Waiting is ruining my holiday spirit

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Lisas15192327
Lisas15192327 Member Posts: 2
edited December 2019 in Waiting for Test Results

I love the holidays. Normally I am a super fun, let’s bake all the cookies and do all the fun stuff mom. But I am currently waiting biopsy results (only three days post procedure) and I am just so distracted.

We have four children ages 11,10,9 and 5. I am only 32. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 12. I also recently discovered that a sister whom I don’t speak with or have a relationship ( we were separated as kids) also has breast cancer.

I went for a mammogram and then was called back and told they wanted an mri. So I had the mri and then was called and told I needed a mri guided core biopsy for a non mass enhancement in the lower inner quadrant of my right breast. I haven’t read report, I don’t know what birads i am or the shape of the area.

I was doing really well with the “not going to until I have to worry” but I feel as if every kind of cancer commercial, cancer notice on the radio and billboard is in my face all the time now.

My children have no idea because I don’t want to worry them.

I just want my holiday spirit back so I can enjoy Christmas with my kids! Especially because I know most biopsies come back fine

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  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited December 2019

    Lisa, I'm sorry you're here and have so many reasons to worry. Waiting for information is very very hard. I can't help you with that, but encourage you to go ahead and BAKE the cookies! And also turn off the tv and radio. If you'd like to listen to something while the kids are in school, try podcasts or music of your own. That won't keep you from thinking about it, but it might be a little quieter in your head.

    Blessings...

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  • momand2kids
    momand2kids Member Posts: 1,508
    edited December 2019

    Lisa

    I am so sorry this has happened and at your favorite time of year. The same thing happened to me- and it was hard to get through the holidays knowing that we were still collecting info about my situation-- I will say this--we did not share it (which was hard for me) but we just did not have enough info and did not get it until a week into the new year.... so I just sat with the info- and worked really hard to enjoy the holiday--- made cookies, went to the swap, hosted the family-- all of it-- and I am glad I did...

    It is 11 years later, I am great-- and we got through it all back then and honestly, barely remember it... so it is in the forefront right now- but you will have an answer soon and that answer will lead you to the solutions (or hopefully to a benign result). But I agree- make the cookies and enjoy those babies!!! You will know what you need to know soon enough.

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  • Scrafgal
    Scrafgal Member Posts: 631
    edited December 2019

    Dec 23, 2016, I had a biopsy and had to wait through Christmas until Dec 27 to get the results. I think it is normal to be distracted. Yes, do everything you can to continue the holiday traditions but don't beat up on yourself for being distracted.

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited December 2019

    I found it helpful while waiting (and later between appointments and procedures) to deliberately do as many fun things as possible. It was for me AND for my family. Cookie time!

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  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited December 2019

    Lisa’s; My heart is with you. I had my Mx a week before Xmas. I love that some can be distracted from this crap. Like you, I was consumed by it. But what did work for me was being around others. I did better at work. Once your children are off for the holidays and perhaps family too, try to get lost in their energy. Remember, unlike me, you have not yet been dx’d. And then, fake it. Your fear and anxiety may not be as obvious to others. Seeing your children enjoy the holidays will pull you in. And just relish in those fleeting moments of happiness. And don’t beat yourself up for the consuming fear. It is so understandable. And there will be many more Christmases to enjoy. Six years later, I still love the holidays.

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  • LPLlibrarygirl
    LPLlibrarygirl Member Posts: 88
    edited December 2019

    Dear Lisa,

    I am also so sorry for all the scary stuff you are going through. When I got my mammo call back last year I didn't think much about it as I had had call backs before. But that routine mammogram was different... I remember waiting for genetic testing results and oncotype test results (which would indicate if I needed chemo) at Thanksgiving. I told myself the news was bad and they just didn't want to ruin my holiday so they weren't telling me. Waiting is so hard and I find that the longer I wait I just imagine the worst possible scenarios. And I know exactly what you mean about feeling that those cancer drug commercials, newspaper articles, magazine features, etc. are meant specifically for you. I do that too. Last week I was anxious about having my one year mammogram and when I turned on my computer there was some sort of a pop-up about gastric cancer. I know that ILC can often reappear that way and I felt immediately that I had it, then started googling and finding symptoms...on and on. My doctor reassured me that I did not have gastric cancer, but when I am stressed and worried I also get carried away with thinking the worst.

    I am glad you found this website. You will find so much caring concern and support from everyone here. But mostly, I hope you won't need it.

    Sending hugs and peaceful wishes.

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  • Lisas15192327
    Lisas15192327 Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2019

    thank you everyone. I told the kids they could skip school tomorrow and we could go visit Christmas village and be the only ones there. I think that will help.

    It’s not so much the idea that it may be bad news. Whatever happens happens and I will deal with it, it’s the not knowing that is the hard part!

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  • DeeDeeT405
    DeeDeeT405 Member Posts: 44
    edited December 2019

    I’m right with you Lisa. I had my biopsy the day before Thanksgiving and they weren’t able to get a good sample. I met with the breast surgeon earlier this week, and had an MRI this morning. It’s very hard to concentrate on anything but this, all while trying to have a “normal” Christmas for the kuds

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