Husband Uninterested.. Sex is painful.. Help!

My husband and I have both noticed a decline in our libidos since my BMX in Aug. I did not have reconstruction and while my husband has seen my scars, he has said he feels like I should be the one to initiate him looking at them. When we talk about the changes in our lives since my surgery, it occurs to me that we are still reeling somewhat from the cancer dx and surgery. We are not particularly concerned about it at this point and are waiting for our emotions to “restore”. I really do trust we will get back to our “normal” selves eventually. In the meantime, we spend time in intimate conversation and affection towards one another. The bc dx has brought us closer in many ways. Give yourselves some time and remain close in other ways.

No but your friend sounds oblivious. Breast augmentation or implants when you still have your breasts is totally different then having implants put in after removing ALL breast tissue and nipples. I have seen women online say things like "well if I have breast cancer I am going to get a brand new pair! and bigger" or comments like that, as if it's just a replacement/upgrade. Personally I did not get reconstruction for various reasons, but to some people if you look the same in a shirt as you did before (but maybe now "perkier" and bigger) than all must be cool and maybe even better...

You are right though - it is sad. Breast cancer is sad, especially for younger women. I was in my physical prime and hot and had great breasts when this happened to me at 35. I hate seeing women flash their tits on social media and do all kinds of things that is somehow empowering to them but is just alienating to me. And it all seems so unfair. I've also dealt with friends who I thought were smart and receptive people - say idiotic clueless things. Some harmless, like asking if I could still breastfeed (post-mastectomy) if I had kids, another, after me talking about dreading finding a swimsuit - suggesting I could get reconstruction (uh, I don't want to change the whole path I'm on I just wish it was easier to find a swimsuit and I don't think I even tried on clothes for a year, but all good now), or just attempts at making jokes that were unnecessary. I would be more open about my situation if I didn't realize how warped people's ideas about breast cancer are. Or ideas about gender/identity/the body whatever...... People just don't get it especially in your 30s, NOBODY I know is going through this, it's all people's moms... It has gotten a little easier though, and will get easier for you! I now just limit who I talk to about these things.

Sorry that doesn't help regarding your husband but I imagine you'll have another friend say something kind of stupid that stings a little in the future. It is basically just ignorance. Try not to take it personally.

How was your relationship with your husband before all of this? Things are still pretty fresh. You should try to have a conversation of some kind or I hope you're at least snuggling and having other kinds of physical exchanges. He might worry you are too fragile for it or have some other hang up that is much different from him not being attracted to you any more or some form of rejection. He might even think he is being respectful by not trying to touch you there. You have to talk to him and find out!

Also stinks you are going through menopause (so early/due to AI) that terrifies me. It sounds like you are handling things better than he is. You are still very young, he may be shocked you are having to even deal with this so soon. Some men are very supportive (and even come onto this forum trying to figure out how they can help their partner) while some men become cowards, or selfish, or leave their wives after they are diagnosed, it's insane. Hopefully this is just a difficult phase (not unlike what couples go through when a child is born) that you will pull out of.

Thanks for bringing up the testosterone pellets! I was getting them for years before my cancer diagnosis and they have helped me so much. I'm seeing the oncologist on Thursday for the first time (had surgery 3 weeks ago) and I thought she would say I would have to stop that treatment with my cancer is ER+ and PR+, but maybe not. Thanks again!