Did you tell family members :Breast cancer

I told people that I see in person, but didn't make a big Facebook post about like some people do. So a lot of people know, but not acquaintances I never see.

I told only a small number of friends and family I see regularly and who I wanted for support. That did not include many family members. Eventually, as in a couple of years later, I did tell more family members but that was so that we all have a complete family health history. My parents lived 1500 miles away and I never told them. They were in their 80s and I knew that they would worry - and they had enough of their own health issues to worry about. It might have been different if they lived nearby and could see that I was okay, but being so far away, they wouldn't have that reassurance. So it seemed kinder to them, and it certainly was easier for me, to say nothing.

I don't think "secret's" is a term that applies here. You have the absolute right to move forward with treatment and tell ONLY those who you would like to have for support. Like Bessie - I told very few people. My grown son, my ex-husband and my BFF. I didn't want well meaning friends & neighbor showing up and ringing the bell with food I couldn't eat and waking me up if I just got to sleep. Once I lost my hair, I told a few more people that I saw on a regular basis.

Do what feels best for you. lt is YOUR cancer - not anyone else. Put yourself in FIRST PLACE - something most women don't do very well.

I did not announce it publicly but told my immediate family, and my cousins so they could have a better idea of their own risk. I also told two close friends, and my boss. Others eventually found out on account of thin walls and the fact that I dropped a lot of weight and lost a lot of hair.

I tried to wait till I had complete information to share (stage, grade, size, lymph node status, treatment plan as well as my own ability to explain it all). I never considered my dx to be "secret", but instead it was personal information that I chose to share as I felt was necessary, depending on who I felt needed to know and who didn't really need to know at all.

I'm not a person to share personal information on FB since anything posted on FB has a way of getting away from us in so many iterations, so I never felt that was appropriate for me. Instead I had my own personal blog on CaringBridge.org and updated a few select people that way.

Claire in AZ

You know your family. Only you can decide if it would be more of a problem to tell them or not.

I have been very open with everyone from family members to colleagues at work. This allowed me to control the narrative and put a swift stop to any rumors and speculation. It also gave me the opportunity to educate people about stage IV and to bring the “monster” out into the light. However, as we are all different only you can decide what works best for you. Take good care.

I'm glad I don't do Facebook. I too, agree with it's YOUR cancer and up to YOU the who, when, what, where you disclose to family and friends.

My sister was diagnosed at age 50 in 2014. I was oblivious to BC and didn't know many particulars at the time. We knew when she was having surgery (BMX) who her surgeon was etc. and afterwards I clearly remember the words metastatic in an updated text a couple of months later when they discovered mets to her spine. To this day, she doesn't know where they are because she knew she would obsess over them (they found 2)-and her MO agreed to her request. Her current treatment is the Anastrozole and Xgeva shots. Our mother was in assisted living at the time, we had just lost our father earlier that year so all sibs agreed to not tell Mom. I covered for her whenever Mom asked where she was, but she did visit when she could. We hated the year 2014!!!! Mom passed in Feb. 2015.

I am glad my parents were gone by the time I was diagnosed in 2017. I had a brief panic attack going for the 1st biopsy. I felt like I couldn't breathe and couldn't get out of the car into the building. I texted my sister, she got me thru the door. She helped me a lot in the beginning and over these last few years I have learned a lot more about her journey, and she knows mine. I never thought about not telling anyone, since my husband, kids and my siblings are my world. I am glad to have many friends and relatives that care but I do not share as much information with them.

I have a large family and what seems like thousands of aunts, uncles and cousins.

I was diagnosed in Dec 2015 and had to go through the whole shebang, chemo, surgery, and radiation. I chose to tell just one of my sisters (the strongest one). I still remember her reaction. She screamed the F word then said "right so what do we do to fix this". Very pragmatic is my big Sis which is what i needed. As other said i wanted to control the narrative so i did not tell other family members or friends. Do whatever will get you through this.

I did tell my line manager but no-one else at work. I organised my Chemo for Fridays and i was back in work most Mondays. The only extended time i took off work was to have the surgery. I just told work colleagues i was having a operation. Most were respectful enough not to ask for details. One that did i more or less told her to mind her own bloody business.

I told no one except my husband, kids, and sister. (And I wouldn't have even told them if I didn't have to!) I'm almost two years out, and still no one else knows. Just wanted to keep my normal lifestyle. Didn't want pity, tears, shock, meal trains, blah blah blah. Did it all myself, and would do it exactly this way again. ; )

It took me a few weeks to come to terms with my diagnosis. I told people close to me first, then coworkers, then FB.

I felt secretive about it at first, and then I got more comfortable. It was easier for me to be very open about it. No weird interactions- just lay it out, make a joke. My friends and coworkers became comfortable talking about it and asking questions.

I had an incredible support group, and because I shared it on FB, I've been able to support 4 friends my age (!) who were diagnosed late 2019/early 2020.

Each of us will figure out our own best path. For me, not being embarrassed or ashamed has helped. I try to treat it like a knee injury or something- it happened to me, it wasn't my fault- could of happened to anyone.

My friends, family, and coworkers all treat me normally and I don't feel like anyone feels pity for me. They have shown me support and concern, but it doesn't color all of our interactions. I just feel that they care.

It seems a lot of people here are saying wait until you know more, and I think that makes sense - it allows you to control the narrative.

My own personal experience was that telling people was a godsend. The fact is treatment will likely make you tired, and not your normal self. But your true friends and family will rally to your side.

I was happy to do chemo by myself, with a bunch of movies on my computer. But I knew I always had someone willing to sit with me. And I had a blast shopping for a wig with a friend - made an emotionally draining task actually fun.

If I didn't feel like going out, friends understood. They would just come over for tea, or bring food and just sit and talk. They knew not to be insulted if I was looking disinterested - understood I had just hit my limit for that day. The mothers of my son's friends (some of whom I barely knew) took him under their wings like doting hens. Fed him wonderful meals, took him on trips, brought him into their families and gave him a sense of normalcy when he most needed it. And my co-workers were amazing. Taking on extra responsibilities gave my staff a sense of accomplishment, and a concrete way of helping me get through it. It helped us all bond as a team, and three years later we still all have each others' backs.

I know I was incredibly lucky, especially at work. And some people will inevitably disappoint. Everyone is different in their need for privacy, so tell people only when and if you're ready, and only as much as you want. You can see how different people react, and edit your message accordingly.

I think many here would say waiting to start treatment is the toughest time. Sending you only the best wishes!