My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Hi everyone.
Ventured out today with Hub to buy chicken food and a few groceries. It was the highlihgt of my week. Been staying home and working around here. BUt the scene in the grocery store made me chuckle a bit as it was a stereotypical Canadian event. Everyone is trying to stay way away from each other, yielding with out carts, not crowding at the checkout. The checkout ladies are now behind plexiglass shields. But all through the store you could hear the same thing, "Oh sorry, go ahead."  "Sorry, didn't see you there."  "Sorry, didn't mean to crowd you." "Sorry, I"ll be done with the onions in a second." "Sorry I'm taking so long."   People have been in their homes for days on end and we feel the need to apologize non-stop when we do have to go out. Everyone had pretty good humour about it except one lady who glared at me when she felt I got too close to her when getting a shopping cart. And I will admit with all honesty that she offended me. Like, get over it. Everyone, and I mean everyone I saw today was going out of thier way to 'do the right thing'. Even at the feed store, we phoned in advance to see if they were open. Stopped at the door and asked if we could come in. We're never sure what the protocl is going to be so we stop and make sure we're not doing something untoward accidentally. 

Mara, I am not wearing a mask although I have sewn many of them for people. I probably should wear a mask because I have a cough. Which I have had for weeks and weeks. Because I have a stinking allergy. But the sense of shoot coughing people first and take their temperature later, seems to be the flavour of the day. Coughing in public is akin to shouting' I have a bomb in my purse!' I made some masks using a 400 thread count bed sheet. Thinking the density would provide greater protection. I'm sure it does. It also makes it difficult to breathe! So anyone thinking of sacrificing their 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets to face masks, maybe don't. 

Micmel, your daughter has your smile!! What a lovely young woman she is. Stay well everyone!

This is how I feel staying in. Another day trying to figure out what the heck to do!!!

ok, going to share a joke my DD told me yesterday

During the quarantine time, what kind of jokes should be told?

Inside jokes

Har har har

Moth~I'm Posting this for you. I know how you're feeling. I didn't have a drop of hair on my head. My sweet DD by my side. This was my mastectomy and liver surgery stint in the hospital. A week. Terrible, this was my second time losing itas well. Here we didn't know I was stage four. It's like a bad dream. Now my hair is halfway down my Back. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you. Hugs my friend. reminds me of Mae posting uncle fester. I have to remind myself this is where I came from. So it doesn't leave my Mind. Like someone said. Cancer is just plain evil.

Moth,

This one’s for you! We are in this together! This is my second time losing my

hair....but that’s ok....it goes back! Happy Sunday!

thx everyone for the photos & the encouragement & sympathy. It just hits me everyone once in while how in stage 1 I was all "ok, let's just the through this, you get to the other side" and the other side was a 'she lived happily ever after'. And now each thing is 'ok get through this, get to the other side" and .... I just can't quite wrap my head around what the other side might be. Maybe I'll die bald. I mean really - who cares.

I did buy myself a silly bunny hat and i'm almost bummed I don't have appointments this week. I will keep wearing it through April. Heck I might wear it all year. I actually literally ordered it because Judi Dench had one & mine is sort of like this but mine is a bunny but you can do the ears too. You can see it even if you don't have/use twitter....


https://twitter.com/finty_williams/status/12402490...

Moth, that is a great hat and I am sure you will look really good on you.

Well, doing a lot of purging of unused items to make more space. Furniture has been moved around as well. Food has been gone through to itemize what I have. I need to stop buying queso. I have many jars of it, same with beans. Went through stuff being stored under my bed. Got rid of a lot of photo frames and transferred photos to a pretty box. I am not hanging too many pictures, just the ones that I look at from the couch. Don't have any behind me as I do not see the wall behind my head. rearranging things too.

