The loneliness of waiting...

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Debbiemarler
Debbiemarler Member Posts: 10
edited August 2020 in Waiting for Test Results


I had cancer in 2017. I had a mastectomy. I didn't do chemo. I know I am different. My thought processes are a little towards Asperger. I dont make friends well. I wish I had social grace, but I am missing that gene. I feel so lonely. With all that is going on and working as RN at the health unit, people have enough on their plate without my problems. I am a full-blown hypochondriac. I tend to try to prepare for every eventuality so as too never be caught off guard. I had a childhood from hell. Therapy usually a few times a year when I have trouble coping. My appt 8/3/2020 was for PET. I had some vertigo, fell hard once from it. Mostly just new headaches. I dont usually have headaches. I can get tension or caffeine headaches but these were different, but no rhyme or reason. My right eye has got infected twice in the past month and my vision is worse. I have and appt with the eye doc tomorrow cause I need a new strength. Long story, but here.is my concern....The PET was clear, but they did an MRI when I mentioned the headaches. My head has never been scanned, so we dont have anything to compare it to. There is a mass 3 cm x 1.6 cm above my right eye in the forehead. It is against the bone. The radiologist states it could be infection, inflammatory, neoplastic hemangioma, multiple myeloma or metastatic disease. Stated did not have edges usually seen in metastases. My MO ordered blood work for multiple myeloma. Said it may be the hamangioma, she said drilling a hole for a biopsy wouldn't be good if it was a hemangioma. My husband could not be with me at the visit due to covid restrictions. I am not sure what all she said, I get nervous, ears ringing and just do what I am told. I go back in 3 months for an MRI to see if anything changes. I cannot talk to my loved ones.. They have so much on their plate. My husband is worried I can tell, but he doesn't say anything. He gets too stressed if I just vent and unload all my doubts, fears, worse case scenarios. I probably should make an appt to see my counselor. Please know I just need to vent. Too much I cannot contol. I know God does not make mistakes.


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  • cyathea
    cyathea Member Posts: 338
    edited August 2020

    Debbiemarler, thanks for sharing your pain with us. I’m sorry your husband couldn’t be with you for the visit. Does your health center do video visits? That would be one way for your husband to hear what the doctor is saying.

    I’m waiting for results as well. I hope I can sleep better tonight than last night. This is not easy. I hope you can get some rest as well. We can generally handle things better when we get enough sleep (not that we have much control when hot flashes rule the night)

    (((Hugs)))

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  • Murfy
    Murfy Member Posts: 342
    edited August 2020

    Debbie, I think you need a second opinion. There is other imaging that can be performed to help in diagnosing possible benign vs metastatic. When symptomatic, as you appear to be, waiting is usually contraindicated and removing/actively treating tumor is in best interest. Would like to know what second opinion has to say. Best of luck!!


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