Feel like a deer in the headlights

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NewGrandma48
NewGrandma48 Member Posts: 6
edited January 2020 in Waiting for Test Results

After a screening MRI due to high familial risk, I had a MRI guided biopsy on Thursday and an US guided biopsy on Friday. I have an appointment to receive my results this Wednesday, 12/18. I feel absolutely paralyzed to do anything...like a deer that is caught in the headlights and waiting a split second to figure out whether jumping left or right will result in a good outcome.

I know many of us are in the same boat and I am thankful that almost all my care providers have been attentive, answered questions and been patient when my anxiety affected my ability to focus on their words. I am also thankful that I went into the biopsies with an appointment already set for the results. My family has been really supportive and my husband is the best attending all my appointments and creating Excel spreadsheets of medical histories, medicines, etc. to keep track of it all.

Unfortunately parallels to my mother's diagnosis in 1992 (same age and grand baby just born) has just got me fearing I am repeating a family genetic predisposition not found yet. I lost my mother, grandmother and maternal aunt due to BC but I have tested negative for all the known genes. And I do not know anything about the kind of BC each one had since that technology did not exist. Even with the radiologist telling me she had low suspicion I know you don't really know until that lab report is ready.

All that said...I just can't function normally at the moment and then I feel guilty because I am getting excellent love and support and know there are others that get absolutely no support at all.

I just needed to put it out there with others who know what this is like. Thanks.

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited December 2019

    Deliberately do something silly and frivolous or just fun while you wait. Watch a goofy movie, go to a concert, head to a zoo. Worrying is a choice. Choose to not worry.

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited December 2019

    What Alice said!! And know that treatment options have greatly improved, and still are.

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  • Amy1970
    Amy1970 Member Posts: 11
    edited December 2019

    NewGrandma48, checking in to see how you’re faring; I hope you have some answers and that your holiday was filled with joy!

    Amy

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  • Cynthia451
    Cynthia451 Member Posts: 9
    edited January 2020

    Just wanted to say write and say that I am sorry you are going through this. I understand exactly what you mean by saying that you just can't function. I was supposed to have my double masectomy on wednesday, but have had to postpone it because I have suddenly developed very high blood pressure and have had to go on medicine for it. It's rescheduled for 2/26. However, my internist thinks I may calm down if I have a lumpectomy instead. I also feel guilty that I just can't seem to pull myself together.

    I was diagnosed in 9/19 with stage 0 DCIS in Situ. My mother had breast cancer, but didn't die from that. She died of thyroid cancer at 59 and I am 50

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  • NewGrandma48
    NewGrandma48 Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2020

    Thank you all for your replies. I had to step away from computer for awhile to process my feelings.

    My results were negative in the left breast. My right breast results were negative, as well. However, the pathology report show cell changes that my surgeon does not like to see so I will have a repeat MRI in June to see if additional changes have happened that need to be repeat biopsied. I also had to deal with a rather large and painful hematoma at the left biopsy site that is still healing. The MRI guided biopsy was the procedure I dreaded the most and it ended up the US biopsy gave me the most trouble. Go figure!

    It has been a full month since my biopsies and I have been able to pinpoint a lot of baggage connected with the loss of my family to breast cancer, fear of breast cancer and sibling comments that were extremely hurtful and not helpful at all. My husband, children, friends and medical staff are awesome. But it only takes a few thoughtless comments to really hurt.

    When I wrote my post I was frozen in fear and it's okay to have moments of fear. I also learned it is ok to share my fear with my husband because he was fearful, too. Neither one of us wanted to admit this because we were both trying to be strong for each other. Once we were able to share our fear we both felt stronger. We did push through prior to the results appointment and were in a much better mindset when it came time to speak with my surgeon. I cannot say that fears will not crop up again closer to June when I have my next MRI. I now have come to realize that tests every six months (alternating MRI and 3d Mammo) will be my new normal and could possibly save my life. For this I am thankful. I am also thankful that I have the ability to receive the screenings that so many women are unable to receive.

    Cynthia451 I hope you have someone you can speak with about your fears and anxiety. It is a very real issue that should be discussed without guilt. I hope that your blood pressure will get under control so you can move forward with the treatment you need. Feel free to private message me if you need.

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