Dealing with an Uncertain Future

illimae · September 2020

Congrats SeeQ 🎉

I love the reactions to half birthdays, we’re totally going to make this a thing.

Sadiesservant · September 2020

Totally. I have a half birthday coming up in a few weeks. Hmmm... what should I buy myself? 😉

moth · September 2020

darn I missed my half birthday! I'm a January baby

ShetlandPony · September 2020

Oops, I’ll have to post more later.

MetaTastic40 · September 2020

@SeeQ: Congratulations! Every little "one less thing to worry about" is a huge victory. Hope you're feeling happy and relieved! Honestly I hadn't considered the importance of checking the dates on articles, but that is truly sound advice. Going to remember that and "it's data to be considered, not a prophecy."

You ladies have given me so much to write down and remember and consider, especially A VERY MERRY HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY TO US ALL! If you missed yours (mine was in May), I say it's time for a belated party. 🥳🥳🥳

SeeQ · September 2020

Meta - Thanks. I am happy and relieved. I'm over the biggest hurdle in getting the approval. Now, it's just a matter of finalizing payment amounts, timing, etc. It's good for the location where I work, too, because now they can move forward with thier own planning, filling my position, etc. That's good for my friend that I worked with, because she's been trying to do both our jobs - which has been making me feel bad. So, it's good, good, and good.

illimae · September 2020

For anyone interested in possibly withdrawing their 401k (all or part), the Covid care act removes some of the usual tax/penalties. I just wanted to add this for clarification and if anyone is on the fence, it’s something to consider.

Anonymous · October 2020

Bumping up to see how your doing Meta. Hoping treatment is still being kind and doing its job

finallyoverit · October 2020

@Meta~ sorry I’m late to this party. Other than receiving a call from a financial advisor, I could have written your post. I was dx the first time at 37 and the second at 42. It’s definitely been a roller coaster. I’ve seriously been struggling this month.

Like you, I’m also single with no kids. I really don’t see a “retirement” in my future.. only being forced out of the workforce by illness at some point. I hope that point is still 20 years away, but who knows. I made the mistake last week of opening up a bit to a family member about the struggle and ups and downs. I was seriously waiting for the authorities to show up at my house and cart me away. They just didn’t get there is a whole range of emotions that go along with this.. I bounce back and know where to go for help if I need it. I won’t be discussing with them again.. ever. They just don’t get it and I don’t have the patience or desire to constantly explain why I’m not feeling like Suzy sunshine that day.

Anyway, welcome to the club that no one wants to join. Lots of very welcoming, understanding and super smart ladies on this board

MetaTastic40 · October 2020

@RadagastRabbit: You are the best. Thank you so much; it really made me smile to see your check-in. October has been ... well, a surreal and challenging month in the midst of a surreal and challenging year. I was diagnosed with a secondary cancer, a cutaneous T cell lymphoma/mycosis fungoides called Woringer Kolopp Disease. For now it appears to be localized, but boy oh boy did I not need to hit "cancer" on my 2020 bingo card twice ... Primarily it's just caused a lot of stress and I am finding stress lands in my body with more force than I feel like it did BC (before cancer)—so my digestion has been screwy, my sleep has been spotty, my muscles have been tense, my headaches have been frequent. It's a good reminder that I. need. rest. I saw my breast oncologist today and she mentioned my weight ... I had to look at my records to see that I had lost 9 pounds since I saw her last. I hadn't even noticed. (I had it to lose, so I could be forgiven for missing the signs, ha! ) So definitely a reminder to check in with myself and try to get a hard reset back to better stress management and mindfulness. How are YOU?

@finallyoverit: Hm I'm not sure who this family member is, but it sounds like maybe they have put their heart up on a shelf? I also think whereas maybe people can access some level of understanding about the surface-level emotions related to cancer (cancer can = sad, angry, afraid), there is SO much nuance in those feelings that it's hard for someone without cancer to comprehend. And those small fluctuations in feeling can, depending on the day, happen by the second. The other morning as I was waking up, I kind of became slowly aware that I was lying in the dark thinking about who I would leave certain possessions to when I die. I think it began as part of a dream and then became my waking thoughts; I wasn't immediately aware that I was doing it, matter-of-factly parceling out my life. These are the kinds of things people who aren't facing their mortality all the time don't consider, I don't think. And it's challenging to share those feelings with people who love you. In my experience the people who love me don't want to hear those things. They don't want to consider my mortality even as I'm doing it ALL the time. How do you find the space to cope and share when your circle finds your feelings upsetting? Well .. you come to places like this! I'm here if you ever need to talk. I wasn't Suzy sunshine before I had cancer.

finallyoverit · October 2020

Thanks, @Meta. I’ll get out of this funk but lesson learned.. I will NEVER speak of anything BC related to this person ever again.. ever.

SeeQ · October 2020

MT, so sorry to hear you have another cancer to deal with. None of us need "one more thing" on our plate and definitely not that! I hope it can be eradicated, or at least managed well.

finallyoverit - It makes me angry for you that your family member was just so totally useless. Nobody can be expected to be Suzy Sunshine every day (it's a dang good thing, too, or I'd be in trouble!), and it's a no brainer that our emotions will run the gamut on any given day. They need to get a clue!

Anonymous · October 2020

Meta - Woo hoo! So happy to see your reply You are most most welcome I'm so sorry about the secondary cancer, hearing you have it again and that its a whole new one well....sucks! What is the treatment for this? Surgery? Yep, stress seems to express itself differently in me than before BC, same symptoms as you. It kinda feels like jumping lilypads and trying not to get wet, impossible. I'm hanging in there. Kinda wrestling through the emotions, struggling with forgetfulness, pain, but trying to keep it together. This time of year 2 years ago I was going through early stage treatments, I kinda feel like an idiot because I'd flap my gums to the nurses pushing through my chemo about how the doctor thinks I'll be cured, because my temporary MO I had for 3 months (through my AC part of AC+T chemo) had said I could be cured. So to kinda relive this time and realize that didn't happen is hard. However, I'm on my 12th cycle of Ibrance and I honestly didn't think I'd get to say that. It feels like a cautious mini celebration inside me, happy, but cautiously so. How is Verzenio treating you?

Dealing with an Uncertain Future

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