My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Did it. This is my roommate, my son.

Boo- Glad you are feeling some better.

Windows open this morning for some fresh air. Now in the 60's. Will close them later and have on AC-- in the 80's today. Another day inside. Woohoo. Covid increasing numbers in my area and my ANC 500 right now. Isolation.

Mae,

OMG. They are adorable. Love the pic of them all standing up looking out of the window. Priceless. And the other one looks like they are at the bar looking for a drink! SO cute! It breaks my heart that they are all gone. But they live on over the Rainbow Bridge. I strongly believe we will see our pets again.

Candy, your “son” is beautiful. I know I’m not supposed to call a male beautiful (I guess), but he sure is. Thanks for posting.

Hope you both have a good day.

Sondra, tap the landscape photo above and follow the prompts, here’s a how to pic.

Mae did much better at that explanation than I did. Lol. Beautiful cat.

Hello to everyone else and their puppers, so sweet looking. Love the cat as well. I posted pictures of my cats somewhere a while ago.

Laurie, glad you are feeling better, Candy, sorry about the coivd numbers going up. That is definitely disconcerting for sure.

I need some advice from people who are not involved with my family. The advice is about how I should deal with feelings of being left out of my older DB and SIL family. They did do a lot for me last year helping with selling, packing and finding this apartment which is quite inexpensive. For that reason and for my own independence, I do not ask them to help with much because of all they did. I also did not lean on them for support when the grieving process was in full force after Mom died last year. Went through social work with that and talking to the social worker at the cancer clinic too.

The issue I am having is I feel quite like an afterthought now. Have tried calling my SIL to chat but unless it is an emergency, she never has time. Gave up on that. We used to eat together once a week but I have not been to their home since Christmas 2019. Came to find out they had a vow renewal at their home last week and though I did not expect I would be invited, I was hurt not to even be told about it. I feel like we are less a family and that I am a chore. They are pretty good about seeing me around once a week or two, I know if I was having a medical emergency, they would be there but I am trying not to feel sad about not being included in their lives nor do they have any interest in what I do.

I guess, what I need is advice from people who know me well enough on here to know I am strong and capable and not an emotional weakling whose SIL brings up stuff that happened in the past when I was young,, getting angry at people attacking my Mom etc. SIL did not even want to hear much when I called to say I was stable. This is not to say I do not see them, but I no longer see the rest of the family. I also don't think they would be receptive to me asking about coming over once in a while.

What I am asking overall is, does anyone have suggestions on how to forget how we used to socialize and be satisfied with how things are now. I will never change SIL and how she thinks I am incapable, not going to try to prove anything but just to accept how things are and keep my own life events to myself.

Mara-That sounds so hurtful, not to be invited or at least told about their vow renewal. I don't know that I have any great advice, but if I were you, I guess I would detach in love. Stop calling SIL but be pleasant when they contact you and just not expect too much for them except help in emergencies-and that is certainly worth something. We here know you to be an interesting, resilient woman. You have learned to enjoy your own company and seem to appreciate your own value. When Covid is over, maybe you can branch out and start trying different activities to make some new friends. You have a lot to offer as a friend and if SIL is not interested, her loss. The older I get-I'm 62 now-the less I care about who likes me or wants to be around me. Sometimes things hurt but I find it easier to "shake the dust off of my feet" and move on to people who do like being around me. Sending virtual hugs.

Mara, you don't say how you found out. If it were me, I might say something like “I see you renewed your vows last week. I wanted to congratulate you." It doesn't accuse them of anything but let's them know you know.

Were there other people there? I have a feeling they might not have told you because if there were other people there, they may have been nervous to have you there because of COVID. If they didn't have anyone else, did they tell anyone?

The other thought is that they didn't tell you because you might have felt bad you couldn't be there.

I'm playing devil's advocate. I'm newer on this board and have read your posts, but I don't know you as well as some of these other ladies.

I am not trying to give your brother and sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt. You know your SIL and brother and I really don't.

I would be hurt as well had they at least not told me

Hugs to you.

No worries KBL. I don't have any ill will. We are in contact with each other. Not sure who was there outside of what I consider the immediate family. Some took the pictures so someone was there. Having thought some things, I realize, I should not feel hurt. It really does not matter what they do in their personal lives, just that they are happy. Same for me, I don't tell them the ways I feel happy but they would want me to be happy.

I just have to stop being oversensitive. I am glad to talk to you guys. Would not want to unload this stuff with them. Better to tell them everything is good which 99 percent of the time, it is good, even if it is quiet life. I just get down every once in a while. I think that is perfectly normal and sometimes better not to share with family who would just worry about me. I really just have to remind myself that they owe me nothing other than being there the odd time. Nothing more.

Mara, I am sensitive also. I’m the baby of five, and my feelings get hurt easily, but I have definitely toughened up as I’ve gotten older. I had a brother that I tried to tolerate, but he and I had a falling out when my mother was dying, and I decided I did not need his toxicity in my life. I let him go and haven’t spoken to him in 11 years. I actually have no regrets. I had to do the healthy thing for me.

I think you will do what’s right for you. I hope after a few days the hurt settles and you feel better about it. I totally understand feeling down sometimes.

On another note, Mel, I have been putting the masks to use and they are great. I have a specific one I use when I make washing soda for the laundry, another for going to the grocery store. I plan to wear one of the other ones as well. That kindness was lovely and still most appreciated.

My Deeohgee

Just checking in with everyone!

I love all of the pet pictures -- I'll try to post one if I can figure it out. I currently have one dog -- an 11 year old pedigree Giant Schnauzer named Gracie (who used to be a show dog). She is a gentle giant -- over 100 lbs. -- that we inherited when my brother passed away in 2015. (Gracie is the black dog on the bottom.) We brought her home when he died,

to join our other BIG girl -- a Great Pyrenees female named Brita, about 110 lbs., who we rescued as a senior dog. (That's Brita above.) Usually female Pyrs do not accept other female dogs into the home, but somehow Brita knew that she had to tolerate Gracie and welcome her to our home. They lived together until Brita passed in 2018, and then Gracie was lost without her buddy. She (and we) have adapted, but when Gracie passes, I swear that I will get another Pyr who is a senior. Best dog ever (and we've had many over the years.)

I think it overdid it on exercise the last few days. Last week, I had an endoscopy/colonoscopy and for the first time ever, they really knocked me out. I didn't even want to take a short walk. This week, I've gotten back into the community pool to do water walking and water exercise (an adaptation of my aqua fit classes pre-Covid) several times, including last evening and today midday, after taking a 2 1/2 mile walk. Oops. Now I am a couch potato for tonight, I'm afraid.

Mel I see your puppies 🐶. We’ve had our share of goodbyes with them and saying goodbye to them is truly emotional.

Everyone’s pets are charming. I love seeing the pictures.

Mara I’m sure you’ll find the right words when you finally get the chance. I love my family but some of them I keep my distance from so we don’t sever the ties completely over a brawl on the front lawn.

Tanya

Mel, I love both of your dogs, handsome boys, even the older man. They both look well loved.

I appreciate seeing everyone else's dogs as well. Very cute fur family members.

BevJen, I can attest to the doing a lot of physical taking it out of you. That happened me the other day. Took two hour long walks and napped in between them as I got so tired out. It felt good and the naps were short but it is amazing how tired it can make you.