Going crazy as appointment gets closer

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Kerri-on-cloud9
Kerri-on-cloud9 Member Posts: 19
edited November 2019 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

It will be a total of 21 days since feeling a lump in my right breast and my US and mammogram appointment. In these past three weeks I’ve self-diagnosed myself with every type of cancerous and benign condition I could read up on. The bottom line is, the lump hasn’t gotten any smaller and that fact makes me so worried. I haven’t had a good night sleep. Some days my hands literally shake. I’ve been “medicating” with wine and more wine. It’s the only thing that helps me momentarily forget the testing that is scheduled for this Friday. And the fact that I’ll probably still need a biopsy and that the torturous waiting part is not over yet.

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  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited November 2019

    I know. The waiting is the worst part of it all, imo. I’m sorry you are facing this. Keep in mind, 80% of biopsies are benign. There could be a multitude of reasons why you have this lump. Try to remain positive. You don’t know anything until you know. Keeping you in my thoughts.

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited November 2019

    Chill. Do something fun. Watch a goofy movie. Have lunch or dinner with friends. Go on a day trip or a weekend getaway. And no matter what happens, keep doing the fun things between appointments, tests, and procedures. That way, when you look back on this time, you'll have some balance. My breast surgeon would laugh because I was never home when she called, sometimes in a state park with iffy reception.

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited November 2019

    Agree with Alice, find something fun to take your mind away. Waiting is the absolute worst part of this. And remember, Dr. Google is NOT your friend.

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  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited November 2019

    Kerri - there's some good advice above.

    Just a thought - you might pick one of your threads and keep posting in the same place so those of us who want to follow up can see the history & progression.

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  • arizonaboundgal
    arizonaboundgal Member Posts: 88
    edited November 2019

    I hear you on it all, Kerri! My search history in the weeks after my initial bad mammography was that of an obsessed woman. I googled and googled some more and actually gave myself a headache some days. The strange thing was, I knew it was a big waste of my time, but couldn't help myself. It gave my comfort in some weird way. As others have said, the waiting is most certainly the worst. Hang in there and good luck on Friday.

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  • Elamom
    Elamom Member Posts: 49
    edited November 2019

    I’m right there with ya. Waited for 3 weeks after my dr found a lump for today’s ultrasound. Today I found out that that breast is fine but there is a suspicious shadowing in the other one. So now I wait again for a diagnostic mammogram. Waiting is the worst. Hang in there! Hope everything goes well for you Friday.

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  • MamaAvery
    MamaAvery Member Posts: 47
    edited November 2019

    The waiting is the hardest part, for sure. The Googling is just maddening and really isn’t helpful. Of course I read that, then googled anyway, then finally stopped. Filling my time as much with my kids and just being occupied has helped a lot.

    For me the waiting has gotten better. I had the mammogram and us on 10/02, the biopsy on 10/10, met with the breast surgeon on 10/23, and then on Friday I have my excisional biopsy/lumpectomy. One last round of waiting for me, hopefully. I likely have a Fibroadenoma, but there’s a risk for phyllodes with them and mine doesn’t act completely typical. Fingers crossed though.

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  • Yogatyme
    Yogatyme Member Posts: 2,349
    edited November 2019

    I think all the googling during the dreaded waiting is an attempt to get some control. All of the initial procedures require waiting and opens the door to allowing for every possibility, which in turn becomes overwhelming. That’s why at least taking breaks from it are important. I spent a lot of time watching funny YouTube videos. Hang in there and let us know how it is going.


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  • Kerri-on-cloud9
    Kerri-on-cloud9 Member Posts: 19
    edited November 2019

    I love all the love that is here Thank you ladies, doing my best to hang in there until the next step


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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited November 2019

    There must be something wrong with me. It never occurred to me to Google (Booble?) for information. I trusted all the booklets and other information my surgeon gave me.

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  • MamaAvery
    MamaAvery Member Posts: 47
    edited November 2019

    I cracked up at Booble! I wish it didn’t occur to me, but it was all super unknown for awhile

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  • Cowgirl13
    Cowgirl13 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited November 2019

    I was lucky in that when I was diagnosed they advised to stay away from Google. They had a handout that listed a couple of websites and one of them was this site and that's how I found it

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  • Kerri-on-cloud9
    Kerri-on-cloud9 Member Posts: 19
    edited November 2019

    Long update....

    My appointment went well. The mammogram consisted of two images of the left, three on the right (the side with the lump) Tech said she would recall me if additional images were needed. She did not. Did not seem like enough images for a diagnostic mammo but I was happy they didn’t want more images

    Onto the US. She started on the right side, basically right on top of the lump. I was telling the tech how scared I was, the fact that my last US showed over 100 cysts but I’ve never felt a single one of them until this one, etc. She moved the monitor screen so I could see it and said “it’s a cyst.” I saw a black, circular image. It seemed too good to be true. She went on to tell me that some of the other larger cysts that were on my last US were now gone. Also an enlarged lymph node was now back to normal. She showed me that too, but I didn’t know what I was looking at. This US went much quicker than my last two. She said to wait in the waiting room in case the radiologist wanted more images. Eventually the US tech recalled me but instead of more images, she said I was fine, they would send the results to my doctor with their recommendation for follow up. She reassured me I was ok, to have a good weekend, etc. Tears of joy and my first breath of relief in weeks

    However, I got a “you’re fine, everything is good” from a radiologist at my last appointment, only to get a call back the following week. So I should be relaxing and relieved, but instead I’m expecting to be called back into hell tomorrow or Tuesday with something they missed. I might just go to the imaging center tomorrow and request the results so I don’t have to wait for that dreaded call from my primary care doctor.

    Also, is it normal for the US tech to give you the results? Maybe she was just helping out the radiologist? I’m trying to be optimistic but I’m traumatized from the last time they said i was fine and got called back

    Thanks for listening and for all your input.

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  • godisone
    godisone Member Posts: 100
    edited November 2019

    Hey sweetheart! So happy to know that they were just cyst and non what you were scared of. Being positive help a lot many times and I am sure it did this time to you as well.

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