De Novo metastatic life opening experience

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Nahlita
Nahlita Member Posts: 1
edited December 2019 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

How do I start to describe the rollercoaster my life has taken over the past 6 weeks from worrying about a small lump to discover that the cancer has already metastasised to my liver!! I have gone through hope anger depression and all the spectrum of emotions in a few days and now I am left with an incredible sense of serenity . Every night before falling asleep I count the experiences I have had and even though people will call them hardships I feel them as blessings. The first thing I do when I wake up is take deep breath and smile and try to find the little things that will keep me happy and smile. I am learning to live each day as it comes and stop worrying much about tomorrow. I admit sometimes I search about scary topics such as prognosis and survival time but at the end I ask myself does it really matter? What matters now is how will my children family and friends remember me, a carefree happy woman who enjoyed her last days weeks or months and make them count or just kept crying and complaining

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited December 2019

    We are very sorry to hear what you are going through and sending you gentle hugs There are so many treatment options now. We are here to help you sort it out. Please share what your team is planning.

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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited December 2019

    It’s definitely a shock but finding the joy in people, moments, etc. make it much easier to deal with. Good luck to you :)

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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited December 2019

    Nahlita, I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I had a reawakening, too, in the beginning. I used to care a lot about unimportant things, and get upset or angry when things didn't go the way I thought they would. Now I see beauty in the ordinary, most days. I read a quote somewhere that went something like, "What if all the suffering in my life was just a story I told myself?" Would I still feel so bad all the time?

    The truth was, I was holding onto a lot of old grief about things I needed to move on from. I feel lighter now. I wish I didn't have to take a lot of harsh medications to have that experience, but I am still glad to be in this better mental space.

    Please keep posting in BCO. You will learn so much and you will find great sympathy and warmth, and some days, you will be the sympathy and warmth to others. Welcome.

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited December 2019

    well said Nine...

    I also diagnosed denovo. It flips your world upside down. Just put your head down, ears open wide. And get through the treatments. Take one day at a time. Don’t google. Those are outdated stats.. I will be NEAD four years Jan 22,2019. Sometimes you find your treatment. The treatments are many. It’s no picnic, but we live on. I’m wrapping you in supportive hugs.

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