diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer/bone...I am terrified.

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tulumsoto
tulumsoto Member Posts: 3
edited September 2020 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

I have been diagnosed with stage iv breast cancer sept 23rd.

I have 4 small masses in my right breast, node in collar bone and several other nodes

found throughout body including one in a lung. It has spread to bone in several places.

No pain.

I feel like my life is over.

the dr said it is fast growing and nothing i could have done to discover it sooner.

i feel guilty for not getting routine mammos due to the pain they cause.

i feel like the diagnosis is my punishment for my lack of care to my self.

I am so scared. I feel lost. I feel defeated.

I get port in today and start chemo next week.

I read a post about "Carmelle's Success Stories thread has been a life saver!" from a

post I read and decided to post something because i am falling apart. i suffer with OCD

so as you can imagine, i am all over the place.

I am so scared.

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    • Anonymous
      Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
      edited September 2020

      Please don't blame yourself! You are NOT being punished for anything! Cancer happens...and can happen to anyone.

      I was 59 when diagnosed and I am three years in. I wasn't getting mammograms either, because I did not want them. I had to make peace with that - I take responsibility for my choices and I forgive myself for any bad judgement I may have had.

      As your doctor said, mine was also fast growing and perhaps a mammogram would not have caught it anyway. There are quite a few women on this board and in the world who WERE getting mammograms and STILL their cancer was not detected or not detected early on. You will read their stories if you stay around.

      Please be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. No one wants this diagnosis for sure, but there is a lot of hope and the outlook gets better all the time as great new treatments are in development.

      I couldn't wait to start chemo, I had several jokes about my eagerness to get started which I won't share right now, but suffice to say I felt much, much better once I got started AND felt my tumor shrinking every single week.

      Stage IV from the start is called Stage IV de novo. Here is a thread for Stage IV de novo with some support & info for you. Good luck and welcome to the forum!

      https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/876918?page=8#idx_217

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    • candy-678
      candy-678 Member Posts: 3,950
      edited September 2020

      If you keep reading on this site you can find lots of help and encouragement. There is a Thread for Bone Mets, one for lung mets, as Olma mentioned one for de novo Stage 4. And depending on what meds you are on for treatment, there are Threads for those specifically on those meds.

      When you start a treatment plan, and as you learn, you will want to set up your profile so we can see your specifics at the bottom of your post. That will help others be able to chime in and know where you are in this--- ER+? HER2 status? Diagnosis date. Treatments.

      I will post links to the bone and lung threads. Will have to post this message and post the links in my next post.

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    • candy-678
      candy-678 Member Posts: 3,950
      edited September 2020

      Here they are, I think. Not too good at this yet.

      https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...

      https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...


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    • candy-678
      candy-678 Member Posts: 3,950
      edited September 2020

      Try this again.

      https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...


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    • GoldensRBest
      GoldensRBest Member Posts: 447
      edited September 2020

      Close your eyes and take some deep breaths and chase that panic out of your mind. Of course you are overwhelmed and frightened but there is a process to all this BS that we deal with. These boards are great for learning, for understanding, for coping and for compassion. We are all here for you and welcome you.

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    • hjernt
      hjernt Member Posts: 24
      edited September 2020

      Hello!! Sending you a HUGE HUG! The time right after diagnosis is the hardest time, just terrible. I was exactly in your place last December. I was diagnosed in both breasts and felt like I had been run over. Then in January right before I started chemo I got the news that I had 9 bone mets. It was hardest on my husband who thought it was all over for me. Well, I am thrilled to say that I just had a bone scan ( same one that found the bone mets in Jan) and there is No Evidence of Disease on my bones! I haven't even had a chance to post this in the De Novo board yet. I also encourage you to check out the postings there. It has many stories around being diagnosed with Stage 4 right off the bat.

      I had 3 months of chemo and then a lumpectomy and ovary removal this year. I go in for infusions of Herceptin and Perjeta every 3 weeks.

      It will help to get a plan and your chemo started. Then you can feel you are doing something. These boards are a so helpful but be careful to not spend all your time researching. It is easy to get overwhelmed. It is a bit of a Rollercoaster so there will be ups and downs. I try to stay even keeled and not get too low on the downs and too high on the ups.

      This is NOT your fault! Mine was fast growing as well but because it is Lobular, it was missed for quite a while. You can DO THIS! Chemo is scary but very managable. Just take care of yourself and remember to give yourself permission to feel crappy and also to feel good some days.

      Lastly, your feelings are absolutely normal. We all need to grieve and mourn our previous life. And be angry, depressed, overwhelmed. Slowly you will come little by little to feel like you are living again. You will have joy again, I promise.

      We are here for you, we are here with you.

      Heather

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    • Moderators
      Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
      edited September 2020

      Huge hug from us too, and great advice from the others. Deep breaths, one day at a time, and come here for support and advice! Also, if you aren't with a mental health professional, it may be also worth starting. We're all here for you

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    • emac877
      emac877 Member Posts: 371
      edited September 2020

      The day of stage IV diagnosis is the worst. That whole week was bad for me and then the emotions got lost in a whirlwind of treatments. My stage IV diagnosis was in January of this year. I think the best advice my doctor gave me was not to look back and waste energy on wishing I had done things different because it might not have changed the outcome. I was just barely 41 in 2018 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. They found it on my very first mammogram. My stage IV was found in December of 2019. I'm still figuring it out. You made a great decision coming here. The people here on the stage IV boards have been helpful and supportive and they get it when no one else does. That's a huge help in navigating this. It's an overwhelming and painful process sometimes but it is not hopeless. There are many who have continued to live productive lives for years with a stage IV diagnoses. Seek them out and hear their stories. I have found the most help in that. Hugs to you. I hope you find some peace here.

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