New phase - new forum

Moth - I am going to read the book. Thanks for suggesting it!

Piperkay - Sort of good news today. There is an area of inhomogeneous tissue in my left breast. Not cancerous apparently and I shouldn't be too worried. I have to go back in 6 months for another mammogram and ultrasound. It's good that they are keeping an eye on things. I see my RO in 3 weeks so I'll get more info from her. My PCP tells me that I'm in remission. I never know what to say either so just say nothing!

I never liked the fighting or survivor images. I don't see this as a battle. It's just a permanent part of my life. I'm further out than most of you - and there are many days I can actually ignore it or maybe even forget for awhile. In all honesty, I will never be back where I was before. One of the things that pisses me off is I can't separate the residual problems caused by cancer & treatment from what problems I might have had with normal aging anyway. And I'll never know. Would I still have been able to run around on the bow of a boat under sail? Unfortunately the balance is no longer there with 'dead' feet.

After my first round, I really put it away & never thought much about it. I was 'cured', right? Since I've already had a recurrence (albeit 5 years now) I just say I'm NED. But mostly I don't talk about cancer. When I share, it's about the side effects of treatment - lymphadema, CIPN (peripheral neuropathy), some residual lung damage, etc. I'm not shy about sharing, but I don't bring it up unless one of these things causes me a problem functioning & keeping up with everyone else. Or I have to decline an activity & explain why.

I get to exercise classes twice a week and chair yoga a third day. In the summer I add two or three sessions of water aerobics a week. So I'm capable of physically doing much of what I want. I don't bounce back as quickly, and sometimes need a day off, but my energy level is still high.

And in the end, we all make compromises every day. Or as Linda Ellerbee says, 'and so it goes...' And I am as mad & sad as Linda is about Cokie Roberts death.

Bumping this thread up.

I am glad to have found this thread. I am 2 years past active treatment (TE to implant exchange was done), 3 years past MX, chemo and rads. When I recovered from the exchange, I felt fairly well. I expected to still experience fatigue a bit, but energy was heading back to "near normal". At least, I thought so. Now I feel as though every little thing is a challenge.

Like Minus Two, I never know if some symptom is due to general ageing, long-term side effects of chemo/surgery/rads, or something else entirely. And I never know which doctor to call first, the PCP, MO or Breast Specialist. What's the phrase? It's like being nibbled to death by ducks.

Just glad I'm in good company.

And now it's a toss up between "my cancer is back" and "I have COVID-19"!! Does that mean we're being nibbled by bigger ducks?? Or maybe now it's geese? LOL

I'm 2 weeks post treatment, now to start hormone blockers. I've been on an emotional roller coaster and so glad to have found this thread to know that a lot of what I'm feeling is normal. Thank you beautiful survivors for your honesty!

Happy to have found this forum! Diagnosis was a year ago tomorrow, was in chemo June-October 2019, surgery in October, radiation December-January 2020. So I'm four months out from treatment.

I know this will sound really weird, but the stay-at-home/shutdown of COVID-19 feels like the world has slowed down to my speed. After the completion of radiation in early January 2020, the world felt way too fast and noisy and careless. Now it feels like the world and I are about at the same pace, and I hope it will be easier to slot myself back in.

I was lucky enough to have a radiation oncologist who prescribed physical therapy so I could regain my strength and fitness, and it was a godsend. The first few weeks were scar tissue and lymphodema management, then after radiation was over, I moved to rebuilding strength by focusing on core work (lots of planks), and leg and upper body strength. I can't say I feel like myself, because I don't remember who I was before diagnosis, but I am way more comfortable in my own skin that I thought I would ever be. Plus I don't feel weak or sick or old, and I was feeling all those at the end of radiation.

My challenge now is I don't know what I want to do with myself. My work isn't nearly as compelling as it was before, but I'm not sure what direction to take, and it's not clear to me yet how to find the right direction. Plus I have no idea what to do with all this curly gray hair, especially since I can't get a haircut!

Holgagirl, I have similar feelings. But I don't think the world has slowed down, I think the new public crisis helped erased bad memories of old private crisis.