feeling overwhelmed

Hi. I want to introduce myself, as I have no specific questions, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed at the moment.

I am 42 and have IDC, grade 2, ER/PR+ and I'm going in for surgery on Friday (probably a lumpectomy, but maybe a mastectomy and also they're removing my lymph nodes for testing). My tumor is 4.3 cm, so I'll be going through chemo after this and probably also radiation.

I was living overseas when I found the lump. I put off going to the doctor for several months (I have to cross a border to see my doctor, plus no family history - it was not the smartest decision, but here we are...). On my first appointment in October, they did an ultrasound and a FNA. The biopsy results came back as suspected malignancy and the doctor recommended a lumpectomy, and said that's likely all I would need. I had already been planning on moving home in January, so I decided to take sick leave and move home early for treatment. (I figured going back and forth across the border for treatment was not the best idea, I was moving home anyways, plus my surgery would have been done in a place currently with a lot of political unrest - and luckily, in my province, I was able to get health care coverage back as soon as I had landed.) With a lot of help from my friends, I packed up 8.5 years of my life and moved my dog and I back home to stay with my parents. This was done in two weeks.

Everything has taken a bit longer here, but I know I have some of the best medical care in the world. Before my diagnosis, I was already planning on living with my parents for awhile, but that was because I was thinking of starting a business and also to help them with some of their own health issues that have come up over the past few years (they are in their 70s). They live an hour out of the city, in a small town of about 500 people. My sisters both live a province away.

I don't have my own vehicle and my dad feels uncomfortable with me driving theirs (understandable, because he worries about my mom's health if something happens). My plan was to buy a car right away of my own, but it's taken longer than I hoped. (His own health issues, the weather and just not having enough emotional energy.) This means I have to rely on him for rides to appointments, and makes it harder to access the resources and support in the city (he will always drive me if I want/need, but I know it's hard on him).

I'm single, and have always wanted a partner/kids, but it's just never happened. I went to see a fertility specialist the other day to see about freezing my eggs, while fully knowing that it's probably not a great option at my age. Basically, it would cost the amount of a car just for the drugs and procedure to freeze them, and I'd only have about a 10-20% chance of ever conceiving anyways. And I still don't know much about the prognosis of my cancer until after surgery anyways. But now I'm emotionally stuck - I don't feel like I can buy the car that would help me be able to access the support in the city. That's most of my savings. It's either a car or freezing my eggs. I am starting to shut down emotionally, which is not very healthy. It's just so hard.

I do have a couple friends that I've known for 40+ years around. One close to where I live, and one in the city. My parents have been amazing, but it's hard on them too. I have been living out the of the country for about 16 years and am very independent. It's hard suddenly being back in my childhood home and not having much independence and trying to deal with all of this. I'm an academic, and yet, I can't bring myself to do much reading about it. My nurse navigator is wonderful, but I often don't even know what to ask her.

Anyways - that was way longer than I meant for it to be. I'll manage it all, but I'm just really overwhelmed by having breast cancer and all these sudden life changes at the same time.