Can't Seem to get Past the Sadness

ange743 · September 2019

I am 45 and was diagnosed on August 15 with IDC - 2 lumps, with at least one lymph node positive. I have gone through multiple biopsies, MRIs, scans, etc. Finally met with the oncologist this past Monday and the plan is to start chemo first, on October 3.

For the first 2 weeks after diagnosis, I was a mental mess. I'm normally a very strong person, and I cried more in the first week than I have my whole life! And I'm still so lost. At least now I get out of bed everyday, but I'm barely functioning. I thought it would get better once I had a plan, but it hasn't really.

I haven't been able to go back to work since all of this started.

And I thought once I got clear scans it would improve, but it hasn't. I just found new things to worry about.

I want so badly to be able to enjoy my life, but it's on my mind every second of every minute, of every day. People say to distract yourself with doing things, but I can't even find the motivation to do anything.

I'm so scared to start chemo, as much as I know it needs to be done.

I wish there was a switch I could just flip to get into the fight mode I need. I know I need to figure this out, but I just don't know how to get there. So I guess this is more of a venting post to people who get it more than anything else.

Meow13 · September 2019

I couldn't control my thoughts. I was constantly thinking about the cancer and how to get back to my life. I took an anxiety med to sleep. It took a couple months and one day I went all day not thinking about it. It went to the back burn, time is your friend.

Spookiesmom · September 2019

See your pcp if it’s really bothering you. Anxiety or depression can be treated It does get better, time is your friend. Can you find SOME thing, an old hobby, a pet, ANY thing to distract your mind

NancyHB · September 2019

A cancer diagnosis is scary, unnerving, and life-changing. Struggling is normal and natural, and everyone deals with this differently. Allow yourself some grace in this process to simply “be” with your diagnosis, thoughts and fears. Don’t dwell or get stuck, rather acknowledge and confront what you’re thinking and feeling, embrace and allow it, and work to move through it. It’s okay to take a break from cancer too; it’s something happening to you, but it’s not the essence of who you are.

Medication really can help during this time, giving your brain a break from all the worry so you can function in life, and start moving forward in treatment. I took meds when first diagnosed, and keep them handy for those moments when I feel the anxiety creeping back in.

Asking for help takes immense strength. There’s no need for you to suffer emotionally, please take care of yourself. Let us know how you’re doing.

wallan · September 2019

Hi ange743:

Hugs to you. I understand how you feel. My oncology social worker told me getting breast cancer is like getting hit by a truck. Its traumatizing. How you are feeling is natural. I was told to treat myself very gently, with great self compassion, Kristin Neff has books about self-compassion that are wonderful and have great ideas and meditations. This has helped me calm my mind and feelings.

Best wishes to you.

wallan

AliceBastable · September 2019

I deliberately did as many fun things as possible when I could - from going to a park for a walk after a doctor's appointment or test to short out-of-town trips, to concerts, to silly movies. It helped to maintain mental and emotional balance, and now I can look back at last year and not see just CANCER.

snowshoe05 · February 2020

Nancyhb

You indicated you took medication to relieve the anxiety. Can I ask what type. You indicated you had it when needed. PCP wants to put me on Paxil for stress. Not sure I want to do that. Too many side effects and withdrawal is bad.

ajminn3 · February 2020

snowshoe05-

I am on sertraline (Zoloft) am find it helpful to keep me a little more level. I don’t have any negative side effects. Yes, you need to be mindful of following doctors orders for starting and stopping them slowly to avoid adverse side effects, but I feel it has been so beneficial for me. I was on it previously and stopped it years ago (until I got my cancer diagnosis and felt I needed it again) and I did fine fading off of it. I recently started using Xanax for panic attacks and sleeping while going through the starting phases of my diagnosis and surgery.

e32 · May 2020

I love that analogy of the truck. I think my family is struggling so hard with this!

havefaithtoday · May 2020

I just finished treatments and thought I'd feel so great, but I've been thrown into chemo menopause and have been battling the depression ever since. This is so hard.

Maryjv · May 2020

have faith today, feeling much like you right now...I was on gabapentin for nerve pain after surgery and now I have vision changes, dizziness, eye strain/pressure, insomnia, depression since stopping gabapentin and have become very fearful of mets....going for labs tomorrow and SO says it can be withdrawal symptoms or something else. I have been crying and going down the dark path even when I try to pull myself together. Hoping to feel better soon and trying to stay positive and relaxed-easier said than do

LaughingGull · May 2020

Ending treatment is a very stressful and worrying time. I have never felt happy went I got to the finish line of any treatment. This is very common. I consulted to an oncologic psychiatrist at my cancer center back in the day, and he warned me about this. I am now ending one line of treatment and feeling very stressed about it too.

Dont know if you guys saw a post this weekend about "flexible thinking", it is a pilot for a two-week therapy online to handle the stress of finishing treatment and going back to normal life. I registered for that and it looks pretty good, it's cognitive therapy. And it's free.

Can't Seem to get Past the Sadness

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