Possible bone met - scared for my wife

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PaulieNC
PaulieNC Member Posts: 2
edited January 2020 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis

My wife was Dx'd in March of 2008 with Stage 1, N0, and has had regular follow ups with NED. Some leg pain sent her to an orthopedic doc and now x-rays and MRI seem to point to metastatic disease in her proximal femur. It looks isolated but she hasn't had a full bone scan. Biopsy is pending referral from her oncologist. We're scared (I'm a little farther along the terror spectrum than she is), of course, but I'm writing just to ask for any opinions about how to best support her during this time. I'm new here so if I'm violating any forum rules I'm sorry about that. Thank you for any suggestions. 

PaulieNC

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2020

    Hi Paulie, and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

    We're so very sorry for the reasons that bring you here, but we're really glad you've found us. We know you'll find great support and advice here soon -- we're all here for you and your wife!

    Of course it's fine that you've posted in this forum -- you're sure to get responses soon. In addition, we'd like to suggest you introduce yourself on the For Family and Caregivers of Loved Ones With a Stage IV Diagnosis, where others in your situation can share their experiences and advice on supporting your wife.

    We are sending our very best and looking forward to hearing how she's doing. Please keep us posted as you find out more.

    --The Mods

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  • blah333
    blah333 Member Posts: 270
    edited January 2020

    I'm sorry you haven't received a response yet on this. It is always good to see supportive husbands on here. This is out of my realm of experience but I do know that there is a bone mets thread that seems to be quite active. You can add your post there and hopefully will get some more feedback. Lots of women on this board have been through what you're describing, and the worry.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...

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  • Partyoffive
    Partyoffive Member Posts: 188
    edited January 2020

    hi

    I think it’s great that you are on here seeking advice on how to help your wife. I know for me I want my husband to go to appts with me so there is a second set of ears when you are nervous or upset you forget to ask questions and don’t always remember everything that was said. I also want my husband to be positive without being fake. I am stage 4 with many bone mets and have been stable for almost 7 years. It’s very scary and your wife will go through many emotions it’s like dealing with a death-you grieve for the life you thought you were going to have and have to adjust to a new set of expectations. You will need to be patient and understanding of her many emotions but you can come out on the other side and have a happy fulfilling life-it’s not the life I was expecting but I’ll take every day that I get and find joy in it. I’ve been very lucky to have had no progression and I’m able to work and do everything I used to do and more. Good luck to you both.

    Kristin

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited January 2020

    I am sorry your wife is dealing with this, and am glad she has such a caring and supportive spouse. I agree with others. Be there for her, go to appointments with her (and write things down), encourage her to come to these forums for information and support. Many women with bone mets live for many, many years, so assume she will be one until proven otherwise, but also do not put off taking trips and doing things you've "always wanted to do".

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  • PaulieNC
    PaulieNC Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2020

    Thank you, PartyOfFive and KBeee. On Thursday, our oncologist told us that the immediate goal is to deal with what is probably a bone met (biopsy is pending), but he added repeatedly, "there is nothing here to threaten your life, now or in the future," and, "you're going to live a long time." My wife is having trouble believing him, which is hard for me to understand because her trust in him (he is widely respected, not given to undue optimism, and nearly canonized in this area) has been a constant since her Dx 12 years ago. More testing to come and the journey continues. I hope that if I get some of my anxiety out here, I can be tougher and stronger at home for her. Many thanks to all of you for reading, and helping me try to do that. Love to all.

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited January 2020

    Bone metastasis is painful, but not immediately life threatening. Mets to organs are more immediately life threatening (though women can live several years with mets to organs). There are women on these boards who are here over 10 years with bone mets. The goal of treatment once cancer spreads outside the breast is controlling its spread, rather than curative, however. A big thing in your wife's favor is that there were many years between her diagnosis and the metastasis, which could mean that it is slow growing and spreading. The other good thing is that it appears to be an isolated met. After biopsy they should have a plan which may include radiating it and some sort of systemic treatment. I have many friends dealing with this and my best advice would be to take it appointment by appointment. The immediate goal is to get to "no evidence of disease" which would be huge. But as I said earlier, don't put things off that the two of you want to do together such as travel, etc. Keep us posted.

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