The Hermit Club

Coughing like crazy this morning, think I just came down with the first cold of the fall.

Good. She just turned four this past Thursday. We got her a fleece pad for her to lay on that we can spray with catnip mist spray. She loves it

Mexico- good to hear you are doing well. It is tough finding your way through on the AIs. I was on the generics for arimidex and then later aromosin. I have been off for six months now and have less joint pain and clearer thinking.

Wishing you the best with your job search. Check on line for some articles that suggest how to answer gaps in work. There are ways to answer that without raising a concern about you not being able to do the job. You want them to look at your ability to do the job and not focus on every little detail in your past. Get your references lined up too.

Lilly- thinking of you friend and let us know how you are doing as you are up to it. Grief is a constant visitor for a long time and hope you are taking very good care of yourself. You have not had an easy year.

Oh no not Madeleine too..........so sad.....R.I.P Madeleine xx

I am not good at all, am so utterly bereft, we had our ups and downs but I no longer have anyone in the world who loves me unconditionally, he did, despite his many flaws, but everyone expects me to be strong and I am so not.....I am good at being a duck or swan on the surface but underneath I am in pieces, I am keeping myself busy as when I stop I just don´t want to be here. On top of that am having lots of issues with the expander now, not been able to have any fills for over 5 weeks as its soooo tense and now been told they will probably have to remove it if it does not relax over the next two weeks.... perhaps to substitute for something else but I dont really know.... its just like having a prosthetic under my skin and pulling towards my armpit, not been comfortable at all last few weeks and at times really painful like my ribs are all bruised....... he would understand what this means to me others just dont. I cant even talk about him without crying.......

I really wish I could swap places with people who are dying but are loved and want to live as if I am honest I have no real wish to carry on living feeling as I do and without him that is not going to change....am sick and tired of being asked if I am feeling better as though he was a virus to get over.....I am exhausted and worn out by this year and now its the most depressing time of the year for me and I truthfully have no desire to carry on being in a world that is so fcked up, so cruel, so lacking in empathy, so unkind, and so damn lonely.......I have no family in the country I am in and also all the crap uncertainty over Brexit too......its all just total crap

MOmmy not a doofus, but frazzled. Exactly how I feel this Thanksgiving week.

Fudge is so good. I had a terrific Thanksgiving. It was at my house, after two years, I have the Turkey Mojo back.

Wishing you peace and joy throughout the season!

2018

Husband and I had a delicious New Year's Day breakfast at the Adirondack Mountain Coffee Cafe'. I did manage to break off a front tooth from my top denture.

The following taken from Facebook tickled my funny bone.

Lily55, you've been through a lot! I hope that you recover from the surgery and can soon start on the new treatment you will need for the new hormone status and also for your bones.

Just wanted to drop in and say the cancer has been rampant in my back, had two new fractures and also have metastases all over rib cage.....but they ARE all small ones, tiny in fact.......biopsy came back with no receptors so no targeted treatment possible.......my only option is WEEKLY Taxol (Paclitaxel). My initial reaction was to opt for the palliative route as emotionally i am sooo tired, I miss my husband so much, my dog died of cancer the day after I was told I would need chemo, I am here alone...albeit with some friends who care, and I need carers every day as I cannot get the support off...have to live and sleep in it 24/7.....which is fine but sometimes I feel imprisoned.....it helps with the pain though........went to my doctor who told me I have had WAY too much to deal with to be able to make a rational decision about my life and put me on anti depressants and arranged for me to at least have the first session of chemo.....low dose weekly so they can monitor my kidney.......Oncologist told me I will die if I don´t do it and this time I agree....I can feel what is going on and know she is right. More importantly my concerns and questions were taken seriously and I have been treated really well......and I do trust this Oncologist, unlike a few years ago........

I have a liver MRI coming up as they found a doubtful spot on my liver but they are only saying doubtful not suspicious....

I am working really hard emotionally to keep going but it is far from easy.........I hope some of you will want to stay in touch with me but most of the time I am now on the Weekly Taxol or Bone Mets area...... I started the first one this week and have to say the nurses were all lovely, really went out of their way to be as gentle and kind as possible....they are sending me for a PICC line as my veins are useless.......so another challenge ahead in getting that in as don´t like the sound of it...but once in life should be easier every week.

I cannot believe all this, was so hoping for a normal summer going to the beach feeling normal in a bikini after reconstruction and now here I am stuck still with an expansor, that is not so comfortable and all this other stuff going on.

For the last two years I have told my Oncologist I have had pain in ribs in follow ups but all they did was X rays......I don´t know how long these have been there......but apparently its not unusual for bone mets to appear so fast........the one that fractured first actually shattered and I am still incredibly lucky not to be paralysed......the other two just fractured........

That sucks Lily! Gentle hugs from me!

Hardly seems like it’s been a week since my beloved dog, Jackson, passed from old age. Found a picture of him and his “brother” Charcoal from the first Christmas we had them and changed my user pic here.

Hard to believe Fall is next week already. Just realized it this morning

Taught myself to crochet. Have done some stuff for my bedroom and working on a scarf for hubby for Christmas