It is nice to keep busy on things that make me feel good like organizing and paring down things in the apartment. Just have to stop buying duplicates of things I already have and my space will feel bigger. My bedroom closet is full of empty boxes, going to break those down this week to. Might as well improve my home while in isolation. Perhaps this will stop me from buying so much stuff. I bought pudding that I forgot about from amazon. At the time it was sold out then it came today.

Yes you can buy it. Shoot for whatever you can right now. If that will spark some joy, I vote get it. Check company reviews first before purchase of course, that should tell you if they are shady or not.

If you cannot get that one, search for another through google with the same expression. I do hope you get the first one.

I am sparked by Star Wars. I get my joy watching movies over and over, listening to the music and all that. That is and was what got me through the early stages of both the chemo phase and then the brain met phase.

I can deal with staying home, but I hate that I have to feel afraid that DH has to go buy food. I should have planned ahead better. The number of cases is rising fast now, so if he can get most of the list, we will not go out for another month. And I hate that I have to be all paranoid and discard or wash all the packaging. I want to feel safe in my own home at least. Maybe this should have gone on the steam room for anger thread. But it is about fear and anxiety more than anger.

Moth~If you’re not feeling it and it gives you pause. There is a reason, I’d look For something similar Without the phrasing. You’d know if you wanted it. Now if it’s nagging a week from Now, then rethink it again. I guess in a manner of speaking it’s all in your hands. If you’ve lived a life you have loved Maybe it’s true. If you haven’t then maybe you should get artwork without monumental phrases. It’s your hearts choice for sure

Shetland ~you let your little heart out with whatever is on your mind... I’m annoyed as well. Who wants to sit in their houses knowing there is this sickness out there that is killing thousands of people. Our Mother Earth is sick.... she’s letting us know. Or someone was very careless in lab somewhere. We may never know. How do we even know anything? We’ve never been through this before, they don’t know! Plain and simple. It’s spreading like wild fire. Unreal my state has 8220 cases when I went to bed. Woke up. Now it’s 10300! How is that even possible. I’ve never seen a test. Heard of someone tested or even knew of facility to go to if you’re even sick. This entire thing is nuts!

Mel, you and your daughter are beautiful too.

BooBoo~You’re part of the family here in this living room you and your inner and outer beauty. The support you lend is amazing You’re a wonderful friend,person, sister! I agree with Mara. I wanted to hang out with you... 😃🌹

Mara~Thank you darlin I hate that picture. The worst picture in the world. But I wanted Moth to see we are all vulnerable during our way... to share my experience and let her see that I truly do understand her feelings. My DD however is beautiful. Thank You!

Moth, No matter how long "ever after" winds up being, I'd say being happy is still a good wish. Though I also like the idea of covering it.

Well, it seems my Dad rallied for me to come and that was a short rally. No fever but he's tuning out. We called hospice and I am pleased to report there are NOW liquid doses of morphine, ativan, haldol and a couple of other meds for specific issues like excessive saliva in the house.

I need to vent because I am FURIOUS at my parents' GP. They have made it clear to all of us for years that they wanted DNR, no extra measures, palliative only and physician-assisted suicide if desired. Their GP *does not believe in assisted suicide*-- despite a state law allowing it, but managed to NEVER TELL THEM this. I saw my Mom on the Nest camera asking him to make sure it was available to my dad some weeks ago and he was evasive. When I asked, he said "I will not do this." I think it's due to religious views. My parents were so clear about this even my KIDS knew that was their wish for the end, if they wanted it.

Now we have the morphine so I guess they consider it moot if you are in hospice. Nobody here to see how much we give. Yet I am still pissed at the doctor. I feel like this is a betrayal of their trust and I am contemplating a letter of complaint to the state authorities.

But for today, my dad is comfy and has only asked for morphine once. He forgot the word, and then finally arrived at "I want some....uhhh.... dope." Mostly he's just snoozing. Once when I tipped water to his lips he said "I think you are trying to take me in the wrong direction.... I want to exit." So I am very very glad to have these words from his mouth. Sad but ok. It has been very sweet and cozy being with him in these last days.