Feeling sad

Earth, you are experiencing a tremendous loss and your sadness is the necessary expression of grief. Mastectomy is traumatic physically and emotionally. The physical trauma heals much faster than the emotional and it is good you are allowing yourself to feel it and so good your husband is supportive. I personally found it helpful to share how I was feeling with those who l trusted would just listen supportively but did not share w people who would, in all good intention, give me platitudes or tell me to focus on what I should be grateful for. Don't be surprised if you begin to feel some other emotions (like anger) that not everyone can handle. Right now people may be tempted to say something like, “well, at least you don't have covid 19." That is likely to enrage you b/c, while you are probably glad you don't have the virus, this kind of statement can feel discounting of how you do feel. Keep feeling what you're feeling without censoring yourself and talk w those that are supportive....including everyone here. We've been there, so we get it. If you don’t get it out now, it will go inside and marinate, only to come out when you least expect it. Sending virtual hugs.

Earth, I just want to reiterate the advice you’ve gotten already & share my own similar experience. I didn’t want my mastectomy to effect any one else’s life- I told everyone ‘I’m great. I’m sooo.... lucky’. I totally diminished what I was going through. Big mistake. After my exchange surgery, I had a total breakdown. Anxiety attacks that were debilitating. I’m getting better now - talking to my family & friends and being honest with myself about my feelings of loss & fear. You can’t bottle it up and just hope it goes away. Good for you, for reaching out & figuring it out early. Big hug

Earth_Sky, Thank you for having the courage, wisdom and insight to post about your feelings. I send you giant virtual hugs. I too am the "strong one" in my world.

I would like to share what the nurse navigator from my breast imaging center told me shortly after my diagnosis that really helped. We were discussing that I was feeling completely overwhelmed, depressed, anxious and overall miserable with the prospect of surgery. I was berating myself that I was being a big baby over it and struggling to be grateful that I had a small, slow-growing cancer and only needed lumpectomy and was going to get a "bonus" reduction & lift. I had a total hysterectomy last fall and never had a huge emotional crisis about it. She told me that I should totally embrace the "suckiness" of breast cancer for the simple reason that as women, we see our breasts daily, dress them daily and they really are part of how we present ourselves to to world. Changing them or losing them is a big deal. When you have breast cancer, you do have to accept change and loss as part of the cure. I've found that giving myself permission to embrace the "suckiness" -- tears, rage and a therapist - has helped.

I'm not finding that my friends and family are being particularly sincere when they ask how I am feeling post-surgery (mine was 4/1). I'm trying to ignore it because the Covid-19 pandemic has totally destroyed everyone's sense of normal. I had an anxiety attack on Saturday (see my post about the tight surgical bra) and my husband's reaction was to tell me about his digestive problems --UGH!!! He hasn't even noticed that I'm barely speaking to him. He's got a history of being slightly clueless but usually figures out pretty quickly that he's screwed up.

Also, you are likely feeling extra emotional from the effects of your anesthesia and pain meds. The medical professionals rarely tell you much about it but it's real! This was my third surgery in 6 months and I've had this emotional roller coaster each time.

Embrace your feelings, eat well, rest, move around as you are able, get outside if possible, watch a funny movie, and MOST IMPORTANTLY - do not watch the news all day.

hugs. You are beautiful strong...and allowed to be sad. Try to enjoy some spring flowers...especially up here in Ohio its truly amazing how new and old things can look and feel good after miserable ugly depressing winter when we're not sure what or when things survived the winter.

You can have a room full of people that this is a lonely journey. I would feel so sad and I could not believe how lonely I would feel in the pain and sadness. They ask “How are you doing?” GREAT! Was also my answer and in reality I was devastated!

All this is normal and as the days went by it will pass. It’s so hard to believe that. But the sadness goes away and one day when you don’t even realize your back at being you.

Here are some video I made during my journey hope they help https://m.youtube.com/channel/UChJA2AxDL3pCr5aE-S63jMg

via

Earth Sky you are not alone. I remember those days, it's especially hard in the beginning and right after surgery. You are tired, in pain, still in shock and trying to process everything. You will have your days when you are down and where you need to cry, allow yourself to do so. Just know that things will get better as time goes on! We're here for you

Harri - so sorry that you've had to join us. I wish you the best with your surgery next week.