Deanna

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2019

    Bliss,

    I just read your comment today. Thank you for the compliment. One thing I have been feeling, particularly with respect to Deanna’s passing, is guilt. Guilt that she worked hard on nutrition, lifestyle, learning about alternatives etc. I on the other hand, have been comparatively cavalier about living an “anti-cancer” lifestyle. I do eat well, am active, not overweight etc. but I never worry about sweets, alcohol or a big ole’ hamburger if the fancy strikes me. Yet, I’m the one who is still living. This has happened more than once and makes me feel guilty and unworthy in the face of those who tried much harder to live a clean lifestyle. It doesn’t seem at all fair

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited August 2019

    Caryn,

    Today I found out about my longtime friend here GracieM passed away July 5,2019. I know exactly how you must feel. I’ve felt that way and you have survived double what I have with stage four. Please remember, you’re a good woman, who shares herself and teaches. You’re a great friend to those who know you. Try to remember that you’re loved. I always cry so hard, my DH holds me and says. There are no answers, we must love for them and live for them. We have no choice. Hugs strong woman

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2019

    micmel,

    That was absolutely lovely, thank you. It's just difficult for me to see folks trying to do anything and everything to live. While I carry on fairly normally, I Iive and they don't. Shouldn't the people who try harder be rewarded?

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited August 2019

    I am with you as we trudge through the cement we walk through. Daily. image

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  • new2bc
    new2bc Member Posts: 559
    edited December 2019

    I just found out about Deanna while I was looking to find her latest post. She helped me when I was first diagnosed. She was a kind person always inspiring us to deal with our disease and be hopeful. She will be definitely missed here. RIP

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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited December 2019

    I miss Deanna, too. She was so kind and generous with her knowledge and time.

    And I also feel survivor guilt, or a kind of nihilism when I read about bco members who follow healthy protocols, way more than I do, and who have everything to live for, while I am a cynical curmudgeon with no one counting on me. Emotions can get toxic. I reached out recently to the social worker at my cancer center, and she was a mess (sort of scattered, and advising on things she was qualified to, like social security benefits). Even people familiar with our world don't really have much to tell us. We turn to each other. Deanna was one of the calm clear voices of comfort and strength. May she rest in peace.

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