. But you are growing into an even better version of you. It's okay if right now it seems like you're only taking baby steps, and heaven knows, with the pandemic, many of us feel we've been marching in place for months and months. The dating thing will fall into place, your nervousness about it is normal. Take care of you for now. For the record, I didn't marry until I was 31 and had a baby at age 34, and am still married many years later. For me, my 20s were the more difficult years of my life—and I wasn't even dealing with bc—-as I tried to figure things out. It didn't feel like it then, but in hindsight, all that soul-searching was a needed time as I learned about life.

I certainly wish you the very best and send you lots of virtual hugs!