Off the scale terrified

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lifeb4me
lifeb4me Member Posts: 39
edited January 2020 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

Hi Everyone,

I am so scared. I found a large lump under my collarbone, near my shoulder. It’s a place I don’t really touch, that’s why I didn’t find it earlier, I think. My arm was acting out, but I thought it was cording getting worse. My arm has never felt normal after the lumpectomy and SNB. So I went to my BS, who got really worried ordered scans and sent me to my MO. They are both talking like it’s a sure thing it’s a recurrence in the infraclavicular lymph node. He says if it’s not spread it’s “curable” and if not it’s controllable. That he has patients 16 years MBC. The scan tecs haven’t said anything, but one asked me what lesion the doctor was talking about in the scan order. I don’t know if that’s good, that she can’t see any metastasis or bad, there are do many. Well, I have recieved an alert that the results of the scintiography are on the portal. My MO said he was going to discuss the case at the tumor board last week and that the imaging center also participated and would input information, although the results wouldn’t be in yet. After the meeting he messaged me that we have to biopsy the lymph node, nothing more. Here’s my problem I don’t have the courage to open the result, I’m too scared there will be Mets, but I also am super anxious to get this over with. As long as I don’t know it’s not real, right? You are all so good at giving support, please help me. Ah, I haven’t told my husband or anybody yet, so I’m on my own right now.

Thank

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  • ps0705
    ps0705 Member Posts: 122
    edited November 2019

    I'm sorry and hope it turns out to be "nothing". I found several lumps on the dx side after reconstruction including near my armpit. It turned out to be oil cysts, so it was benign. Try to keep yourself calm.

    Hugs to you

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  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 1,540
    edited November 2019

    lifeb4me:

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. You don't have to look at the results if you don't want to. It's perfectly ok to have the doctor deliver them in person if you would prefer that.

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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited November 2019

    It’s scary but knowing really is the best thing. If it’s benign, great move on with less fear than you’re dealing with now. If it is mets, then you’ll discuss everything and come up with a plan, which should give you some feeling of control, hopefully. I’m sorry and wish you the best.

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  • ctmbsikia
    ctmbsikia Member Posts: 1,095
    edited November 2019

    Knowledge is power. Once you know what you are dealing with the fear will lessen. Take care wish you the best. My sister living with MBC and she’s doing great. Stable disease for 4 yrs so far.

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited November 2019

    I agree that knowledge is power. Once you know, you can make a plan. You will definitely should let hubby know either way.

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  • lifeb4me
    lifeb4me Member Posts: 39
    edited December 2019

    Thank you for your kind words. I needed that and it gave me solace and courage. I am copying the post I wrote in Chemo September 2016. It is a recurrence but no Mets.

    Well Everyone, I wish us all a very healthy 2020. I was fine until my 3 year checkup. I had been having some pain in my armpit, thought it was more cording. Suddenly I found a lump near my collarbone, next to the axila. My doctor got worried, ordered scans and it was a huge intrapectoral node. It wasn't noticed because it's outside the mammogram area. So, biopsy confirmed cancer is back, but TN this time around. I have started chemo again last December. This time I'm cold capping, hoping to save my hair. Silver lining, no Mets. It's not in the breast or anywhere else, just this one 5 cm lymph node. Don't accept mammograms only. Ask for scans

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited January 2020

    I am sorry to hear you are dealing with a recurrence, but thankful that there are no mets. I dealt with the same thing in 2015. (((HUGS))) Hoping you are tolerating chemo okay and that it kicks this beast to the curb once and for all!

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