Testing positive for the atm mutation

Hi all! I'm new to the community and I know this is a breast cancer site but I was wondering if anyone could give me advice. I had been having some health issues for about a year that included diffuse lymph node swelling. I had a mammo and ultrasound (I have lumpy breast tissue), but my breasts were too small and too dense so they were unable to see very much. They were very worried about the lymph nodes in my armpits and the sides of my breasts though. Honestly every lymph node I could feel on my body was swollen though apparently the axillary ones had a bad shape and density. I started to see an oncologist, they initially thought I had breast cancer and subsequently lymphoma. I had one of the lymph nodes removed, the surgeon said it looked necrotic. It was negative for cancer but positive for an infection they loosely tied to a root canal. I was on high dose antibiotics for 6 weeks and basically my symptoms went away over the next 2 months. I had a PET scan at the very end of this from nose to toes which I have to repeat in January. I forgot to mention, they found a mass next to my heart. Risky location to biopsy but it hasn't changed sizes in a year. Its dye uptake is borderline but just under the number they consider as a possible malignancy so at this time they recommend "keeping an eye on it" It could be a tumor, a calcified lymph node, or an old infectious process. Nobody knows but one of my doctors, an intensivist/pulmonologist is very concerned and says he's never seen anything like it. I saw a CT surgeon who thought it was lymphoma. My primary physician thinks its basically an old calcified lymph node, no worries. Most all autoimmune diseases were ruled out, the big ones anyway. During this process (that took a year and a half) I ha d a genetics panel done again. The first time, in 2006, everything was negative but the geneticist told me 13 years has seen a lot of advancements in the field of genetics and she recommended I have it redone. I tested positive for an atm mutation and met with a geneticist and met with a breast center specialist to discuss my options. Basically they are going to do an mri or mammo every 6 months until I decide what I want to do. My options are a bilateral mastectomy and/or Temoxifen for 5 years. They are putting me in a middle risk category because my family history is sketchy. My mother passed away at 18 years old when I was a baby. Her mother passed away in her 40's when my mom was 8, They were both accidental but leave me with very little family history. Unfortunately I don't know too much about her family but her dad did pass away from colon cancer in his 60's. On my dads side, he currently has chronic lymphocytic leukemia, his sister and aunt both died around age 50 from ovarian cancer. Also, another aunt of my dads had colon cancer and his cousin passed away from cancer at a young age, I think some type of sarcoma. Other than that, I have not done too much research, I'm thinking about going on ancestry.com to further my knowledge. My dad and I are estranged and he refuses to get tested so I don't know which side of the family this comes from. Here is my dilemma: I am worried about breast cancer but I also know the atm is linked with ovarian and I had two family members die horrible deaths from it. If I pass away at the ages they did, I don't even get to see my kids graduate high school. That may seem dramatic but both my mom and grandma died at very young ages and my mom and I were both raised by really terrible step mothers. I am so scared of leaving my kids, it's almost crippling. I didn't have kids until age 35 (and wasn't going to because I was so scared I would die and leave them orphans) but I thank God every single day that I changed my mind. I now have an amazing 2 year old boy and 4 year old girl and finally have the family that I never had. I need to make the right decision but I was told it's highly unlikely I could find a surgeon to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes even though I'm done having children. The atm is understudied in the ovarian department from what I understand. I'm scared to have my breasts removed (do I need to??), Temoxifen seems to be so dangerous (again, do I need it??) and the one thing I'm really scared of-ovarian cancer-is so hard to screen for and detect early but I can't find anyone to care about that aspect. The one positive is that I just had a pet scan that didn't show anything in my abdomen or breasts so I feel I have a little time to research and decide. Can anyone help me or has anyone been through anything like this? Where do I go from here?