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Fissie
Fissie Member Posts: 12
edited December 2019 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

i have googled looking for active forums. I just want to talk to someone who gets it. I find the wait so lonely. There does not seem to be anything out there. No one not going through this understands the feelings you go through in the span of 5 minutes. I wish there was a place to talk to those who went through it already. Just unraveling. Can you tell? Tomorrow is my appointment. I don’t know if i will make it. Focal assymetry seen on 2 views in posterior upper quadrant of left breast. Compared to past screening. Breast tenderness. It was sporadic before this but after the call back boy - it seems persistent. I did have what i thought was underarm fat I noticed a few months ago but maybe swollen nodes??? Never felt a lump, pea or grape sized so i am worried about that and what is the difference? At times it felt like something extra there. Maybe my fat masked it?! All of this has me preparing for the worst. Not sure if i will sleep tonight!

Thanks for listening!

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  • DorothyB
    DorothyB Member Posts: 305
    edited December 2019

    This board is one of the most balanced, helpful places I have found.

    Waiting to see if you will have a cancer diagnosis is a really tough time! It is so easy to freak out.

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  • Fissie
    Fissie Member Posts: 12
    edited December 2019

    It truly is Dororthy! I went back and looked at my notes that I wrote when she called me from the center. I have refrained from googling symptoms except for reading here. I am so worried, She kept saying it was deep near chest wall. Reading here doesn't make that a great scenario. I am a hot mess!

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited December 2019

    While the idea of cancer is super scary one thing that I was surprised about that it is ok to take your time to research your options and and talk to different doctors and get second opinions as well. If it takes a month ok it does. You do not progress that quickly to make a difference. My tumor could not be felt at all and I had dense tissues. I just had a great radiologist who picked it up to catch it since it could not be seen easily on mamo or felt in an exam. Waiting is hardest and decisions are hardest after the diagnosis. Then you move into treatment and deal with all that comes after that. Best of luck to you.

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  • dysonsphere
    dysonsphere Member Posts: 204
    edited December 2019

    I was in your place a few weeks ago. I was not even concerned when I had my yearly mammogram and then I received my results on my online chart and read the words "malignancy suspect". Everything has changed since then. But I think the reason I was so scared is that I spend most of my life trying to be oblivious to serious things like breast cancer. And now I couldn't. Not every call back will turn out to be cancer. I hope that everything turns out okay. I know that the waiting and not having anyone that understands that despair, well, it sucks. It is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but just know that the likelihood is that it's not cancer, but even if it is, you can handle it.

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  • Fissie
    Fissie Member Posts: 12
    edited December 2019

    I know you know! There is nothing I can do about what will be. Tomorrow can very well be a life changer for me. I am also a realist. And I am not sure that type of person is a good one when going through something like this. Thank you for responding, everyone. It helps more than you know!


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  • Beaverntx
    Beaverntx Member Posts: 3,183
    edited December 2019

    Fissie, my tumor was also very deep, the top was barely identified on mammogram and it could not be felt in manual exam. I had a lumpectomy and radiation and am now on an antihormonal. Also approaching my two year mark. It is doable although not likely what any of us would choose! The waiting time at the beginning is a very difficult time. Hang in there and keep us posted, please

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  • kikind
    kikind Member Posts: 42
    edited December 2019

    Fissie, this forum is full of amazing, supportive people who have or are going through the same thing. I've been trying to be positive for the sake of my family because I don't want them to worry. But you can say whatever you are feeling here. Everyone just gets it. And truly wants to be there for you. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and sending good thoughts. I know it's scary, believe me, but you can do it. Let us know how it goes, ok?

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  • godisone
    godisone Member Posts: 100
    edited December 2019

    You can talk to me..i vividl remember how horrific the wait was. Do not want to recall that moment ever in my life but I am here for you. You are in y thoughts. Good luck for the diagnosis.xoxo

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  • Fissie
    Fissie Member Posts: 12
    edited December 2019

    thank you all so very much! As you can imagine i have very disrupted sleep tonight. I haven’t been able to turn off my mind. Every time i close my eyes, my thoughts go somewhere terrible. This is the single worst thing ever. Regardless of what i find out tomorrow, i am changed. I will do my best to help others. It makes me realize how very little i was supportive of my few friends who have walked this path before me. I guess you don’t know what you don’t know.

    And my poor husband! He has no idea what to say or do.

    Right now i am thinking that i would never be strong enough to walk this path.

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  • MonicaBstrong
    MonicaBstrong Member Posts: 65
    edited December 2019

    Fissie...I found strength to walk this path in this forum. Hope all is well.

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  • Yogatyme
    Yogatyme Member Posts: 2,349
    edited December 2019

    Fissie, you have come to the right place and you are wise to stay off google. I had myself scared to death by googling and then I found this forum. It is full of great information and everyone here “gets it”. You are in the dreaded waiting stage and it ramps up anxiety like crazy. One you have a diagnosis and a plan, things feel a little more in control. Remember, not all call backs result in breast cancer dx.

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