Making Love to Her After Mastectomy

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Andiloveherso
Andiloveherso Member Posts: 4
edited January 2020 in LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer

So...my love had a bilateral mastectomy, no reconstructive surgery last spring. I had the incredible, holy privilege of emptying her drains, checking on her surgery site until she felt ready to look, and walking alongside her on this journey.

She is the bravest most beautiful and humble woman I have ever known.

We have been together for five years now, the first same-gender relationship for both of us, and the last any-gender relationship for me anyway, as she is the “One" and it was worth the 40+ year wait to find love!

Ah but I go on and on...sorry!

Tomorrow night she believes she will be ready for us to resume love making. We have been cuddling, kissing, making love that way, a little at a time since the surgery but tomorrow she feels ready for more.

I am thrilled! I feel like a teenager! I want to do this right, though. She isn't one to tell me what she wants and likes in words, no way, super shy that way. So I know I will need to pay attention to the non-verbal cues, and I know everyone is different, but, dear brave women who have gone through this, can you give me some “dos" and “don'ts" in so far as your experience?

Love and prayers to all of you!

Thank you

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  • santabarbarian
    santabarbarian Member Posts: 3,085
    edited January 2020

    I did not have a Mx, only a Lx, but I will share that there can be areas of numbness or mild pain in the areas of incisions or scars, even for a Lx, and that these spots may be more or less sensitive.... she may be uncomfortable with certain pressures or kinds of touches in these areas with "buzzy" nerves. That is going to be individual but it is likely to be true of most women post-surgery so ask. I would think gentle light grazing touching would be a safe bet.


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  • Andiloveherso
    Andiloveherso Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2020

    Thank you so very, very much for your thoughts and feelings. I really appreciate your willingness to share. Prayers and good thoughts to you :

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  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited January 2020

    You already have it right as you are sensitive to her needs and non verbal cues. Do not stress. Enjoy one another and be so thankful for each other.

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  • Partyoffive
    Partyoffive Member Posts: 188
    edited January 2020

    Andiloveherso-you are already ahead of the game-anticipating her wants and needs is amazing and it seems like are both brave women. I know for me even when I was ready I was surprised at what bothered me. It’s been 7 years for me and I’m still dont like to have my chest touched(it’s mostly numb but feels strange) I did tell my husband that it wasn’t him just something I didn’t enjoy anymore. And oddly enough for the first year I did like feel of oral sex-I’m not sure if it was hormone related or if I just felt uncomfortable in my body but we have slowly gotten our groove back. Good luck and have fun

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